Yes. I am still trying to figure some of that out. I know I need to stop letting her drama and her efforts to control me, continue. I think GAL and her seeing I don't need her, puts me in a position of strength, that gets her to take notice and afraid of losing me.
We have been living more pay check to pay check since she opened her own account, so now all her pay goes in there, supposedly for savings and paying off car loan. I don't have a problem living off my check if this is truly the case. I just think W has been more liberal with her spending. Getting nails done often and I heard one old voice mail where she had bought OM some pants, so I'm assuming she is spending money on A.
Any suggestions on bringing this up? Getting on more of a budget and not bringing up OM? I need to be the financial leader in M.
W put DB book and some divorce CDs she took out of my truck in a plastic zip lock bag, in my basket I keep my wallet and keys in. She took them about a week and a half ago (see previous post), and has not returned my credit card yet. She just left them there and hasn't said a word about it. I have not acknowledged her returning them.
Hey mikechc. I see you two are still living together. Is it possible for you to suggest she move out b/c you act as if you finally agree she should be away from you? Since you can live off your check and pay for everything in the house you can. I'm at that point now. It is a painful painful process but you'll get her out of your property and face. (Mine is a little easier b/c we we're moving anyway and I really want her to be somewhere else.) She may even respect you more and miss you later. It helps if you really don't care if she respects or misses you.
Last edited by HPoirot; 12/05/1408:44 PM.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
I asked her to move out about a month ago when I confronted her with proof of the affair. She said she wasn't going to move out of her house. Everything has been " my house, my boys, my stuff, etc."
Looking for some feedback. Trying to stop letting my W make me feel guilty for not helping her. In the morning I get my disabled son ready for school. All W does is a couple minute therapy on his legs and brushes his teeth. She has been studying for a nursing test, because she forgot to renew her license. She was studying and asked me to do the therapy on his legs. I asked her why she didn't do it when she got up. She said she was studying. I stated that it only takes a couple of minutes, right? I didn't want my son to suffer, so I did it.
After I finished I told her he was ready for his teeth to be brushed. I told her I did the therapy but I thought she should prioritize her son before studying. She got all defensive and said I told her I would help her so she could study these last few months. I told her that she could have studied last night instead of reading a people magazine. W said I had a hard day and that was my only down time.
My feeling is this is her way to test my dominance and to prove to herself I will do anything she asks and make me feel guilty if I don't. There are many things I continue to do to help. Did I pick the wrong battle here? I got the cold shoulder and it was probably the first time she left for work without saying good bye.
Yes. Out of all of the blatant disrespect towards YOU things that you have recounted to us here, the fact that THIS is the hill that you would make a stand on (something that your son needs) is NOT cool.
Re-assert your power in the relationship on things that do NOT pertain to your son, unless it's something that just flat-out violates a core boundary of yours.
When she asks you for anything... get used to saying "No, I won't do that." Then walk away. It is hard to do the first few times. My W was so surprised, she asked me to repeat it the first time I said it. Now she knows not to ask for anything. If your W is in an active A... she does not get your support, money, or help. Of course, you do what you're supposed to do for your boy, pay for your home. She gets to do her own thing as she's separated.
Last edited by HPoirot; 12/09/1403:40 PM.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
I really like "No, I'm afraid that doesn't work for me." But again, NOT on things regarding your son, unless the request is extreme.
Go back and read your previous threads, Mike. I'm sure you will find several places where it would have been far more appropriate for you to assert your power.
I did it because it was for my son. I feel like I am in this mess because I always do whatever she asks. I'm tired of her taking advantage of me and my personality of being helpful. She gets to do whatever she wants and I'm the bad guy for calling her on it? I am really thinking this relationship is done. Not sure how long I want to put up with the A and allow her to expect me to be the loving husband.
Trying to trust God but this is getting to be too much to bare.
