I second what Bea said - You do not need to explain yourself. Being civilized does not mean doing everything XH wants. You have every right to refuse to just hand off the kids to HWW.
Stay strong.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
I don't understand why are you are responsible for taking the girls to him? I can't think of a single time my mom had to take my brother and sister to my dad. Part of the arrangement was that he come get them. It was his responsibility. His time, his problem to figure out.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Brooklyn, I would advise him that you are not going to be dropping the girls off to the woman. If he wants to see his daughters, then he should be the one to come pick them up. If you do this once, it may become a habit w/him.
I'm sorry he's acting like this, but it's not your job to play shuttle bus when he wants to see his daughters. This is a two way street and he needs to either come pick them up and return them home to you at the end of the visit or possibly meet you half way, but under no circumstances should you have to accommodate his requests for bringing them over to his house and having the woman be responsible for them.
Nothing more is required except a "no, I will not do that".
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Bea, Gwen, heather and job that you so much I totally needed to hear that it is not my job.
So after his vague email about drop off and my response of no problem. Today I get this
-- Bklyn i just wanted to make sure i was clear in my earlier email about friday. i will still be at work when you drop the girls off, jess will be there to receive them. wanted to make sure you were comfortable with that. thanks, Xh ----
I think he is afraid I will actually do it. How do I reply?
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
If you are not comfortable with dropping the kids off with Jess, you can say, "no, this doesn't work for me. It is your responsibility to pick up the girls and you need to make it work somehow. I am willing to meet you at a neutral place to hand the girls off to you--only you as you are their father."
My mother never took the kids to my dad's even after he had married the OW. He lived two hours away and never, ever did she meet him halfway.
In the long run, my brother and sister respected the fact that my dad made the effort to come get them, every other weekend, when he had to drive two hours to get them.
Yes, you will have to get used to seeing her at events like when the girls graduate from high school and so forth. But, you don't have to force yourself to be all gracious and accepting and helpful to them.
He's got you so worried about actually being the "b!tch" they have spewed about...you are going a million miles in the opposite direction to prove you aren't.
It's bull. The bottom line: He wants YOU to make his visitation easier for HIM. Parenting requires schedules changes and adjustments to accommodate your kids. This is HIS problem to figure out, not yours.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I think this will depend on how adversarial you want the relationship with X to be at this point. Regardless of the past, you need to set the example of how you want the relationship to be. I think an approach of I will drop them off to you and you bring them back to me is a 50/50 approach. If not , then a meet half way approach may work. It will really be up to you and how you want things to go now and in the future.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Life I agree with you. I am trying to reduce the adversarial dynamic . He picks them up 90% of the time but this weekend he is trying to coordinate a trip to visit his parents out of state.
I am trying to act in a reasonable way for my kids.
I don't think I can do it this time
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I would tell him then that for some reason you are uncomfortable with this right now. Tell him you are not sure why and it is something you are working on. Then ask him if there is another arrangement that will work for you that I may be less uncomfortable with.
Don't try and point fingers at or directly define what is the cause. Leave it vague. He should not take offense and be willing to work with you on this.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
