MLC = my last chance

[vge1]

i agree 123Gwen, you are an overcomer!

[NLW]

Hi Gwen,

I understand how it must feel to have a vanisher. So hurtful....

Our sitches are very similar except for this.

I think I do get some strange sense of my XH's still being 'connected' to us by virtue of his continued nasty attacks. The sense is of a man who can't let us be; for whom we are constantly on his mind. But not in a good way. I think he is just trying to punish us.

So really, the negative contacts are not about him wanting to have contact with us so much as him wanting someone to lash out at.

In this sense, I'm pretty certain vanishers haven't really forgotten; it's more likely that they keep their ruminations to themselves (lashers vs bottlers, if you like).

Anyway... your job situation sounds really promising. Good on you for getting to where you are. And there's plenty more where that came from, I'm sure!

[123Gwen]

Big news in Gwen Land --- I GOT THE JOB!!! I am so excited. They didn't even interview anyone else. Honestly this is a win - win for everyone. Back in the dark ages I was in healthcare admin. and ran a department. This is front office but in a growing practice and the operations manager was kind of jazzed when she saw my background. They are getting a lot of bang for the buck and I am getting relaunched as Gwen 2.0

Another huge benefit is the clinic is literally a half mile down the road from D16's school. We live in urban sprawl. It usually takes 30 minutes to get anywhere so this is divine intervention.

For the first time in months I feel like I know this job is exactly what I should be doing. After all the lies and betrayal and confusion it sures feels good to feel like I am on the right path.

In other news... My attorney is scheduling hearings because H will not seriously address the separation agreement. This is a waste of money. If H would just address things like a mature adult we wouldn't be spending all this negative energy or money. I know this avoidance is what happens in MLC but my financial situation is not great. With H living so far away and OW in the picture I really need some boundaries and I have to figure out a budget. I know DBusting is no pressure or R talk but I just believe I need an agreement moving forward. I have seen too many people regret not having those protections in place.

Anyway I called H tonight. Yes against the rules but wanted to make sure he is willing to go to court. He acted oblivious and said he was waiting for me to respond. Not sure if he was lying or is intellectually challenged but I explained the consequences of avoiding me and my attorney. We talked for about 10 minutes. I was not perfect relating to him but I managed to stay calm. He said the girls hate him and I explained that they are mad but they also want to see how he values them and their mother in the upcoming months. He said he'd fix things. We shall see....

If I can avoid court then that is good. It was weird talking to a person who is just not the person you thought he was. Kind of sad. I hope he gets some help.

[Georgiabelle]

Congratulations on the new job!!! Yay:-)

[job]

Congratulations! I knew you would get it. I'm so happy for you!

[123Gwen]

I have been doing the happy dance all day! I was very worried about finding something after all this time staying home. I can't describe how relieved I am to be bringing in some money on my own.

Thanks Job and Georgia for cheering me on. I am determined to enjoy these great feelings for as long as possible. In all this grief I realized that for over two decades I chose to put everyone before myself. To a point that is admirable but it did become unhealthy at some point.

Gwen 2.0 is going to be healthier.

[vge1]

Congratulations 123Gwen! Healthy Gwen :-}

You are living a life for yourself even though it wasn't where or how you planned.

I do commend your strength especially for your girls. They may not respect their father right now but they know who YOU are and they will model love, mercy and forgiveness. It's a long road but you've done so well.

Praise God - He is helping you through this.

In His Love -

VGE1

Romans 8:28

[123Gwen]

Thanks vge. i appreciate the support. Today I am not as full of strength. I just miss him. Then again I am not sure if any of it was ever real. Everything is so confusing. 25 years and H seems to have just disposed of me completely. I am sad for my girls too as they only get sporadic texts.

Ok enough of the pity party. It doesn't help. Onward we go....

[LouR]

whoop whoop ! Congratulations on your new job Gwen, wonderful news.

I'm sorry to hear you are having a down day - its fine, allow it to happen and let it pass.

Gwen - your m was real, the memories and love are real, your h has just buried it and has lost sight of his past happiness.

I know you miss him, it's natural to; I would be worried if you didn't. I find it comes in waves - the sadness, confusion and loneliness, I suppose the trick is to learn how to surf !

So on that note - try and distract yourself while these feelings pass through and then get back to focusing on what is important .... you and your girls :o)

Take care of yourself ((hugs))

[123Gwen]

Lou - I love your surfing metaphor! I have no desire to add surfing to my GAL list but a trip to Hawaii would be fabulous.

It does come in waves. You feel like drowning but just as quickly as you are awash in those feeling they can disappear. Very weird. After so many years of putting bandaids on everyone else maybe this is just what it feels like to finally be tending to yourself?

Another odd sensation now that I am six months post BD is the fact that I am finally able to accept the fact that H started MLC before OW. I didn't realize it at the time but now it feels like he started to detach about 2 years ago. That was the time OW was hired at his company. I doubt the affair started immediately but it was a perfect storm.

I could not have changed this outcome. H chose this path. He is deep in MLC and I fear knowing his FOO he may never return. H's behavior does not include empathy. I never thought he was a narcissist but perhaps he always has been or maybe those tendencies are amplified. The way he is so detached from our children tells me that this is not about our M. It is sad. It is tragic but I can't let this define who I am.

I never wanted to learn to surf yet I must deal with the waves. Bring me that surfboard and call me Gidget! (Remember those old, old Debbie Reynolds movies? I loved watching those when I was a kid and back then they were 30 years old. She survived Eddie Fisher and made peace with Elizabeth Taylor. I guess we are all in good company. I mean Sandra Bullock is my modern role model.