You didn't offend me, if that is what you are worried about, but that is a bit of mindreading you are doing! I mean, it's possible he felt that way, sure.
I don't think it matters much now. At this point, I think I'm willing to wipe the slate clean and start anew-- to forgive him and let go of resentments and rebuild. He's not.
No of course not. Did I write something that implied that? Just meant that we both were harboring resentments... perhaps he resented me for not being able to appreciate the stress he was under. My point is that there's not much i can do about our R if he's not willing to forgive me.
That is not his entire measure of a person but he does have some underdeveloped R skills.
I remembered that I used to tell him that things weren't working for us and that we needed help. He dismissed my feelings and refused. He and I seem to have different notions of what it takes to make a relationship work. That doesn't make him evil.
I'm going to add something to this discussion-maybe for future reference. Childbirth is my area of expertise.
The father of the baby is not always the best birth support. They're thrown into a monumental, life-changing situation for which they have absolutely no experience or frame of reference. Doesn't make them bad Hs or dads, anyone might flounder when faced with a scary, unfamiliar process over which they have no control that goes on for hours. It's grueling and can be detrimental to the R.
Having a great woman friend or relative who can be a support and strength to the whole family can make all the difference. It probably shouldn't be the mother who stands around with a worried expression on her face. There are also doulas, not the goofy type you see on sitcoms, who do amazing work and take the pressure off the H and the mama.
About being "grumpy" and "rude" during labor, most women are at some point in labor more scared than they've ever been, so an H who can't handle a bit of grumpiness definitely should excuse himself to regroup and not bring it up later. Relationship difficulties that are already existing can be intensified during labor but so can strengths.
Childbirth is so much more than the physical process. We don't give it its due.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Is your entire measure of him as a person based on his willingness to return to the marriage?
Maybell, this is a fascinating question. The obvious answer, is no, we don't judge people by such narrow criteria. But there's something there I need to think about, it's hitting me too hard not to explore. Thanks for throwing it out there.
Labug: Re childbirth: if I had to do it again there is so much I would do differently. And a Doula during and after birth would be at the top of my list, as would paying for a private room. I mean, the fact that we had so much else going on that was occupying our minds (home-buying, moving) should have made it a no Brainer.
There is so much I would do differently, but hindsight is 20/20.
Several of us are struggling with the card it seems. I didn't know how to sign ours. I ended up with all five names, most people don't know anyway. But I gave H enough blank cards to send to his business partners, that was something I did for him as his wife. This year he can do that himself!
