I just had my best night in three months! I didn't wake up with a racing heartbeat because of the S, which is a first. In fact, I was half awake for a few minutes and didn't even think of the S, which is very surprising. Oh, of course, I cried a little a few times during the morning routine, but without the deep sorrow that I usually feel. This trend started last week. Perhaps it's just time healing me?
I see two more potential explanations. First, the fact that OM is planning to move in with my W in January has an unexpected consequence: I see them as leaving the romantic phase and entering routine. It's something my W needs to learn through all this and it's also something I'm less jealous of. Second, I had a fairly long email exchange with my W yesterday, in which she initiated twice and I made her laugh. I have reasons to suspect her OM isn't as witty and she's seeking this with me. I'm still kind of confused about these exchanges. I'm also aware that my mood is still pegged to my W, but I see myself as improving gradually.
I had a good evening with the kids yesterday, cooking as usual, doing my workout with them (they love it), a bit of dancing, etc. I was in a good mood. I hug them a lot and they're very cuddly. I can tell how much they love me and I want to be deserving of this. Today, I can foresee a very good evening, as we're expecting guests with two kids their age.
By the way, I had a realization last evening: I've come up with a list of surprises for my wife that could improve the daily grind (after R), such as leaving notes around, etc. It occurred to me: many of these things, I can do for my kids. Not only is it a good way to practice and become a better person, but it has real, positive impact on my kids.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Mozza, I really feel for you man. Sounds like you're going through a lot of same things I am (especially in regards to waking up with a racing heart). Your positivity and great attitude is really inspiring to me. I'm sure you've seen this before, but you should only worry about the things you can control! It sounds like you've been doing a great job in that regard. You also sound like an awesome dad!
Rooting for you! - lonelyship
Me 23, Her 21 1S 2 M <1yr, T 7 WAW: She moved out 11/15/2014 She started D process 1/29/15
Thanks lnlyshp. A week ago, I've made the conscious decision of being optimistic in my sitch. It's often a struggle, but I find it more helpful and no less realistic than the pessimism that can engulf me.
A few of things I do to help my PMA. - List 3 things daily for which I'm grateful. Comes from happiness science, focuses your brain on positives. - Visualize. I try to imagine how my sitch will move to R. Visualization is a known technique of successful people. - Some reading of high achievers that fell on my lap. More inspiring than anticipated. - Spend less time on these boards! My sitch has stabilized anyway. Reading too much the struggles of other people brings me down. - Patience. Time really does make things better. It's awful to have to go through these hard times, but they're not for the rest of our lives.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Being positive is definitely going to have a positive affect on your life, and the I like that your seeing that some of the ideas you thought through can be applied to other situations (liek notes for your kids) and that will hopefully make those more positive.
I know what you mean about the moving to routine - it brings real world problems and if your still having regular positive interaction then that will have an influence BUT (and its a really big BUT) dont have any expectations or peg your hopes to this. you need to keep your focus on you and your positivity.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Jcred - Your message form Sunday just appeared. I guess you were under moderation. Thanks for voicing your support. It turns out that Wonka's posts were just an elaborate prank to teach me a lesson.
jim0987 - Thanks for your advice. I'm still pegged to that idea, I admit it, but I also realize that I get better over time. I've decided to be kind on myself, given the good trend, and trust that my detachment will increase over time.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I had to chuckle...you give me far too much credit for this so-called "prank."
Originally Posted By: Mozza
It turns out that Wonka's posts were just an elaborate prank to teach me a lesson.
I sincerely do hope that you've shut off all criticisms and put-downs in all of your interactions with your kiddos and W. Self-awareness goes a long way in repairing the damage from them.
Looks like we both have had good days today. I've got a favorable PMA also, actually had a conversation with the W that seemed relaxed and cordial. Its been a long time since that has happened.
I'm not as far ahead as you in proactively addressing my mood prior to starting the day, but I think its a good idea that I'll start to try to do. I do see that I'm more relaxed and thinking about the sitch less. Did you ever think that we would be feeling this way just a few weeks ago? I'm sure we'll be down again, but its good to sit back and see how much we've grown over this in a short amount of time.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
What's got your knickers all twisted? My comment was kind and to the point. Stings too much? Don't want any reminders of it so you can just sweep it under the rug and pretend that you didn't do those things to your W and kids? Then you've not not willing to do some introspection at all. Seems you're blowing smoke when there's no fire.
Once again, I do sincerely hope you've ceased all of the negative criticisms of your loved ones.
If you cannot handle this simple feedback, then I guess you're going have to learn the hard way by yourself.
I am not understanding why you want to keep your head in the sand about this matter.
Wonka - That's exactly it: I'm not keeping my head into the sand about it, not at all. I've admitted it, I've said it, I've confessed to it, I've listed it multiple times. Just read my posts from the beginning. I had realized it BEFORE coming here. I talk about it with my IC. I've told you this multiple times. You're the only one on my back about this, everyone else seems to see that I've no problem admitting this and working on it. I just don't understand your insistence. What have I done to you?
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
