What's hard is how...when I see the part I played, I take all of the responsibility. Like, if he was right about this one thing, then he is right about everything and that makes me all the things he is saying.
I'm making the D hearing stuff too complicated.
I'm going to simply focus on the questions at hand. I don't want to dwell on what went on previously, just a fair deal based on what I earn now.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather, You've got a lot of bs going on all around you. What's the reason that D20 hit D12? There's no excuse for that behavior and you were right...she needs to go to a meeting, but also find some anger management courses before she goes too far w/someone who will press charges against her.
I'm glad you stuck to your guns and didn't allow her to take your car. You need the car yourself. If your D20 wants to meet up w/her friends, she can figure out how to get there and back, but it's not your responsibility to provide her w/transportation.
Okay, now I'm annoyed w/your perfectionist editor. First, he shouldn't be making comments to you or anyone else about the request for data. The comment he made to you about bringing drama to the paper was uncalled for and second, it's none of his business as to whether D12's father is away she moved to New York. This does not impact on the paper in any way. His concern should be nothing more than getting the paper out and you being there to work on it.
I like what Life Twists suggested about the tools. Use the term "barter" because you didn't just give them away or sell them, i.e., no money passed hands. Make a list of who did what for you and how you repaid them in tools, equipment, etc. Hey, he left, he didn't show any interest in his tools after left and you both were still married, i.e., marital property and you had to manage some how on what little you had coming in.
Keep your focus on the questions. The court will most likely only focus on what needs to be done to separate the assets, liabilities, support, etc.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
D20 won't come out of her room. She is just pi$$ed because I'm demanding a meeting. We have a month before we can see the counselor again. Not living with this tension for that long. The hitting was inexcusable. She tried to justify, I said, "No."
Texted the property manager about the rent. Told her I could give her $650 tomorrow and the balance on Friday. I explained this is about support payments and we are having a hearing on Dec. 15. Didn't hear back, but feels good to have been honest.
Also, told D20 she needs to cover groceries and gas this week. :-)
The perf. editor didn't come out and say, "I hope you aren't bringing drama to the paper." It was implied with his questions. "You had permission to bring D12 to NY, right?"
Swell. I can manage him though. I'm beginning to get a handle on how to deal with him.
He is just a prickk. Possibly the most anti-creative type I've ever met in this business...wait. My first editor was like that too. At least this one is good at what he does.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
The perf. editor didn't come out and say, "I hope you aren't bringing drama to the paper." It was implied with his questions. "You had permission to bring D12 to NY, right?"
Kinda makes me wonder what questions Smokey's attorney has been asking your company? More than just your salary and compensation. Something is fishy and my Spidey Sense is all tingling over this off hand comment.
You and I are on the same page w/the "implied" questions. It makes me think he was trying to get some roundabout info from Heather. Maybe to have a better sense of how to respond to the questions that were posed to the paper and that's why they are late in responding; or to get a better sense of who Heather is after becoming aware of the situation.
I may have this man figured all wrong, but the implied questions sent red flags up for me.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Awwwww, come on guys. I was just beginning to feel better.
I finished the one packet of info. I'm digging to see if there's more. I hope not. If so, it was easier than I thought.
I think the perfectionist editor is just a PIA. He got wind of the D because the nice editor told him I may have to head to Ohio on Dec. 15. This is a deadline day.
Also, I don't think I woulda gotten the Atta Boy from the publisher if that was the case.
MY sense is that the company received the material as I stated...asking for my personnel file...everything they told me that they asked...which is still really shiddy...but, human resources got wind of it, told the publisher, who called the nice editor down to his office to check and see how I'm doing.
In some ways, it gives me a bit of a break because now everyone knows the stress I've been under. And, I've proven I can still perform under this stress. The publisher is a big teddy bear and probably feels badly for me.
Glass if half full peeps.
Perf. editor is just a jerk.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I'm breaking this down. I feel pretty emotionally drained, but I'm excited at the idea of having this part done...at least mostly done.
Focusing on a few things...
1. After reading through some of his texts and so forth...I can sorta see what is running through Smokey's mind. Heather's parents are loaded, I'm (being Smokey) the victim and I've been miserable for so long. It's MY turn. No matter how screwed up his thinking, I believe THIS is HIS thinking. He was very adept, I see now, at pushing the buttons that kept me stuck. Heather is a pig. Heather is afraid. Heather doesn't earn enough...Blah, blah, blah... He used me to remain stuck in his own quagmire of self-pity and addiction.
2. I'm picking up on the lies he has told from the points his atty has made...
For example, his atty is alleging I haven't given Smokey the information about D12's schooling. IE. Where she is enrolled.
But, the truth is...he hasn't communicated with me about D12's schooling until Nov. 19. Up to then, he asked D12 in a series of text messages.
I'm sure he has told his Atty that he has asked ME about the homeschooling and I haven't responded...maybe, in his current frame of mind, he believes this...I don't believe he has, until recently, saved his text messages...so his atty must think Smokey communicates with me about the girls and I don't respond. Silly atty.
Hope you both read this.
As I sift through the material, I, in part can see Smokey's point about how I can be a flake about money.
BUT, I'm also seeing how he has spun some lies and now even his atty is victim to it.
He has told his atty that he gives me $400 in support each month. This is a very Smokey thing to do. It makes him sound like he somewhat responsible and it adds up to approximately $500 per month when you factor in the car insurance... which is what his atty has probably advised him to send me.
In actuality, he has only given me $200 per month. Plus, he makes these "support" payments into an account in his name. Technically, he is making support payments to himself, to an account which still only has HIS name on it. I have plenty of support to back that up.
NEXT...I have printed out and attached the gap in text messages where Smokey went from May 7 to August 28 without any questions, concerns or willingness to see D12 or D20. He only communicates with me via text...and there's this big ol' gap in time. He didn't text D12 during this time either. I could probably get Verizon records if my atty asks.
NEXT...He is saying that I am refusing to tell him about D12's schooling. I printed and attached the text messages from NOVEMBER 19!! That's when he ACTUALLY asked me about schooling and D12. He asked her previously, but, of course, she doesn't respond to him. He's a heck of a co-parent!
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Perfectionist editor's question actually makes me wonder if maybe HE was a victim in a divorce where his wife moved the kids away without his permission.
I would have tried to keep all this divorce stuff to yourself, and still recommend that you largely quit discussing it with coworkers. But if there is an opening to let perf. Ed. Subtly know that H was the one who cheated, moved away, ignored the kids and hasn't paid support. It might defuse any misperceptions he may have. Also....start figuring out how to disarm him and win him over. Reading a good book or article about win-win negotiating may help you both with your divorce and your editor.
Heather, We are only going on what little bit of conversation you had w/the PIA editor about your situation. When people make comments such as what you posted, if does tend to make people question his motives, which evidently are concern for the paper. Don't take what we are saying and make yourself feel bad about it. Continue as you have been.
I knew you'd get through the packet of info and the questions are just questions that need answers and documentation, nothing more, i.e., like another poster said...a questionnaire.
At least your editors are aware of your situation and know that you've got some stuff that needs to be taken care. Have you decided what you are going to do about the 15th? Are you going or are you going to do it telephonically?
Yes, your glass is still half full, but be cautious in what you share w/the people you work for.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
