Since I have had such a great relationship with my girls, the teenage button when it was pushed came as a bit of a shock. I know d16 loves me but some moments are just really hard. She is trying to separate from me, I get that. That doesn't mean that she has gotten closer to her Dad though.
Trying to find your own way is hard no matter the age, add in all the teen angst and hormones... get out of the way. At the same time I do" know" her. I give her space when she needs it, I present things that she may enjoy in subtle ways. For example I thought she might like "The Breakfast Club". She was sitting in the living room working on her computer and I put it on. Didn't ask or mention it. After a bit, I noticed she was really into it. New favorite movie and a bonding moment.
Hang in there.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks Kat and T^2, you inspired me to reach out to d17. She will be going off to school in the fall, and exposed to new people and new ideas. So I emailed her to see if she wanted to go thru an exercise which will challenge her faith. We'll see if she accepts the challenge.
My plan is to help her think thru ideas which will conflict with her faith, like Mithra, Old Earth vs. Young Earth Creationism, and perhaps Islam. But I know she is busy with school and applying to colleges and financial aid, so let's see if I found something that interests her.
Otherwise, on Thursday I am taking d20, d17 and s13 downtown to see a Christmas display or two. I haven't told W yet, so I better get on the stick.
I guess I am not fully detached. My W texted me on Sunday telling me she has been curled up all weekend because she was sick. This made me happy knowing she wasn't out with other men. But I was nice enough to text her back that "I am sorry that you are not feeling well." Does this ever go away?
Ok, I'm a knuckle-head. I just snooped my W's dating profile - yes, she is still on at least 2 dating websites.
Here, I just posted for someone else that to snoop is only inflicting pain on yourself. And then I do this.
A couple of interesting notes about her dating profile:
- W now lists herself as "separated" rather than single;
- Her current OM (if he is even around any more) must not be so special as she has not given up up the dating sites for him. Of course, what's that say about me as it's me that she is married to;
- The one hard piece of info on her profile. She freely speaks about sex. And her great line about sex, she believes before buying the car, she "needs to test drive it first." Ughhhh!
Of course, what's that say about me as it's me that she is married to;
Says not a thing. It's about HER, not you. Have you had your time with D17 yet?
Thanks T^2, I needed to hear that.
I will see d17 and the other local kids on Thursday for a day-long Christmas display outing. She has not yet responded to my attempt at least engaging her by email to discuss tough Christian topics.
Yep snooping is painful. She hadn't indicated that she stopped, so why even go there. Please stop looking in the rear view mirror, it will only keep you tied to the past.
As for your daughter, I was aiming for something light to connect you. She is going through enough heavy thoughts at the time and I am sure trying to understand her mothers actions is quite a weight on her. Chances are she is being more of an adult than her mother now. Give her a break, remind her that there is fun still. That being a kid can still bring joy and silliness.
kat
Last edited by kat727; 12/10/1412:57 PM.
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
... As for your daughter, I was aiming for something light to connect you. She is going through enough heavy thoughts at the time and I am sure trying to understand her mothers actions is quite a weight on her. Chances are she is being more of an adult than her mother now. Give her a break, remind her that there is fun still. That being a kid can still bring joy and silliness. kat
Hi Kat,
You mean everyone doesn't enjoy engaging in spiritual discussions on tough intellectual topics? This is what I do, and one of the things I enjoy most in life. To engage with someone with a different viewpoint, and the moment when one of us has a "light bulb" moment when something new is discovered and learned is great fun for me.
But I understand your point - d17 is still a young woman. And she likely needs more "fun" than intellectual challenge right now in her life. Again this is the challenge. I invited her and s13 to spend the night (tomorrow they do not have school). So let's see if she accepts the invitation and maybe I can pull out a fun video game we would both enjoy. Thanks again.
So I went to W's place to pick up d17 and s13, not expecting W to be there as she was at the hospital all day for a family member having surgery. But as I entered W was there on the phone speaking to d18. As I am standing there, W mentions that she has a "wild" Friday nite planned (sarcasm was used here.) She was having friends over, she emphasized women friends, for a cookie exchange.
The 'ol Wet was gullible enough to believe W, that she is spending time with women friends, and hoping maybe she is getting better. I want to believe the best in her, and I am sure on Friday nite it really is with her gal pals. But I also know the truth, W continues to date other men, and this won't hurt me any more. It is out of my control.
So I have all 3 local kids at my place tonite, and this is good. D17 is already doing homework, so I don't have much contact with her yet. But enjoying the kids thru the next day is job #1.
