Old Dog- Egg Nog is a love it or hate it kind of thing. I'm definitely in the "love it" camp. While many spike it with brandy, I personally prefer a nice Kentucky bourbon (and there are some heathen who use Southern Comfort....don't ask). It is also an unbelievable calorie bomb - and for once I don't have to worry, given the amount of weight I've lost since BD, so I've been enjoying a small glass on the weekends as a treat. Ok...that's a lie, I'm enjoying a fairly large glass right now. Oh- its also good spiked with espresso.
Anyway- I'd have to go back and read all your threads to be sure, but it seems to me on at least three occasions you've ended up crying in your car, and that hurts to read.
I know you say the conversations are brief, but next time she starts in with the business about you sticking your head in the sand, shake it up a little bit, put your palm up and tell her to talk to the hand or something that lets you hold your head up high. Because that's where it belongs!
I'll have to try this egg nog then I think. Definately not with Southern Comfort though: urgh too flowery.
The car retreat thing though. It's the only place I can go that's private. At least it's getting shorter each time, but even blokes just have to let go sometimes.
Not sure about holding up the hand though, much as I'd like to. She has done that to me, but I suspect it would most likely be taken as evidence of more ostrich like behaviour.
Trying to hold my head high. When I went on the 'feel the fear' workshop last weekend, I was told I'm 'a brave man: not many dig dep into their lives to examine what's gone wrong and how to fix it'. Something like that, I wish I could remember things like that.
Thanks for replying raliced. How are things wth you? I haven't checked your thread yet since I've been back on the forum: I'll np over this evening.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
Old Dog-Just to make sure I'm not sounding mean. I don't think there is anything wrong with crying itself. Lots of people on these boards report doing it and then feeling better because it was cathartic. In your case though, much like wrote earlier, it seems to lead to at least a melancholy afternoon and I wish you could find a way to minimize this a bit more. Since it seems to happen after an interaction with your wife, I guess I would look for a way to change those interactions up a bit.
Most of time it's fine because we're not talking about the relationship, but when that does come up and she hasn't budged an inch, and in is fact, driving the wedge in further.
I don't know if you saw that I posted her reaction to my sugestion that we go and see a film together without the kids as they wouldn't enjoy it. She said it wouldn't be appropriate. I ask you? What the ****? Hello? I'm your husband. I've been with you for 21 years.
Just thought of something else she said yesterday when she was complaining about me still hoping. Says I'm just ticking the boxes and hoping it'll get back to normal.
Feeling a bit low today still. PMA has a dent in it. Maybe a spot of yoga will bring a glimmer of peace.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
I did see it, and I'm not surprised. Your wife seems dead set on not doing anything that she perceives might give you "hope". I wouldn't give her the opportunity. It's the whole "act as if" thing. Somehow she's not getting that from you.
What I would like you to do is make a tape, playlist or CD of good ole raunchy happy music in a style you love.
No blues, no sloppy love songs, no break up mush, no dirges, some real toe tappin, air guitar stuff. Then when the trigger in the car thing happens you play it, full blast. Then keep some tasty treat in your car plus some lovely after shave.
Go for it, be a boy racer instead of moping. Get a sporty car, have the top down, get a funky hat. Play a cowboy, rock god or super hero. Whatever takes you. Get some underwear like Jims!i
PMA dear one, then arrange some GAL if you think this will happen, something you have to get to by a certain time. Even a dentist will do.
If you want to be really miserable, sit in your car, in a dark corner, play 'your song' with W. Wear your jumper that she once knitted, turn the heater off so it's cold, carry a cut onion to help you along. Don't shave, spend the rest of the day on your own preferably in your pjs with a bag of pickled onion monster munch and broken TV.
Hope I have made my point. I do the first and I have a friend lined up for coffee or a sauna or a drink or an involving film .......
Trust you will have to act as if to start with. Limit the marshmellow to between 4:30 and 4:45 on a Monday or whatever.....
PMA is a choice, mon ami Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 12/08/1407:02 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
What I would like you to do is make a tape, playlist or CD of good ole raunchy happy music in a style you love.
No blues, no sloppy love songs, no break up mush, no dirges, some real toe tappin, air guitar stuff. Then when the trigger in the car thing happens you play it, full blast.
For what it's worth, I have a "good riddance" playlist on my iPhone. It really helped me get through some moments. Now I can go for a couple of weeks without listening to it, but gave it some play time this weekend. I like to sing along really loudly in my car......
For what its worth I don't think the not going to the cinema is about not giving you hope its more likely to be a defence - I could speculate but it would be mind reading. What I will say is that its pursuing and so unless I've misunderstood your situation its not really DB
Vanilla will really ride you on your GAL activities to get you positive so I'd get on to that mix tape.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
