I am not a drinker by any means. I could count on one hand the number of times I've been drunk in my life. The first drink I ever had I was 25 years old, for goodness sake. After a long Saturday in which I was sobbing, I went to a bar with friends and ended up very drunk. It certainly helped m get my mind off things for a while. BUT:
I threw up in public. In fact, the world is still spinning. I'm sure that come Sunday and sobriety I'm going to be reaaaaallllly embarrassed by my actions.
But for now, I feel nothing and it's a kind of release.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Take care of yourself Little, I've been there too. I'm sure your friends understand and who cares what random strangers think. Don't fret about it.
It's a rollercoaster of emotions we are on. You will feel better and you will feel worse. You will feel sad and you will feel relieved. You will move on and forget this pain, it will be a distant memory no matter what happens.
The one thing you should not do is continue any contact with OW or BF right now. Make sure to keep your phone away from you and delete his info. You can keep the phone number somewhere safe but I recommend deleting it from your phone. That one extra step really helps prevent you from reaching out.The other thing I did was change my WAH's name in my phone to "F-ing A$$hole" that way when he texted me the first thing I saw was how he has been acting. It kept me from wanting to reply to his friendly messages.
I know it is hard to eat, but you will feel better if you can get some calories in. Try something like ice cream or chocolate. Often when I am feeling really bad the only thing I can eat is something like a few pieces of dark chocolate. Weird but at least it has calories. Or sometimes I can only get a cola down. Usually food like this is "bad" but when you are emotional and nauseated I feel like whatever sugar you can get in there is better than nothing.
You know to stay away from the drinking when you aren't eating and feel so sad. I don't need to remind you. Please drink lots of water today, and if you can maybe some juice or soda will help with a hangover...
Big hugs to you Little, keep checking in and updating us.
BF has been in my phone as "lying cheating a$$hole" for a while. LOL! But yes, I should probably delete it. He wants no contact now, as I'm sure OW has instituted a strict "no Little" contact policy. We'll see.
Thankfully I don't get hungover, but I did twist my ankle as we were walking out of the club last night (I guess I was more stumbling than walking....eesh) and I'm having a hard time walking on it now. I've got it elevated and there's some ice on it. If nothing else, I have some as needed pain meds for my shoulder that should get me through work tomorrow.
Still don't know where my purse is, though I know my friend grabbed it for me when she was driving me home but no idea where she put it in the house....hmmmmmm....
I have no regrets. Last night certainly won't be repeated, but it was very fun before it got stupid, and I didn't think about BF for a whole evening. Onward and upward.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
I need to figure out how to stop focusing my thoughts on what they're doing. Mostly my mind wanders to wonder what they're doing together as a family, since it's Sunday. It makes my heart hurt and my stomach drop.
I know one of the keys to not worrying about it is to GAL, but not even that helps. I still dwell and obsess.
This is such a tough road to be on.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
If it helps, I usuallly think they're doing fairly boring stuff. Buying a house especially is not really exciting as it seems. Even pushing kids in swings can be boring if not your own.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Didn't go to work today because my ankle is still swollen and hard to put weight on. Instead, I spent all day in bed sleeping like a depressed a$$hole.
Since I don't feel comfortable praying for a miracle for myself -- which is ultimately selfish -- instead I prayed for OW's marriage and their vows before God. I'm not even religious.
This is the last day I do this. Period. I need to start accepting reality and bucking up. Moving on. GAL. Forget the one OW is currently playing the part of ME in.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Little, you are so awesome! You have a drinking injury! And now a funny story to tell a few months or years from now... "I was so upset over my a$$hole BF, I went out and got wasted and then sprained my ankle and couldn't walk for days! hahaha!"
Don't pressure yourself too much. If you want to wallow in misery, go ahead! Soon enough you will feel better.
I know what you mean about imagining what they are doing together. If it is any consolation, I'm sure they were fighting. And if not then I bet both were feeling pretty unsettled. You threw a big bomb up in there. Even if they are acting like all is ok, it's not.
Don't worry my Little friend, better days are ahead for us!
Journaling: Dealing with being given up on, today. I feel like I gave and gave and gave to a man that just wants to cop-out by telling me that "we don't work together" and so that justified his choices to cheat and leave.
I sacrificed a lot for that man and did it willingly out of love. I know that in some aspects he felt guilty that I gave as much as I did, like he was holding me back, but I always told him that he can't make my choices for me. Besides, I feel that's what true love is all about: putting your loved one before you out of love. I did what I did because I'd rather have HIM.
If he and I don't work together it's because he made a choice not to work with me, on us. It's not that we're fundamentally incompatible, even if we're two WILDLY different people (we're not). It's that love is a choice you make daily and you have to keep making, even when the chips are down and things get hard.
I don't know where people got the idea that loving means no work, no effort, no hardship. That it's all smooth sailing and if it's not then it's too broken to fix and you should walk away from it.
Despite everything he and I have done to each other (IE: both our contributions to where we are right now), I still love BF. I would still choose to be with him if he ever wanted to come back. He doesn't, and he won't. Facts.
But I'm trying so hard to get over that a man I loved that deeply and that intensely just gave up on me.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
"Since I don't feel comfortable praying for a miracle for myself -- which is ultimately selfish -- instead I prayed for OW's marriage and their vows before God. I'm not even religious."
I'm proud of you on this one.
I'm with you. If I could just get my damn head our of my freaking wife, I'd be doing a ton better. I pray for you and several other here often. I wish I had inspiring words or something cute to say, but I'm just empty at the moment. So (((little))) is about all I have.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
