Dawn , gg this is tough ride thank you for your support
Broke down in the supermarket today. I had to abandon my trolley and visit the ladies, tears running down my face.
Now that the boundaries are being put in place and I am no longer holding back what I need to say, then the memories that I have been denying are flooding back.
I am beginning to come to terms with the extent of the verbal abuse to which I have been the subject. P I hadn't visited this particular branch of the supermarket chain for a long time but today it was the easiest one to visit as I was passing. Standing in front of the juice counter, I was suddenly flooded with emotion.
The conversation I had playing in my head: broadly like this: H: did you get juice? I needed some and I wanted it this morning but there wasn't any. Me: yes H: I need to see what you got Taking juice from fridge H: when I said juice I did not mean this muck Watch my lips, the juice I like begins with A, the letter A get it A p p l e spells this twice You are useless at shopping, you ignore all my wants blah blah spew
This was 5 months ago and the juice was from that supermarket and I didn't do anything about the abuse for which I feel horrified. I feel I let this happen inch by inch.
In fact this was daily fare, the wrong toothpaste, margarine etc
Funnily enough am putting this batch of juice away in the fridge and h bought the last batch of juice. The juice in the fridge he bought is orange juice, standing side by side with the juice I just bought which begins with A.
I don't understand why I still love this man. I am afraid of what else I will remember now the floodgates and barriers of denial are broken and what that will release in me.
Frankly I am confused, how can I not have seen this and put the boundaries in place before it got this far.
I am a bunch of crumple zones.
At least I have my house to myself tonight.
I am cooking fish! Vanilla
Well vanilla. Lets see if I can top your apple juice story I hope to give you a laugh not make you feel small.
My h wanted hemorriod cream, the supermarket didn't stock any. I had to buy suppositories. He lectured me how stupid I was buying the wrong stuff and how it totally proved his theory I didn't give a $hite about him and deliberately bought a$$ pills. He talked for 40 min, when I tryed to explain he would jump on me saying I haven't finished talking your rude as well. He did not use the suppositories and continued to whine about it.
Last edited by Ggrass; 11/30/1408:50 PM.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Woke this morning in great pain. Toothache again. Can't actually work out which tooth as the whole of my jaw is on fire.
Agony.
Yesterday, no pain and today...........
Ongoing saga for 10 months, and dentist has no idea why jaw keeps getting infected. More antibiotics again. If it wasn't such a terrible thought I would have all of the troublesome teeth removed. Last time the dentist inserted a drain into the jaw.
Why does pain seem worse at night?
There must be something about the mornings dark hours which causes it to seem worse?
I had a lot of plans for today which will be difficult if I have to include yet another dentists visit. The pain makes concentration difficult too.
I am determined to concentrate on my work and all my major goals from now on will be work ones.
Ouch!
Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 12/01/1405:08 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Yeah maybe h wanted to apply hemorriod cream to his face, it would be hard to apply suppositories. Lol
The funny thing is he now says I never purchased anything for his house hold. After years of those incidents where he called me stupid for buying the wrong thing even when he wasn't paying he has now flopped to she never bought anything.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Stress does those stuff to our bodies. My forehead breaks out in bumps when I am under stress. Arrrrgh.
As for your tooth, I urge you to use baking soda when brushing your teeth and use mouthwash afterward. At two points, my gums hurt a bit and I use mouthwash. Its like a miracle liquid because they do heal my gums. Since then, I've taken to using mouthwash and flossing religiously.
Thank you rd for visiting as you know I am very much an admirer of your relationship with your children.
Gg it's funny how that goes but I am an accountant; I have the receipts and the analysis.
Wonka I am going to use the baking soda trick, might help ease the soreness. I already use mouthwash etc. dentist has provided me with special nasty tasting stuff, particularly designed to evoke revulsion to food.
Looks like it's a bone abscess again, biopsy taken in case it's more sinister: back in two weeks. Dentist injected anaesthetic into my face and now every thing is numb. I have joined the dribbling crew, and my face feels like a humongous but it looks normal in the mirror. How does it do that, feel weird, like a fat lip and bloated nose. Very attractive.
Just for today sandi I am breaking all your guidelines almost every single one-well at least half, ok a quarter then, well at least 2 or 3 of them.
Counselling session with IC at doctors surgery then joint session with doctor. Both have recommended low dose SSRI which they want me to take for up to six months. The prescription is sitting in my handbag. I am unsure if I will take it, I have never had anything like this before and in general I am coping. Although because of the abscess I feel tearful.
I am sleeping ok. And I am going to practice snoozing, dentist says rest so I am going to rest. And I am going to indulge in CHOCOLATE too, I am going to make chocolate custard with a dash of brandy, I have some ginger biscuits to crumble in. A great big comfort bowl of it and some. I haven't eaten yet so there are calories to consume.
I am ignoring H who for some reason is being solicitous. Makes me suspicious and I really don't want manipulation at this time. Go away H I have a bowl of custard to make.
Tonight's GAL is going to be online and completing my assignment for gam anon.
A sleepy puffy faced Vanilla Quasimodo has nothing on this lass
Last edited by Vanilla; 12/01/1404:59 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I don't believe in snooping, or prying or reading H emails and texts.
The old adage "if you snoop all you get is poop"
There are those who believe forewarned is forearmed. To my mind though it's easy enough to protect ones own information. Passwords, second phones, new email addresses and other methods- even if one snoops only part of the story may unfold. We may only be getting a part story if we snoop and in my sitch only extra hurt.
I don't know and haven't investigated if H is having a full blow EA//PA although this would not surprise me. I also don't know if he is gambling. His other behaviours are rotten enough. I sense H is now aware that H is in control of his own destiny and that I am merely an observer until he wants me to participate. H is going to have to make a good recovery before this happens and I am unsure if I want to risk another cycle of destruction as this is my third already in this relationship.
H is checking my phone though, so now I have a second one. He checks my email, sip I use my iPad. His behaviour makes no sense, but I think mine is effective in this sitch. It's working,
As my doctor says, this is temporary until I can escape. I love that word escape it has a good ring to it.
I need the house sold. In the meanwhile I am not living in the house, it no longer feels like my home. I want to reclaim my space. I need a plan
Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 12/02/1401:55 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
By living in the house, I mean I am staying here but not really living here. I no longer entertain here. I GAL away from home. Not much goes on here other than sleeping. This used to be a full happy home with light food and music.
I don't want other people here, I feel embarrassed by a drunk who insults me. I am not at home in my own house, my own space. I feel I need to reclaim my space.
Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
