Thanks for your advice, I'm really trying, but it's getting harder and I'm just not sure if I want to continue standing.
I really feel like my H is cake eating, and when I pull back he acts surprised and when I don't "act" like his wife he has something to say...
No he has comments for everything, for a while he was ignoring me totally now he is watching and commenting on everything.
And asking for my help, input, advice etc.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Happy, He knows that you are distancing yourself from him, thus, the questions, asking for help, etc. When you pull back, he comes closer, i.e., like a moth to a candle.
I know it's difficult having MLCers living at home. They can try your patience 24/7, but if you can sit on your until after Christmas, maybe the stress of the holidays will have calmed down enough for you to think about your decision to ask him to leave. It's better to be absolutely sure that this is what you want and not just because he's annoyed you by not checking in or if you are going to do this to get him to snap out of his funk.
Happy, I will support you in whatever you opt to do...just be sure this is what you want.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job I will sit back and be quiet and do so serious thinking.
But right now I don't want this R or M the way it is. And I dont want to continue standing or even DB at this point.
I have been feeling this way for a couple of months.
I don't want H to say OK lets work on this because I ask him to leave.,,cause I dont want to force it. But I also dont want to continue waiting on H to decide that WE are worth it
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
I do understand where you are coming from. Make sure you have your finances in order, i.e., checking accounts, etc., i.e., in case you do show him the door. You want to make sure you have some money stashed away in case of an emergency. Become more familiar w/your bills coming in so that you are aware of what's being charged, etc.
Whatever you do, you are going to be fine. You are a strong, independent woman who has traveled some rough roads the last few months and has come out the other side ready to do whatever it takes to survive.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I agree with Job about making sure you have things in order. The biggest mistake people make is taking the plunge without having things in order and making sure they will be able to survive. The biggest question people fail to ask is, " can I afford to be divorced?" really analyze this first before you drop the rope. My wife made the decision and has now put us both in a position of struggling to make ends meet.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Yes I have been trying to save as much money as possible since last year.
All the bills come to my email or mail to house in my name (except a cable bill). The house is in my name purchased by me before we were married but we both moved in together.
We do not have any joint credit cards or joint banking accounts.
H carries s14 and I on medical insurance. I would ask him to continue to carry s14 if we get D.
I do have concern about paying all the bills on my own, things will be alot tighter, but what I will try to do is put the 1/2 my H gives me for bills for the next 3months in a savings and pay the bills alone from my pay and see how that really feels.
I know I can ask for child support but no idea how much that would be monthly...so I will pretend that it does not exist.
SO my new goal Jan-March is to pay all the bills from my pay, put the 1/2 H gives monthly into savings to get a real feel to the adjustment I will need to make.
I know we both will have financial adjustment to make, and I really think this is one of the reasons H has not left on his own.
He would need to find a place, pay bills food, toliertries would not magically appear in his new place, clothes do not wash themselves, houses do not clean themselves.
So we both would been living on less money of cours, cause bills would not be shared.
Im still very nervous about how this will affect S14.
How do I know if I can can I afford to be divorced?"
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Keep in mind that while you are in the process of divorce, the divorce itself is costly and you'll need to keep that in mind as you budget.
If you do end up divorcing, things will be tight for a while, but you'll eventually get the hang of reducing some of your day-to-day expenses, i.e., coupon clipping, watching for deals at the stores, etc. It's best to begin tightening the belt now so that you can get some money stashed away.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job I may be a lil naive on this subject, but if we both agree to the D and child support. Why would it cost so much?
I don't think if I file he will fight anything..I have told him he can have any furniture from our house.
I will see what he would agree to pay for child support.
I would like to just both agree and sign papers. Sweet Short Simple.
I really dont want to fight or argue.
Now some of my friends have invited us to 2 christmas parties this weekend, I advised my H he was invited, but told him I dont expect him to attend.
I'm going to both of them! H will be at work, so I know he will not be attending and I dont feel like pretending anyway,,I want to go and have FUN. But I told him since they invited him:(
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Happy, Go over and read daring's latest postings and see what's happened in her world, i.e., divorce discussions.
You can't trust them to do the right thing when the proceedings begin. They will say they will agree to the divorce and child support and many of them will then change their minds and make your life a living h@ll.
Hopefully you and your h can work things out and it will go smoothly, but I've not seen very many that have been done in an amicable manner. Always prepare for the worse, but hope for the best because you can't trust them one bit.
Go to the parties and enjoy yourself. Be yourself and look to the new year for many new adventures and accomplishments for you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job I will read Darings post. I went back over bills last night and without my H 1/2 bills things will be tighter then I thought and there will be a couple of things son and I will have to live without. But like I said I plan to try this out Jan-March, which made me also realize I need to stop all R talks to H, so I guess I will not be filing for D anytime soon.
Could my H and I live together to just raise our son and for financial support ONLY. How would that look? I would have to be totally detached from any type of R with H, and H would have to be totally OK with me living my life on my own terms, neither one of us would be able to see the other as H & W. I mean we would need to be D but living together,,,which I guess is what H is trying to do now.....without the offical D?
The sex would have to stop, I think when H ans I have sex in his mind I'm ok with everythign else going on.
Serious boundaries would have to be set in place and honored on both ends. We would both have to be willing to live without an intimate relationship with OW or OM while living together to raise our son.
Hmmm,,,maybe this is something I will also sit on and think about while Im seeing how it really feels to support son and I on my own. But I dont really think my H could live like that, without sex, without intimate R with a woman, and with staying out of my business other then something that involves our son or home.
I dont know if I could either....
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
