frankly my darling...

[raliced]

Also, this is yet another sign for me that he is really done -- he couldn't move back in with the dog with our current pet situation. I've known this all along, deep down, and I am also done with him at this point, so I guess it's irrelevant, but it's just another indicator. So weird to have him become this total stranger overnight. What's wrong with these people?

Well, FWIW, I think he has thought he was "really done" since BD. I think the vast majority of WASs do - you don't take a sudden drastic step like that without being pretty committed. The question in these situations is more if they stay in that place.

I think this is something impulsive and "impulsive" describes a lot of decisions that he has made lately, right?

I do get why its an annoyance though - this sort of uncharacteristic behavior that slmost seems like they are flipping us off. In my case STBX put a bunch of politically charged bumper stickers on his truck post-BD. Now, granted, I don't particularly agree with those particular political positions, but I wouldn't have cared if he had put them on previously. Now though, it almost feels like he is saying "Finally! I'm free to really express myself"! Which of course, is total malarkey.

Its just a dog. And frankly, I feel pretty sorry for the dog, given what you've described about his work commitments. Hopefully he doesn't decide to end the relationship with the dog as impulsively.

BTW, any chance this was done to curry favor with D14?

[Little]

^^^ Preach, R. Preach!

[Ahoy]

Yes, he totally did this to curry favor with D14, because she cries about missing the cats. I have THREE cats -- I would have been happy to share some with him. In fact, it's going to be quite difficult to find a place to rent with three cats when the time comes. But he is shrugging off all commitments. He just wants to "live his authentic life" -- which includes a new younger girlfriend, a beard, a dog, travel, karaoke nights, etc. All of these things, with the exception of the girlfriend, he could have done and still maintained our family, but I guess he fell out of love with me when he fell in love with this other person, so it was worth it to him to destroy the family. Met with L yesterday to get the dissolution process started -- I know I'm not supposed to initiate, but I need to be back in my home state where I have a job with benefits and family support by this summer. So now I have to try to get his financial information from him in a timely way and have a difficult discussion with him about coming up with a long-distance parenting schedule.

[Maybell]

Huh, my H used the word authentic also. Not at all an in-character word for him, either.

As Inigo Montoya said, "You keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

Did I miss something? Does your D have an opinion about the parenting schedule?

[raliced]

But he is shrugging off all commitments. He just wants to "live his authentic life" -- which includes a new younger girlfriend, a beard, a dog, travel, karaoke nights, etc. All of these things, with the exception of the girlfriend, he could have done and still maintained our family, but I guess he fell out of love with me when he fell in love with this other person, so it was worth it to him to destroy the family.

I know you know this already Ahoy, but I'm just going to say it anyway. You know this isn't about him falling out of love with you, right? This is about him being unhappy with who he is as a person. And instead of dealing with what his own issues are, he's looking ot all the external things he can change to make him "happy". Again, this is just my amateur opinion, but I don't believe when they are in this state they are capable of real love, which after all, is not a selfish emotion - passion and lust, yes, but not love.

[Dawn70]

Hang in there, Ahoy. I am keeping you in my positive thoughts and prayers. I wish had some advice, but I am sure the vets can say it much better.