A good Sunday. Went and bowling for the first time in like 10 years with my best friend. We plan to make this a weekly thing. Made X-mas candy for gifts for S14 to give away. Still have more to do, but we're half way done. Put a post out on FB to my friends on there to get a group together to do the hip hop dance lessons in January. Practiced my mandolin.
M-44 W-44 Sons- 11&14 Married- 18 Together- 27 Separation mentioned- 9-29-14 Still together, but not "together" "if you feel rotten and forgotten, remember there'll be better days."
He he. You're the first person to "get" my name. Seemed fitting. My sister was living in Tokyo at the time of BD and she wished me ganbatte. I'm still here trying my best.
There's some good 180s on your list. Still a bit too much focus on W? I found it useful to turn non-actions (e.g. stop doing X) into actions (i.e. do Y instead). So one of my 180s is to stop being so reactive (hard to measure progress). My action is to commit to daily mindfulness practice so that I become less reactive. Somehow that little twist made all the difference in me feeling like I was actually working on my 180s.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
He he. You're the first person to "get" my name. Seemed fitting. My sister was living in Tokyo at the time of BD and she wished me ganbatte. I'm still here trying my best.
There's some good 180s on your list. Still a bit too much focus on W? I found it useful to turn non-actions (e.g. stop doing X) into actions (i.e. do Y instead). So one of my 180s is to stop being so reactive (hard to measure progress). My action is to commit to daily mindfulness practice so that I become less reactive. Somehow that little twist made all the difference in me feeling like I was actually working on my 180s.
Glad I got the name. My boys (and I ) would love to visit Japan some day. Good point in turning the 180s into actions instead of being reactive. I will give those some thought on how to re-make those more action oriented for myself.
M-44 W-44 Sons- 11&14 Married- 18 Together- 27 Separation mentioned- 9-29-14 Still together, but not "together" "if you feel rotten and forgotten, remember there'll be better days."
Someday. My sons are both self professed "otaku". My older son takes Japanese in high school and was hoping to do a summer study abroad program. If he does I'll find a way to make a trip to visit him as well. My younger son wants to go and see AKB48. LOL! Some GAL goals I guess! Just got to save the money.
M-44 W-44 Sons- 11&14 Married- 18 Together- 27 Separation mentioned- 9-29-14 Still together, but not "together" "if you feel rotten and forgotten, remember there'll be better days."
The conventions I am taking my boys to this year are actually anime conventions. They are a lot of fun. And the blog I started is about anime and parenting. I am such a nerd.
M-44 W-44 Sons- 11&14 Married- 18 Together- 27 Separation mentioned- 9-29-14 Still together, but not "together" "if you feel rotten and forgotten, remember there'll be better days."
Holidays are coming up and deciding how to handle X-mas. W and I are still living together and the kids don't know anything has changed between us. For the last several years we haven't exchanged gifts because there was nothing in particular we wanted and didn't want more clutter. This year I had thought of a few things to get her that she'd like, but is that a good idea? I wouldn't think of it as a way to get in her good graces, just a nice gift for the holiday. Not sure what to do here....Ideas?
M-44 W-44 Sons- 11&14 Married- 18 Together- 27 Separation mentioned- 9-29-14 Still together, but not "together" "if you feel rotten and forgotten, remember there'll be better days."
I have noticed ever since I stopped affection and ILYs the W appears moody, often doesn't look at me, and is irritable with the boys more than usual. I will tell her thank you for doing something that I appreciated (like doing some dishes, etc) and compliment her on her parenting (she's really helpful with their school stuff) or how hard she is working in school. All met with silence. Just some things I had noticed. Perhaps I should stop?
M-44 W-44 Sons- 11&14 Married- 18 Together- 27 Separation mentioned- 9-29-14 Still together, but not "together" "if you feel rotten and forgotten, remember there'll be better days."
In the last several weeks and in reading that detachment thread yesterday I realized how much in the past several years I became dependent on my W for my esteem needs. I really waited (never aware that I was doing it consciously) for her approval. If nothing else I can get myself to a much better place and be a better person who likes themselves a lot more without being dependent on anyone else's approval. I also came to see how affected I was by her emotions (not that she is super-emotional). I have been far too enmeshed for too long without (once again) even being aware of it.
Last edited by Okabe; 12/11/1411:43 AM.
M-44 W-44 Sons- 11&14 Married- 18 Together- 27 Separation mentioned- 9-29-14 Still together, but not "together" "if you feel rotten and forgotten, remember there'll be better days."
I had been trying to figure out if I do anything for W for X-mas while still trying to detach. I came to the conclusion if I am giving gifts that it should be fine if I keep my perspective. That it is something that I do because that is the type of person that I want to be and that I place no expectations on her reaction to said gifts. I do something nice because I do something nice, not because I expect she'll react in any particular way. I think I am doing this in a detached manner...
M-44 W-44 Sons- 11&14 Married- 18 Together- 27 Separation mentioned- 9-29-14 Still together, but not "together" "if you feel rotten and forgotten, remember there'll be better days."
