Yeah...back off on OM. Your W heard you and knows what your preferences are. She's going have to figure it out one way or another. Meanwhile, continue doing what you've been doing so far. And that Austin trip? When are you going to DO it?
I suggest that the next time W brings up OM, you'd firmly tell her that you will no longer tolerate hearing her talk about him because you are not her gay boyfriend, you are her H, and it is extremely disrespectful to talk about OM. Then w-a-l-k away if she continues to persist in this.
However, stress that you're willing to discuss some ideas and solutions on how to improve your M as a H and W team. Discuss your dreams and aspirations. That would be a good starting point. That can be done in the safety of MC and perhaps continue on outside of those sessions. Doesn't your MC give you homework assignments on how to re-connect?
I know it is. It's like we have the flu, and all I worry about is the fever.
I don't have any problem not talking about OM, I just have problems shutting her down when she wants to. It's like all she ever wants to talk about is the R sometimes, and the OM is part of that.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
I do follow along on your thread and you receive great advice. Please do not think I'm being Debbie Downer, although I want to point something out. You have many positives in your sitch and seem to be doing rather well. However, for your own sanity, do NOT put much stock into what they say. My xh talked about is buying furniture, family vacation, etc and we are D'd. Please know I'm not trying to be hurtful. I see many sitches where the WAS talks about the future and things change. That's why detachment is so important.
Focus on you and the now. I know it's difficult not to think "see, they think x now." The WAS will flip on a dime. Hang in there!
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 11/30/1412:49 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I do follow along on your thread and you receive great advice. Please do not think I'm being Debbie Downer, although I want to point something out. You have many positives in your sitch and seem to be doing rather well. However, for your own sanity, do NOT put much stock into what they say. My xh talked about is buying furniture, family vacation, etc and we are D'd. Please know I'm not trying to be hurtful. I see many sitches where the WAS talks about the future and things change. That's why detachment is so important.
Focus on you and the now. I know it's difficult not to think "see, they think x now." The WAS will flip on a dime. Hang in there!
No worries, GB. The Seaworld comment was not out of left field. Before BD, we were planning on sending D10 to San Antonio for a SeaWorld camp. I didn't take W's statement tonight as a sign of anything other than the absurd fantasy world she's living in. If she eventually wants to D I'll try to be fair and keep things as amicable as possible, but she's smoking crack if she thinks she can divorce me and we'll still take family vacations together. That camp is not cheap. She doesn't realize the financial hit she will take, as she does not have a good alimony case per my attorney.
A few weeks ago she was talking about OM and actually said the following words (this was before I learned not to discuss the OM) "Maybe he and I can just be good friends and we can help each other out with our marriage issues". It was all I could do not to choke when she said that. I think her fog has thinned some since then, but she's still harboring a lot of fantasies.
Bear in mind she is not explicitly talking about S or D right now. She keeps just saying that she feels "lost".
Last edited by Rzrback; 11/30/1401:08 AM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
