Took W shopping with D16 and her boyfriend and again W was really nice and we all had a good time, then on the way back W started to s**t test me, she told me that tomorrow night she was going out on a date, I kept a PMA and just said oh who with, and she replied laughing with gay Neil who is a mutual friend who I have no worries about, and just seconds after that a man jogged past the car and she said mind I would go out on a date with him, I just did not reply That's 3 s**t tests including the condom comment a couple of days ago why the hell is she s**t testing me?
I think she is trying to get a reaction out of me so she can justify her leaving me, I think she is doubting her decision to leave but I'm not taking the bait,I'm not comfortable with these tests but I'm in a much better place than I was 6 months ago
Another thing I should add I have not told her I loved her for the last 4 months I don't put any kisses on any of the txt messages I send her I just act like we are friends
Paul, have you read information regarding the subject of personal boundaries in a relationship? What I am seeing in your stitch is a woman who is not only a WAW, but she is wayward. You have said yourself she gives you S-tests.
Can you tell when your children test boundaries to see how far they can push you before you call a halt to it? Well, adults do the same thing, especially someone they don't respect. The WAW is infamous in pushing boundaries. If you have no boundaries in place, then you will not only lose your relationship, but also your self-respect will take a dive. The very fact that she was acting in a such flirtatious manner with OM that he thought he could kiss her right in front of her H and children..........speaks volumes.
I suspect she knew you were watching her every move (b/c that is what new LBH'S do), and yet she continued her display of open disrespect. You are a man. Without her respect, you don't have her. Are you listening? A woman cannot have loving feelings for a man she does not respect. It goes hand in hand, b/c that is how women were designed. She has to respect you as leader, protector, provider, and head of the home......or it is nothing more than a pretense of being a couple. Oh yeah, she will test you (b/c that is what women do, especially a WW), so more reason to know your own limits and make certain she knows.
So think hard about what you will not tolerate. Think about the values you would die for, and won't live without. I hope respect is high on that list.
DBing is not complicated, but it is not easy to do. Never mistake it to imply you are to roll over and play dead. It makes my blood boil at the men who thinks being a doormat will draw their W back into the MR, when it actually does the opposite.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks sandi for the great advice I will read up on personal boundaries, the feeling I get from W is she is not in love with OM or any man come to that but she is in love with herself and she wants the best man she can get, I'm sure if I can pass these tests I will win her back.
Update on my GAL Well last night was very interesting, I hit the town night life with a couple of male friends one of who is also going through a bad patch with his W who also happens to be a close friend of my W, anyway we go into this one bar where they had a rock band playing, the drinks start flowing and we are having a good time when a woman who is known to me and my friends and my W walks in and noticed us so joined our party a few more drinks later she asks me about the situation with the W and if we will get back together and I told her I just don't know, she then leans over to me feels the muscles on my shoulders and tells me I have a beautiful body she then kisses me on the lips just a peck but wow I could feel the sexual tension between us this woman is no slapper she is a high value very pretty woman right up there in the same level of my W we chat for a about an hour and we really connect then my friends decide to move on to another bar so I stroke her hair and give her a peck on the lips and tell her I will see her around, I walk to the next bar on cloud 9 I love my W and want my family back together but I now known what ever happens I'm going to be alright
I'm going to say something, and it is not judging, but i hope a forwarning. There is a saying here I believe 25yrsmlc uses, "Keep the road home paved smoothly". Some people in your stitch might think that refers to doing everything your WAW wants, basically becoming a doormat. I don't think it means that at all. The way I see it is that you keep your nose clean. You don't run out and get involved with another woman. That could really complicate things, and you talk about placing barriers on the road back home.......that could do it! I know, you were had no intentions of getting involved, but based on what you said, it would have been pretty easy to go too far, and then trouble would really mount.
You got a big shot of ego serum from a woman who would have slept with you, had you not left. You were doing some MAJOR flirting. Do you not think that it will get back to your W that you were seen kissing another woman?
Quote:
I walk to the next bar on cloud 9 I love my W and want my family back together but I now known what ever happens I'm going to be alright
Why, b/c a horny woman came on to you, and that's what it took to let you know you will be alright? Look, you felt good b/c your ego was fed. But that is only temporary and it will take a lot more than bar hopping and womanizing to make everything alright. You have to have something more solid. So, get your head straight and start DBing.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I meant to add something else. After your behavior in the bar, you don't have much room to say anything about your W's actions at the birthday party. If you want her respect, you have to lead the way, instead of behaving just as poorly as she does.
IDK, maybe you saw it as getting back at her. But this does not work. You can't expect her to show you respect when you don't act respectful. Am I making sense?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks sandi, I think there is a good chance that W will hear about the flirting, if that has a positive or negative effect I don't know, but I do know that I won't sleep with another woman until I know that there is no hope. Another thing I should add sandi is that on Bd me and W had been to a family party in a local bar and all night she was flirting with other men, well when we got home I pulled her about it and we had this massive argument which was the start of her decision to leave me
Can I also say this behaviour from my W is not how it was through out our relationship, she was never a flirt she only had eye's for me, I had total trust in her, the change in her personality came after she went on a all girl's holiday to Magaluf a Spanish party island
