25yearsmlc, so wife went out xmas shopping got home for lunch. I was watching fb game in my room. W came in and laid on bed with me and watched game for a while. We ended up down in living room watching game. She sat beside me on couch. I told her I was sorry for some of the things I have said to her over this sitch. She was very sweet and told me it was ok. We held hands for a few minutes. First time since this all began. I told her I would do things alot different if I had to do it over. She was looking in my eyes while I spoke to her. Thanksgiving day during a conversation she asked me what I wanted her to do. I said just take a step back for a while and talk to each other more. So I feel she knows it is up to her and if given the chance I would be different in the future. It's all a matter of re attracting her.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Before I get specific, can you tell me what YOU are working on, to become a better man and h to her? You spend a lot of time on her issues and her flaws but I want to know what you believe YOUR role was in this....b/c you are all you control.
You are the one here, she's not here. So we cannot 'Fix" your wife. We MIGHT be able to help you become a better h though, so can you help us, to help you?
Dig deep. Really OWN your stuff, which means face it & work on repairing it.
BTW, I DO think your friendship with your BIL, who was felt to be a rival of hers, did damage b/c it was not seen as being loyal to her.
Do you get that? Do you see why? How is your IC going?
Originally Posted By: igit
25yearsmlc, so wife went out xmas shopping got home for lunch. I was watching fb game in my room. W came in and laid on bed with me and watched game for a while. We ended up down in living room watching game. She sat beside me on couch.
^^^ All positives!
I told her I was sorry for some of the things I have said to her over this sitch. She was very sweet and told me it was ok. We held hands for a few minutes. First time since this all began. I told her I would do things alot different if I had to do it over. She was looking in my eyes while I spoke to her. It's a great line if you mean it. What do you mean when you say that? I don't know so I'm sincerely asking. I cannot think of anything you think you have done wrong or improperly or that you can improve on....so, what would the new improved YOU look like?
What should your wife be able to envision if she were to see you as the man she wanted/needed as her mate? This is something you must become specific with...flesh it out and put DETAILS in the picture so you know who you want to be and so she could see it.
Thanksgiving day during a conversation she asked me what I wanted her to do. I said just take a step back for a while and talk to each other more. So I feel she knows it is up to her and if given the chance I would be different in the future. It's all a matter of re attracting her.
I would not assume that your statement is sufficient for her to believe "all will be different". Surely you have SAID things before but then not really delivered, which is what she fears. Understand that.
HER FEAR is that by reconciling too fast and without real work on both your parts, you two will revert and the marriage you had, which she does not want, will resume.
Your actions will always speak much louder than your words and vague promises.
For starters, What are you going to DO differently?
How are your GAL activities going these days? Do you have 2 GAL yet? Can you name 2 180s?
We hammer them^^ for one reason...they work. And yes, it's part of the re-attracting her. So is the chance that she will lose you. But don't mistake being a bit mysterious with being cold or indifferent
Some parts of DBing require a lot of balancing.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25yearsmlc, to answer a few of your questions. Our relationship with her brother and his family has been good until the last few years. We went on vacation s together and did a lot of cookouts etc. The last few years she became different around her brother. I can't say that I didn't try to fix things between them. I just didn't understand her issues with him. As far as what have I done to improve myself. When the Affair came to light and talk of D this past spring. My wife got a coaching job that required me to take a much bigger role with kids. Picking them up from school and cooking them dinner.also 12 Saturday s in a row. I really looked at myself and became much more active in our church and bible study.I had to pick up the roll of spiritual leader since wife walked away from church. Through my relationship with God I think he has humbled me. I have been consistent with my faith and know that I didn't honor or love my wife the way God intended. I do believe that a Christian lifestyle with kids is what would be different in future R together. I
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
25yearsmlc, also wife got a teaching job that requires her to leave at 6am. I get kids ready and take them to school in the mornings. I have gotten into shape and spend as much time as I can with kids to give waw space.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
25yearsmlc, one thing she said to me was she didn't feel like I respected her. I know how she could feel like that. I would be frustrated with her and she would feel like I wasn't respecting her,by trying to fix her instead of listening and validating.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
25yearsmlc, one thing she said to me was she didn't feel like I respected her. I know how she could feel like that. I would be frustrated with her and she would feel like I wasn't respecting her,by trying to fix her instead of listening and validating.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
25yearsmlc, where are you hiding. Since I last wrote, I was getting kids ready for church! Wife asked if I could leave them home, I agreed went by myself. Had a hard time in church. Got home took kids back for xmas play practice. Was getting ready for a trip to cabin for a 2 day hunting trip. Wife asked me about church and I told her I had a hard time. We then started to talk and I asked her about affair when it ended. I asked her what it was she was attracted to him for etc.it started out fine! She then said she will always care about me etc.just not like before. I asked her if she loved me when we went through 8 in vitro s to have S6's she said she just wanted our D12 to have a sibling to grow up with. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I got very upset and asked her how she could say something so hurtful or do something like that to another human being. Things settled down and then she became very angry, through a chair and just screamed and sounded so hateful. I walked out to my truck and left for a few days, a trip I had planned hunting for a few days at cabin. I called her after I left and told her I was sorry for upsetting her. She was very nice and said it was ok.anyway I didn't contact her on Monday. She called and texted 4 or 5 times Tuesday to see when I was going to be home. I honestly didn't care to see her when I got back. I spent time with kids that were really happy to see me. She called a few times today but I was busy in meetings. We have a preliminary hearing Dec 29th. She doesn't know that I am aware of.I noticed it on county website. It's about temporary restraining orders. Ie..where we live during D process. Since I take kids to school in morning, since she leaves for school at 6am I think the reality of situation is starting to hit her. I have told attorney I should stay at home being kids morning care and contact in case of illness. Any suggestions from you on how to handle this situation.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
So it's been 4 days since last post. Not sure what is going on in waw mind. She has been very friendly. Sunday waw best friend from church came up to me and asked me how waw was doing. She asked me to tell her she misses her. Later that afternoon I came home from a meeting and her friend was there. I came in and waw told her freind asked her to go to womens bible study that night. Anyway they talked and cried and prayed. I think it was nice she got to reconnect with her. Today waw asked me to meet her and kids for dinner. I had already made plans so I passed. WAw texted and asked if I could stop and see them. I let her know I was on other side of town and couldn't make it. When I got home from meeting w came into my room and watched tv for a while and just hung out. I am not sure what is going on. I feel like she may be coming around. I guess that would be mind reading, I don't know what to even look for if she were to want to come back. I feel like she has caused so much damage that she may not know how to come back. I have been such a doormat that I feel she has no respect for me. Any suggestions from vets
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
Hey igit. Skimmed over your sitch briefly and it seems your roller coaster continues! Albeit with higher climbs and falls! Hang in there buddy.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Pilot, your back! Been missing you buddy. Going to catch up on your sitch. Craziness still happening? I am doing okay! Actually I am going to be fine! I have been getting along with wife pretty well lately! More family dinners, wife talking more and spending a little more time alone with me. No intimacy but little signs of her old self. I am not sure if she is trying to be freinds. I am looking at it as a positive for now. No R talks!
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
