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A Message from Michele
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Re: Raliced - Quattro [Re: raliced] #2515747
12/10/14 03:42 AM
12/10/14 03:42 AM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,685
FL
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SunnyB Offline
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SunnyB  Offline
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Posts: 2,685
FL
Happy Birthday! And I love your Christmas list.



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
Re: Raliced - Quattro [Re: SunnyB] #2515794
12/10/14 11:11 AM
12/10/14 11:11 AM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 708
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Ahoy Offline
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Ahoy  Offline
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Happy Birthday, raliced! The fact that he didn't do anything just reinforces the fact that he is not the person he used to be. And yes, it's best not to have expectations. My birthday is next week, and I actually hope that my H doesn't acknowledge it because I think it would throw an emotional wrench into my day. I would rather have my space and peace. Why would you want an emotional cannonball wrecking your day? Also, let's say he did help the kids make an album for you -- wouldn't it just make you sad and give you (possibly false) hope that he still cares? At least he is not stringing you along, even though I know it's disappointing.


M: 43 H: 39
D: 14
Married 15 Together 16
BD: 6/2014
S: 8/2014
OW revealed 10/2014
Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress
So over it!
Re: Raliced - Quattro [Re: Ahoy] #2515815
12/10/14 01:01 PM
12/10/14 01:01 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 955
Northern California
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raliced Offline OP
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raliced  Offline OP
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Posts: 955
Northern California
Hey Ahoy,

Actually I guess I was hoping for the gesture more as a sign that he is willing to co-parent cordially, or at least working on getting to that place. Believe me I am under no delusion that he cares about me in any other regard at the moment. He has made that abundantly clear and I have accepted it.

The parenting thing is starting to look like more of an issue. The girls came back from his place yesterday completely exhausted which is getting to be pretty routine. I want to be able to talk to him about this kind of stuff - but its just not possible right now. Hope you have a great day!


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
Re: Raliced - Quattro [Re: raliced] #2515884
12/10/14 04:05 PM
12/10/14 04:05 PM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
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zew Offline
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zew  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 628
My WAW did nothing for my birthday last month. That was deliberate; she has all these things loaded in her calendar. It was also expected; my W misses no opportunity to stick it to me as payback for making her life miserable. A week later my D13 realized they had missed it and apologized. (A couple of months ago D and I watched "Sixteen Candles" together, so it resonated with her.)

Yesterday was my W's birthday. I got the kids a card and a gift card to give her, from them. I wanted the kids to see the right thing to do, regardless of how W and I are getting along. Later, after the kids gave her the card, my W actually said thank you to me. She brought me a piece of birthday cake last night, too. Both were unexpected. Every once in a while, her true good self shines through.

Anyway, raliced, I don't know that any of it means much one way or another. Men are notoriously bad at remembering birthdays at the best of times, and given his state, you were right not to expect anything. I wouldn't read malevolence into it, nor would I let it suggest how he might be at co-parenting. We LBS's always want to read things as "signs", and more often than not, we just end up beating ourselves up with the signpost.

Hope you made yourself have a good day, and know that next year's birthday will be better, because that is what you want, and therefore, you will make it so.

-zew

Re: Raliced - Quattro [Re: zew] #2515890
12/10/14 04:17 PM
12/10/14 04:17 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,885
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Georgiabelle Offline
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Georgiabelle  Offline
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Raliced,

Happy belated birthday! Is there a reason I wasn't invited for cake????:)

I'm sorry your day wasn't acknowledged. Although, I believe you should celebrate the entire year:-) I can't begin to speculate why your h didn't say anything so I won't go there.

Zew, I'm sorry you feel your wife feels your ruined your life. I got that for a while too although x Mr GB has softened a bit. Or maybe I'm so detached I see things differently? Not sure. He texts me frequently and sends funnies occasionally. He did not wish me a happy birthday this am but did ask if kids wished their mother a happy birthday. (They had).

What's it all mean? Who knows? Be the best you can and know their feelings and actions are their own.

I have learned you can't make someone coparent. Do your part and the rest will be what it is. I hope this is a wonderful year for you Raliced!!!


Me-42 xh-41
3 kids
BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. )
Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style
D final 9-9-14
"Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Re: Raliced - Quattro [Re: Georgiabelle] #2515912
12/10/14 04:58 PM
12/10/14 04:58 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 955
Northern California
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raliced Offline OP
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raliced  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 955
Northern California
Thanks GB and Zew!

GB- the chocolate peanut butter cake was delicious. I am going to allow myself a moment of snark here- STBX always claimed to be "allergic" to peanut butter (despite being able to eat peanuts). Since his departure I have been eating it and other foods he dismissed similarly (hellooooo Hawaiian pizza) with abandon.

Anyway- hope it doesn't sound like I made too much of the birthday thing. It was more of a shoulder shrug kind of disappointment.

D6 was able to improvise by carving "Happy Birthday Mommy" in a leftover pumpkin using safety scissors. She then presented it to me, wrapped in swaths of wide blue painters tape while doing some faux tap dancing. Love that kid!


2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
Re: Raliced - Quattro [Re: raliced] #2515914
12/10/14 05:01 PM
12/10/14 05:01 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
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labug Offline
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labug  Offline
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Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
Wow! what a gift! Love it!


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
Re: Raliced - Quattro [Re: labug] #2516036
12/10/14 09:25 PM
12/10/14 09:25 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 414
Godless NW
B
bravo61 Offline
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Posts: 414
Godless NW
Happy b'day. Maybe you should get a kick out of the knowledge that so may men thought of you on your b'day.


M40 XW35
M11 T15
S9 D5
Bomb 6/3/14
Papers del 10/3/14
D final 12/5/14

I wish I could love you and make you believe it
'Cause that's all you ever wanted
From me

Re: Raliced - Quattro [Re: bravo61] #2517160
12/14/14 03:38 PM
12/14/14 03:38 PM
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 955
Northern California
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raliced Offline OP
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raliced  Offline OP
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Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 955
Northern California
One of the little fears that popped up post separation, was how I would handle things when I was sick and had the girls.

Well, D3 brought home a nasty stomach flu this week that has swept through the house. I did end up in the ER to receive fluids on Friday, but somehow managed to get through it all. I guess you can make through most things if properly motivated.

Other than the obvious illness related stuff, its been a pretty mellow week. Settling into a bit of a routine with STBX. he emails me to confirm logistics of pick up and drop off, and other than that we don't communicate. Divorce stuff seems to be chugging along, although his lawyer doesn't seem in any rush to draw up the papers. I don't really care about this, except that I would really like them to be completed and filed before we go to co parent counseling which I think we need pretty badly. I'm sure painful things will be said - and that seems like it could muddy the waters.

I've been pretty even keel for quite a while now - when I have "bumps" they seem pretty minor and quick. I feel like this should be affecting me more?

Last edited by raliced; 12/14/14 03:42 PM.

2 Ds: 7 and 4
BD and Sep: 7/14
Divorce Final 2/16
Re: Raliced - Quattro [Re: raliced] #2517161
12/14/14 03:43 PM
12/14/14 03:43 PM
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
L
labug Offline
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labug  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 9,676
Sonoran Desert
What kind of hurtful things?


Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss
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