Riding the rollercoaster

[Card29]

I don't think you should if she is not showing any kind of affection or positives signs towards you. Maybe I missed it - why did you stop sleeping in your bed? I know she was wayward. Were you just disgusted to sleep next to her?

[dawgy]

No I wasnt disgusted although i should have been . But no, she started sleeping on the couch . I told her not to be silly and we were only sleeping in the bed > i wasnt trying todo anything . But she said no . This was here way of feeling separated from me i believe . But she still hasnt left . And shes been somewhat nicer to me but i dont know how to read this . How do i know when if ever she wants to try to make things work

[PeterV2]

Hi Dawgy. I too haven't posted in a while.

Why don't you just get into bed beside her, turn your back and go to sleep. If she asks what you're doing, just say sleeping in our bed. She may get up and go to the couch. Or she may just shrug her shoulders, roll over and go to sleep too.

If she tries to pick a fight, don't take her bait.

I highly recommend reading the book: Hold On To Your NUTs. I just finished it and I'll be a better man for it.

Have you been working on a self-improvement strategy? What are you doing to be a better man?

Don't focus on her and her problem. Focus on your own improvements. As you become better, she may notice. If she doesn't then it's her loss. You only have good things to gain by working on yourself.

[dawgy]

Hey Pete , thanks for dropping me a line .Im down in the heap again . She was being nice and things were feelng better till last night . I asked her if things were better and she said no . She said shes just living day to day . ( well me too )Anyway i told her i wanted to sleep in our bed and she said go ahead she would sleep on the couch . I said i just want to sleep beside you nothing else and she said it aint gonna happen . I asked her if she was still seeing OM and she would not give me an answer .Its been a year since she started her affair . Dawgy

[PeterV2]

Too much pressure Dawgy. Too much taking the temperature of the relationship. Don't ask about OM. Don't ask about the affair. I know it's enough to drive you crazy. Like Michelle says, it's the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. Just keep a PMA and detach. Don't think about her. I know it's hard to do. I struggled with it. But detaching and working on self-improvement is the only way to go.
3 Cs
Connect
Change
Create
Connect with your W when she gives you the opportunity - don't force it - that doesn't work and only pushes her away faster.
Change yourself - for the better
Create a new path for your marriage. Start with just a visualization in your own head. Don't share it with her - that's pressuring.
But the most important C is Change - change yourself. Be a better man. If she ends up leaving you for good then you'll make someone else a better partner.

[dawgy]

Had a bad night on Saturday

[PeterV2]

Do you want to elaborate on Saturday night?

[dawgy]

Hey all . I havent posted much as of lately . Things are a bit different under my roof . W is still here . I told her to go ahead and leave but she seems hesitant . I asked her if she was leaving before xmas and she said she didnt plan on it . She swears she isnt seeing OM anymore but i dont believe a word she says anymore either . Ever since i ve told her to go ahead and leave she seems to be holding in and then she becomes nice . She was very nice for several days but this morning she seems bothered again . Mornings seem to be bad for both of us . I really do feel for her , I know she must be torn up inside from all the damaged shes caused . And now im ready to throw in the towel and she knows it . I didnt think i would get to this point but Im so very tired . It wore me down . Ive just crossed the one year mark two weeks ago and I feel defeated . Ive done everything possible to keep the family together . Ive given space < time < forgiveness, patience . Then i went the other route , boundaries tough stance and even crossed the line into the abyss and committed assault on the OM . I heard things and seen things no spouse should ever witness of the one they love but I held tight . I dont see any end to the madness except for her to leave me alone so i can move on with someone new .
Can anyone out there say something to give me a boost to maybe ignite the flame in me again and continue the fight ???? I hate to tear my boys hearts out , thats been my main concern through all of this , but i can tell they are seeing cracks in what used to be as solid as a rock . Not on my part but definitely the way Mom treats Dad . This has got to stop or she HAS to leave .If she could on;ly understand my ability to forgive and forget in time , but all i see is anger and guilt in her eyes > DAWGY

[Sotto]

Dawgy, would you consider leaving yourself? I know the view is generally don't leave the MH, but I did. And if your W won't go, perhaps you could?

Even if you just took on a rental for 6 months for some space & sanity?

Toots :-)

[dawgy]

I would never leave . Shes the adulterer, the offender . Its her duty to leave . I would never leave my boys....ever . If she wont leave I will make it unbearable enough that she will unless she opts for reconciling and is genuine about it . Right know she seems to still be hiding her phone . So that tells me she is still up to no good . Dawgy
P.S Thx for the input Toots . Much Appreciated .