You can do this even though it seems impossible. You are their mother and that is a fact. You are in this for the long haul and the more you are able to detach and rise above the better you'll look to everyone and the more powerful you will feel. A punch in the nose will only make you feel good for a minute but living well is the best revenge. Besides if you break her nose she'll probably get plastic surgery and say it was needed to fix the damage you caused!
I am so sorry this is happening. Try to see the bigger picture and know that your girls will see it too when they are older. Do you have something fun planned while they are with H? Definitely GAL. I am envious you live in NY. Always something going on and right now distractions are a good thing.
[[[Hugs]]]
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
What's wrong with just telling him, "sorry, I don't think I can drop them off with the hww without punching her in the face. I suggest we make some alternate arrangement."
You don't have to do anything you aren't comfortable with anymore.
Knowing your Ex, I could see him making this arrangement simply to rattle you.
YOU are the mom. If YOU are uncomfortable with this arrangement, have HIM make a different plan to ACCOMMODATE YOU. Tell, simply, I'm sorry but NO. Let me know when you will be picking the girls up and I will have them ready.
HE is the one, after all, that moved so damn far away.
Much love,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
You are right he is definitely trying to rattle me.
Even though I think his gf is a clueless b!txh I am trying to accept that this is my life now and this is my kids life. I hate it but I have to make it work somehow.
I also have begun to prepare myself mentally that one day my ex will marry this woman and prob have children with her. And that my kids will have siblings one day that are not my children - that really crushes me.
But I just am so thankful that I have such smart and beautiful girls. That my finances are good. So excited and grateful to be able to take my kids to Disney this January. I can't focus on the bad stuff - there is too much good stuff.
I'll email him that I can bring them so that it times out for when he is getting home but that I don't feel comfortable leavibg them with his gf. Should I add that I had asked him months ago to meet with Jess and him without the kids to have coffee so I could get used to her but he refused. Saying again meeting with her in a neutral environment would help me deal with these other meetings.
Thanks mighty, bea and klm for understanding the pain
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Should I add that I had asked him months ago to meet with Jess and him without the kids to have coffee so I could get used to her but he refused. Saying again meeting with her in a neutral environment would help me deal with these other meetings.
One thing I think we need to get beyond is the need to explain ourselves. So no, I wouldn't add anything. You did not cause or make this problem, and if your xh is a big enough ass (which he demonstrably is) not to see this, explaining it again probably won't do the trick.
