CALL 303-444-7004 to get started right away!

 

 


A Divorce Busting® Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.


A Divorce Busting Telephone Coach
can help you save your marriage singlehandedly!
CALL 303-444-7004
or see Coaching Packages online at the Divorce Busting Store

A Message from Michele
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 7 of 11 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: SunnyB] #2517442
12/15/14 04:30 PM
12/15/14 04:30 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 585
B
bdub Offline
Member
bdub  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 585
Catching up :
Re: the christmas tree.... the boys and I put the tree in a whole new spot and decorated it very simply and very plain. We used lots of white lights, 2 different colors of plain ornaments and 3 other decorations. One ornament with each of names on it. It was almost a symbol of a new beginning. Our lives (and yours too) have changed forever.

I think you made the right choice on the cards.


M42 W40
T17
M15
S13 S11
BD 7-14
A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
D final 2-23-15
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: bdub] #2517447
12/15/14 04:39 PM
12/15/14 04:39 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 585
B
bdub Offline
Member
bdub  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 585
We have both agreed not to file for the 4 month S. And I will honor that. And I am also not willing to rock the boat right now to my financial detriment. So I will be patient. And continue to observe.

You are doing a wonderful job of observing and making the best out of a bad situation.

Have you started to consider what life will be like if the worst happens? Will you be able to keep your home? Will you be willing and able to do co-parenting?


M42 W40
T17
M15
S13 S11
BD 7-14
A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
D final 2-23-15
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: bdub] #2517462
12/15/14 05:21 PM
12/15/14 05:21 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
SunnyB  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
Originally Posted By: bdub
You are doing a wonderful job of observing and making the best out of a bad situation.
Thank you! smile


Originally Posted By: bdub

Have you started to consider what life will be like if the worst happens? Will you be able to keep your home? Will you be willing and able to do co-parenting?


My IC has pushed me in this department a little. Before H moved out, she made me articulate what exactly would be different about my children's lives. Not much. She has asked me to consider that someday I might be a great wife to someone else, a great daughter in law to someone else, maybe even a step-mom. She is not pushing D, she just asks me to think. And I really have a real sense that there is someone out there that will love me in a way that I haven't felt for a really, really long time. I'm not in a hurry for that, and I don't know if it's H or someone else, and I'm willing to wait and see what happens.

A few months ago I saw two different Ls. One said I should sell the house, one said I could totally keep it. I am not overly attached to this house, but I'd like to stay until D12 goes off to college. H is being rather financially generous at the moment, so there's a good chance we can make it work out for me to stay. There's a lot that remains to be seen in the financial department. I'm not going to do anything inflammatory.

I will say, though, that the meetings with the L convinced me that I'd be OK financially. I don't want to have a court fight, but even if it came down to it, there's a certain base level I can count on, and it's enough.

As far as co-parenting, I think we are nailing that right now. Things are going smoothly, H is doing his share and more, we are communicating well. We spend time as a family. I have a very small amount of heartburn with a few things he does, but they are so small they aren't worth mentioning to him at the moment.

Our current agreement is for D12 to be with H 35% (only overnights count). Plus takes her to school most days. I'm thinking about offering him one more week night with her, but I haven't brought that up. We also haven't talked about anything beyond the end of the S period, so no discussions about spring break or summer vacation.

Overall, I think it's going as smoothly as a S can. I don't have the drama that I see playing out with other people here, and I'm really grateful. I can live my life, enjoy my kids, I am not worrying about the power bill, H and I get along in a neighborly way. My life is pretty good. But I don't see R coming out of a relationship with a neighbor......



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: SunnyB] #2517482
12/15/14 06:48 PM
12/15/14 06:48 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 585
B
bdub Offline
Member
bdub  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 585
Be thankful you don't have the drama, trust me!

I think you are considering a lot of things that you may soon have to deal with.
How long have you been in this house? How many times have kids moved?

I am 100% keeping my house. It is all the boys have known and they even make comments like " its good to be home" and "when are we coming home?"
S13 was 2 when we moved and S10 was born a few months after we moved in.


M42 W40
T17
M15
S13 S11
BD 7-14
A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
D final 2-23-15
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: bdub] #2517491
12/15/14 07:17 PM
12/15/14 07:17 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
SunnyB  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
Originally Posted By: bdub
How long have you been in this house? How many times have kids moved?


I am really glad you can keep your house.

We have been in this house 12 years, we moved right before D12 was born. She was the reason we needed a bigger house. S19 and D16 have moved just the one time. This house and our old house are seven blocks apart.

We live in a rather expensive neighborhood. If we didn't already live in it, we couldn't afford to live in it. wink So, I could sell this house, and then I'd have to move to a different neighborhood to be able to afford something else, and that neighborhood would be further away from the girls schools, and further away from my job. I'm not really interested in that right now, I drive plenty every day.

I am grateful that this has all unfolded slowly, that I've had time to get used to things, and I have time to consider what's coming and what's best. Really grateful.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: SunnyB] #2517497
12/15/14 07:29 PM
12/15/14 07:29 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 585
B
bdub Offline
Member
bdub  Offline
Member
B
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 585
That being said, I would pay close attention to how your kids feel about the house. They have just had the rugged jerked out from under them. If you think about it, the only stability they have right now is that house.

FYI my house is the house I grew up in, bought it from the people that bought it from mom and dad. And it sits right next to most of the land we farm. I would have probably gone broke to be able to keep the house.


M42 W40
T17
M15
S13 S11
BD 7-14
A discovered 7-14
WAW moved out 10-3-14
D final 2-23-15
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: bdub] #2517597
12/16/14 12:23 AM
12/16/14 12:23 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
SunnyB  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
My H has caught a case of the "nices". Earlier this evening a pipe broke under the sink. I sent him a picture and asked if it was something I could fix. He (eventually) texted back, walked me through it. And then told me "good job". He for sure would not have said that in the 7 months between BD and S, and I'm having a hard time picturing that even pre-BD. Honestly, if he's this nice S, then I'm thinking it's worth it.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: SunnyB] #2517599
12/16/14 12:26 AM
12/16/14 12:26 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,500
M
Maybell Offline
Member
Maybell  Offline
Member
M
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 3,500
smile long may it last.

The niceness, not the separation.

Last edited by Maybell; 12/16/14 12:26 AM.

Me42, H40
D12, S8, S7
A revealed: 7/13
Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15

She believed she could, so she did.
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: Maybell] #2517601
12/16/14 12:32 AM
12/16/14 12:32 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
SunnyB  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
Originally Posted By: Maybell
smile long may it last.

The niceness, not the separation.


I am pretty sure they go together. And I pick nice.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: RPP: Blindsided and on my own (11) [Re: SunnyB] #2517715
12/16/14 01:36 PM
12/16/14 01:36 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
S
SunnyB Offline OP
Member
SunnyB  Offline OP
Member
S
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
Journaling: H and I exchanged a few texts about the sink, about scheduling an extra band practice for this week (space scheduling is one of my job functions at work), about something he wants for Christmas (I asked the other day). This morning he sent an email asking for my input on what they should play for the Christmas Eve service.

He's texting me, he's emailing me, he's being really nice and polite. The man has become my BFF. Next thing you know he'll be asking me for R advice with the duck. Good grief.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Page 7 of 11 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Save Your Marriage! Schedule Online

Schedule a phone consultation with a Divorce Busting® Coach! Call: 800-664-2435 or 303-444-7004