Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
These things happen. And it was very generous of you to give up both as dependents next year. Had I known xh was going to have another, I may have reconsidered, since they have 2 dependents in their house now. Friggers.
No sweat, Brook. He can't be mad at ya. You tried to correct it. Shows your honesty and sincerity.
Hopefully he will understand... just for the sake of not having to deal with it.
You and I both need to learn how to take it easy on ourselves. I think when you're married to an abusive d-bag...I think the wearing away of our self-esteem is just as insidious as the disease of alcoholism...just as cunning and baffling.
I think it's going to take some time to reverse the damage done. Be kind to yourself Brook. You are amazing :-)
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Just thought it was time for an update to my thread, not only so you guys know whats going on but because having this journal of this time has been so helpful to my healing.
I have never gone back and read all my threads but I do scan a thread or two from time to to time and I see such a change in myself. I also feel the love from you guys in every response again. Those replies and knowing I am not alone is so so huge.
Life is good. Girls and I enjoying a great fall. With Halloween and school and playdates and activities.
I still have not dated and am in no rush to do so. It would be nice to have a fellow on the side but I don't want a boyfriend. I really don't want to incorporate anyone into the great life my children and I have on our own.
My parents and my sister continue to be wonderful. My mom does 90% of the babysitting and is like a second mom to my girls when I work long hours. We are planning a trip to Disney this January, its gonna be awesome.
ExH continues to flail about.
Over Christmas break he should get the girls for a couple extra days and also one of his weekends falls over that time (the 27th & 28th) according to our divorce contract. But instead he just taking the girls over night Christmas eve then he brings the girls home to me and then he takes off for vacation until January 2nd.
Its really heartbreaking - how he has made himself so unavailable to them. Its been over 3 years of him running away from them.
When he told me about his vacation via email. I thought about it and I wrote back. "Just to confirm you are giving up your weekend with the girls as well as your vacation time with them as allowed for in our settlement. You are missing out on great ages"
I was really glad I wrote back. In my situation I have allowed him to walk all over me and I've allowed him to not take any responsibility for his actions. I have been so afraid that he would call me a b$tch that I have been frozen with fear.
I am happy to have the girls for 95% of the Christmas break but I want to at least speak out as to what he is doing.
Also this weekend d6 had a birthday party she wanted to go to. It was a pajama party in our neighborhood from 6p - 9p. ExH said no. Now that he has moved 40 mins away, bring D6 to a party like this becomes a pain especially since D4 will be going to bed at that time.
It was sad for me that she could not go cause I see this as just one of many things she will miss out on cause of the our sitch and cause he choose to move 40 mins away.
It is also what I predicted would happen when he moved.
Since he moved he has not been to the kids school. Not once. Breaks my heart that he is such a half a$$ dad.
Also just cause I need to record it somewhere - exH clothes continue to get more teenage even as he gets older.
Life is great
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Brook, Heather is right. You are an amazing lady. You are so graceful and smart. You carry yourself with such dignity. I really admire that. It is something I struggle with.
I am glad you said something to your x about your kids, too. I am sure you didn't get a response to that. For me, I think it is perfectly fine to throw those comments out there once in awhile. They have this idea that what they are doing is fine, because if their selfish mentality. But sometimes throwing that in there may give them a second look. It does not change their mentality or behavior, but I think it is good for them to get checked for their behavior.
I know all about not wanting to say anything to look like a b, too. They have this amazing ability to twist and turn everything to make it about us. Well, silence is golden, and that rationed truth dart holds more power. Good for you.
I am glad you will have the opportunity to spend more time with your kids for the holidays. You are right, and he will never get this time back. But think of all the amazing memories you can make with your kids. They feel so safe and happy with you, Brook. They will forever remember that.
My dad wasn't always around when I was a kid. My mom did amazing things with us. She always made the holidays so special. I have wonderful memories and get all warm and fuzzy inside during those times. I don't look back with anger/resentment, or anything like that. I have great happy memories with my family, even if my dad wasn't there. (I have an amazing r with him now, btw) I am sharing this because I don't want you to worry about that with your girls. I am sure you find them happy and content with you. That is great, and that is all they will think about and remember- the happiness. Give them that and enjoy it. It is his loss...
Some amazing news - My sister in law whose cancer diagnosis sparked my exH mid-life crisis just had a clean 2yr scan, the doctors said REMISSION!! Her cancer survival is truly a miracle as I have mentioned here before.
My exH told me about this good news. I can not get over that he told me. He literally tells me nothing and if he does need to communicate with me its via email not in person.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
This is amazing news! I'm so happy to hear that she's in remission.
Wonders never cease, but it's evident that your xh was very happy about the good news and he wanted to share it w/you.
Miracles happen every day, but it's news like this that makes them even more special.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Bklyn - You are dealing with a lot but remember you are the mother of his children. That's a huge distinction no matter what the future holds. It puts you on a totally different level from any other woman. Always will.
I remember when my girls were young like your babies. Life was so exciting every day. I bet they are going to go crazy now that it is December. Holiday decorations everywhere and hoping for snow. My girls still go kind of nutty for snow but we live in the south so it is a BIG deal.
Glad you are feeling better. Hang in there and know you have plenty of people here ready to listen or offer a little sympathy.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
