I lied in my last post. I do want to R with BF, but I was aware what my actions would do and know that now that will not happen. I am okay with that and the bed I made with BF by doing it, if it means someone else can be saved.
I hope she tries to work on her M. I know her H; not well but we run in the same circles. He has some issues with mental illness (bi-polar?) but loves her deeply and IC and MC could save their family. They have a D7, I believe.
Are you sure you have read DR? Go back and read it again, start with a beginners mind.
I am not a vet and these are my views. It is not your role to tell OW anything, not only is it bad for you but she is an separate person, an adult. Bf can just get another OW. There is now a child in this mess too. Stop, don't do it. there are sites which do advocate exposure of affairs but I can not find anywhere in DB that this is advocated especially 'warning OW' and 'saving'. You can not do that and that is her job for herself.
Little- your concern should be you. Whilst you are concentrating on OW you are not concentrating on you.
Think again and reread DR. Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 12/06/1401:55 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Is there any hope? BF is moving on with OW and says we don't work together as a couple. Not new news, but it hurts.
I feel like my entire essence is drowning in pain today. Dare I hope that against all odds and rational thought that some day we might have another chance?
Little my dear it is not over until it is over ie: one or both of you is dead. But for right now you need to just try to get back on your strong, awesome, confident feet. He has a lot of work to do changing himself. And it doesn't even sound like he recognizes that! So it would likely be a long road until you two can work on things.
So for right now, focus on yourself. if you need to be sad and cry that is fine. If you need to be alone with a bottle of wine, go ahead. If you need a hug from a friend, go find one. There is nothing you can really do for or to or with him now. Just let it go for now and see what happens.
I feel for you. I have been in this really sh!tty place before for sure. It is low and terrible. But you will be ok, and sooner than you think.
I feel like I've regressed back to the beginning of this whole mess. I've done nothing but sob all day. I slept until 3pm and then took a drive to try to clear my head and get out of the house. I ended up at a local reservoir looking over at the water -- but the weather was chit and it was raining and super cloudy and dark. I haven't eaten since yesterday and it's almost 6pm here. I just can't choke down the food.
I feel ridiculous for saying that I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than without BF -- both because on one hand I feel he's not worth that and on the other hand it makes me a weak person. But that's the truth of how I feel in this very moment.
I'm going to see if I can get in to see IC more than once a week until I return to a place where I can function like a normal human being again.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Hey Little, Sorry to hear that you are in a bad place right now. I've regressed a bit the last few days too, questioning if their is any hope and yes, I pulled out DR again. It [censored] to be in this place again. Soon enough, the roller coaster will hit that bit where it gets picked up and carried to a higher place though so hang in there. I'm sure it is just around the bend.
In the meantime, I agree with Lisa, that you have to focus on YOU. Good idea to see IC a bit more frequently. I also find it hard to eat when I am feeling down and so treat myself to some take out or go get some ridiculous ingredients that I don't usually cook with just to make me a bit more motivated to eat. The other day I made scallop pasta - which I've never done in my life!
Keep posting. Let us know how you are getting on.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Hugs to you, Little. Just know that you are worthy, and your worth is wholly independent of what your BF does or thinks. Search for the worth within yourself and cultivate that, shift your focus. Tomorrow will be another day, and you won't always feel this way. It's just part of the cycle. We've all been there. Take solace in the fact that you will move through it. You will.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
You are not weak! This is part of your cycle, a phase, I recollect that I went to the ocean alone, sat in a cafe and cried. We need the release in order to get ourselves back again. A cycle of negativity washes us with grief for the loss we are suffering. But it passes, it's private
There is a wonderful post by 25 in response to MCS about exposure, it's on rzrback's thread today. Please read it, it is amazing wisdom, especially if you can't face the DR book in full.
Please take care of yourself, at this stage you need all your strength for you. Please go GAL, and let us know what you decide to do, tell us about the GAL in your life.
It is hard to do but it is one way forward. Take care Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
As I said over in Razrbacks thread, I had what I have coined 'reverse exposure' I told W that I was convinced by our friends that there was an OM. I can tell you, I think it set us back. My W tried avoiding everyone anyway at first, but she has further distanced herself from her true friends because I think she feels ashamed and embarrassed.
Also, it's normal to have days like this. It's tough to go through because it's exhausting and draining, but remember we are all here for you.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
