That was a lot of talking! It doesn't seem like you got something very positive by going off script and talking about your changes, right? How do you feel about having done that?
It sounds to me like he might want to sleep with you again and that's why he keeps mentioning sex. I bet short term affairs can't be as pleasant as what you guys had. I'll admit to wanting sex with exes (I left) in the past, but mostly because it was great, not because I wanted to get back together.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
He does not want to sleep with me again. We were having sex when we first split and he put an end to it because he felt guilty about giving me mixed messages. Also, he's talked about this before -- great sex, details about times we did it, so on and so forth. It's never gone past that.
No, if he wanted sex, he'd be asking for it; trust me. He'd either be saying, "Hey, wanna meet up" or at the very least he'd be hinting that he wants me to initiate an invite for it. He's doing neither.
In fact, I said that if we had both been different people X amount of months ago, we'd probably still be enjoying the amazing sex; then I said we'll have to mourn it like at a funeral. His response? "LOL! Probably!"
SO: I have no idea what his purpose is. I can't puzzle it out and I'm not going to bother.
As for the other, I don't feel particularly upset I shared with him the other stuff (changes, etc). He's a thinker. He'll ingest it later when he's laying in bed trying to fall asleep. It was a seed planted with calculated purpose.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
I just finalized my registration to be a member of a local chapter Scrabble player's club. They meet up weekly to play competitive, ranked games. I'm so excited about this I could pee my pants.
I mentioned I was in the process to BF earlier today and he told me I'm going to obliterate the competition. He used to brag to friends about my Scrabble prowess and even would tell them to play me at Words With Friends, because there was no way they were going to win. I creamed like four of them that didn't take him at his word. ROFL!
Anyway, joining a social club to go out and do something with people of a mutual interest is a 180 and a GAL for me.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Oh, hormones (PMS)! You are such a kick to the face. I wish I knew how to quit you. Boo hoo. :P
A little weepy today but it's mostly because I keep thinking about OW. I also keep creeping on her husband's FB page; he mentioned BF by name and called him a "piece of trash" for "stealing his [husband's] family".
I need to keep my thoughts in my own sandbox and stop creeping on that man's FB page. I blocked OW's page so I wouldn't be tempted to peep, I need to do the same here.
Also, I REALLY want to show OW the texts BF was sending me yesterday -- which are so inappropriate if you're trying to establish a new relationship with someone else. But I will not, because it's not my sandbox. NOT MY SANDBOX.
STOP IT LITTLE. STOOOOOOP IIIIIT.
I also know I need to go dark and stay dark and stop responding to BF's texts. I know this. I know it. SO STOP DOING IT, LITTLE. JUST STOP.
Not feeling kind to myself today.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Don't we have two people inside of us? Reason knows what to do, but Emotion is a screamer and often gets its way. Emotion woke me up at 4:45 am to talk about what W and OM must be doing. It had to be restrained by Reason long enough for me to fall back asleep. Of course, Emotion woke us all up at 7 am to continue it soliloquy. I wish Reason could knock Emotion out cold for a few days.
But yes Little, according to DB you need to go darker than this. Telling him you've registered for this Scrabble Club (congrats! though it's a sore point for me because W asked for our Scrabble board to play with OM... she and I never played and we're both words people) has 10% of the value of him finding out later. Now he thinks he knows all you're doing, since you keep him informed anyway -- even if it's not true, you reinforce this impression. You need to be more surprising, mysterious. You need to look more like you don't do this for him. "Wait, you've been in a Scrabble Club for a month?? What else?" I got this very reaction from W when the kids told her that they see me do my workout. Even if you don't already, it looks like you need to tell him even less. Don't turn into one of these people who always do the opposite of DB and then come her to confess as if it cancelled it out.
Good luck with the hormones!
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
My brain knows and understands things my emotions aren't up to speed on. It [censored].
Also, a small part of me has this niggling feeling that if/when I ignore him after he initiates, he's going to equate it to "more of the same" as far as my attention to him goes. I wasn't so good with that during the later part of our R and he felt super neglected.
I'm so confused. I hate this game. I hate this situation.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
So, in thinking about it, I feel like the only way to find peace for myself is in completely forgetting BF. Like, as in, avoiding him like the plague and trying to keep my mind off him as much as humanly possible. Go dark, ignore that he exists.
I honestly don't think that he'll want to rebuild with me. I think he's done with our R and this contact -- whatever his motivation, which ain't related to missing me -- is tearing me to pieces.
Is it appropriate to explain this is what I'm doing and ask him not to contact me unless he finds himself in a place where he wants to revisit our R, or should I just completely go dark without explanation and let him stew in his own juice while I go under water and find a healing place?
Sorry about the "spam" posting. My hormones are seriously out of whack and I'm uncharacteristically antsy and anxious today.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
The rope is dropped completely. I do not want to R with BF in the future.
I sent a message to OW on facebook. I told her how we started, BF and I, and how she needed to know he has a pattern of cheating. I told her he's been sending me inappropriate texts and although I knew he was done with me for an R, it's not right, and I didn't want to see her get hurt.
She asked for some proof and then apologized. Told me they'd been banging for a long time and she cried the night he told her he was breaking up with me, because she felt guilty. Yes, he left me for her: The night he told me hebhad cheated with someone but it was long over, there was no one else and he wanted to work on himself.
I told her how I felt about him. How I was willing to work on our R and how I consider him my soulmate. I relayed some of my side of our story, I told her she could do what she wanted with the info but I didn't want to see someone else hurt like I am now. I advised her to go back to her husband and work on her M.
I don't know if they'll stay together or not. Don't care anymore.
Honestly, I feel better. Now that I know how bad I was being played. He will never want to R with me again now. I'm okay with that.
I'll stick around and try to heal, here. I'm gutted and sobbing but I feel good knowing that she's aware and will either go forward with caution or be hurt of her own choice: I told her what I was never given - the truth.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
