Saving my family - Part 13

[melissag]

Hi Scorp, just checking in on your sitch, as I haven't been around much lately.

I am sorry to tell you this, but you are NEVER going to understand why your W does what she does, or thinks what she thinks, or why she is insisting on spending a bunch of money you don't have on lawyers, or why she is staying in her parents' province even though the price is so high. You just aren't. So you just need to do what the others said up there - you look out for you and your kids. And if YOU need to make sacrifices to do it, then that's what you have to do. Does it suck? YES! But you do not have a choice. Ask your L what you can expect to happen if you fight her on this stuff. The things your L says you are going to lose, give them up. Now. Whether you agree with it or not. The things your L says you will win - decide whether you are willing to pay your L to get that win for you. That is ALL you can do. Stop messing around with trying to convince her of things, or fix things, or whatever, and just get to work figuring out how things are going to be, and how you are going to make things work for you and your kids. Trust me, because I know from experience, all you are doing right now is making yourself crazy.

[Wonka]

Hey Mel!!!

How are you doing, my friend??!! If you are able, I'd love to hear an update from you.

[Scorp7]

I've managed to pare down my expenses even further so that will help a little bit.

We are dropping the asking price on our acreage to nearly the bare minimum we need to pay off the bank and the realtor. IF it sells then we at least will be free to move on. She will be walking away with almost nothing, so will I. My kids LOVE their home, doesn't seem to matter to her.

I'm picking my kids up tonight, making the 500 kilometer round trip once again. At least my W has been willing to come part of the way over the summer, otherwise it would be a 800 kilometer trip each time. Once my kids are back in school and until the acreage sells I'll be back to travelling the whole 800 kilometers each week.

They will be home for a few days and then we're headed back to her province on Monday to be ready for the start of school on Tuesday. I'll have my kids with me all week which will be awesome as always, especially with school starting.

I'll be seeing my W tonight. Not sure that I will bother talking to her much other than to inform her of some of the financial updates from this week. We had been exchanging the kids on Thursdays over the summer and had planned to switch back to Fridays when school started so I think I'll keep my kids the extra day this week.

[Drew]

Now that the market has determined that you don't have a lot of equity built up in the house - it would be easier to buy her out of her half.

Just sayin.

[melissag]

Hi Wonka! I will post an update soon!

Scorp, sorry for the hijack. Glad you are getting some good advice here.

[Scorp7]

Hi all! It's been a while! Where do I start?

Things had been getting better. My W and I were meeting every week when we exchanged our kids and things were going great. We were talking, laughing, hanging out. Everything seemed to be finally going in a positive direction. That is until October.

My kids had wanted me to go around with them trick or treating and had been asking their Mom for this for many months. She would never give them a straight answer when they asked about it which was causing them a lot of anxiety. Finally, after my D7's gymnastics class, all of us were leaving together when the topic of Halloween came up. My D7 asked her Mom if I could come with them. One thing led to another and I made the brutal mistake of getting drawn into an argument with my W, with the kids there as well Like I said, brutal.

So, since that time, my W has stopped talking to me directly. She barely will even respond to a text. It's been a huge setback for all of us. I'm trying to stay patient, not push anything.

In other news, the house was listed for 6 months and did not have one single showing. I didn't relist with the realtor, we are going to try again soon. I have rented an apartment over in her province and have been travelling back and forth each week. It's hard but it's so worth it.

[MrBond]

"One thing led to another and I made the brutal mistake of getting drawn into an argument with my W, with the kids there as well frown Like I said, brutal.
"

Doesn't seem like something so minor could have caused such ill feelings. What did the two of you say?

[Scorp7]

I wouldn't say it was minor, I definitely didn't want to get drawn in to an argument. A weak moment for me for sure.

Basically what happened was my D7 asked my W if I could come with them. My W once again said she would talk to her later, something she'd been doing for months. I made the HUGE mistake of saying "don't worry about it D7, she isn't going to say yes anyway". Bad idea.

My W said she was planning to make a deal with me for the time with them that day. I said the kids time shouldn't be a deal, they wanted us both there. She flipped out and said we shouldn't do things jointly with the kids because we're not together and that she has tried being friends with me but she just can't do it. It went on from there for about another minute. I didn't raise my voice or curse, it still was a very dumb move on my part.

[Barrybran]

At least you know it was a dumb move. How is your relationship with the kids now that you're with them more often?

[Scorp7]

It's been awesome with my kids. Our week together is great, they love being with me even though we're in an apartment most of the time right now. It's great to know that they don't really care where we are, just that we're together. My D7 tells me all the time she wants to stay with me and going back to her Mom is often pretty traumatic for her.

My W seems to have retreated since the argument. As lousy as it was, I don't think it was nearly bad enough to warrant not speaking with me for nearly two months now. Apparently she does. All I can do is be patient, stick with biting my tongue and with time things will hopefully get better again.

She's asked me to bring a few more things for her from the acreage. Considering everything she's done a part of me wants to tell her no. That would be petty on my part though so I'll likely go along with her.

It's a roller coaster. I'm out and meeting new people, getting a new life for myself. Some days I feel like I can do anything and that everything will be fine no matter what. Then there are other days where I get an overwhelming feeling of loss and I miss my W very much.

On a more positive note, my band played it's first show again since I started it back up. It felt so good to be up there again. We're booking more shows, only in the time when I don't have my kids, it's been a very good thing for me to get back to.