The Black Knight

[LoisB]

Having a really good hair day. Thank God for small blessings.

[Georgiabelle]

Nothing like a good hair day. Well, maybe a good jeans day. Enjoy your girls:-)

[LoisB]

Thanks Georgia,

So far, keeping it all from them and doing a good job.

Venting here.

My hair just rocks today. I've got this Marilyn Monroe thing happening. Very cool.

Going to read another chapter.

[BrightFuture]

Heather, no need to apologize for venting here. It s@cks that you received all this info right before the holiday. Job gave you a very good advice. It is probably good that your atty is waiting for the other side to lay down all their cards. Don’t panic. Think about positive outcome.

Enjoy the dinner and the weekend. I’m sure by Monday you will have more clarity about what you need to do next.

Thinking of you today .

[beatrice]

Hi, don't know if this will help, but two things.

1. I had a very long drawn out divorce process. Got that over and

2. He threatened legal proceedings for more money - went on 13 months UNTIL

I went on the offensive. Basically instead of responding I said enough. Sue me or go away. Nothing for 3 months now. Still not breathing easy, but the point is, the point is . . . .

You could call his bluff. I would suspect that the last thing on this earth he really wants is custody. This is not to make your child a pawn, but ask him what custody would look like to him?

[job]

Heather,
I'm sorry if I struck a nerve w/you, but I'm trying to offer up some advice and suggestions to help you get ahead of this train wreck that your h is rolling your way. I do understand where you are coming from and the road isn't easy right now, but it will be in time, i.e., you have to get through this painful fact finding mission.

You've got a lot to think about and yes, preparation work for the discovery questions that will come along, if they haven't already. I know you'll get the stuff done, but right now you are angry and I hate to say this and it's not making excuses, but many of the MLCers drop this type of stuff on us around a holiday or special event. It's to throw us off our game, ruing our holidays and yes, make us as miserable as they are. I wasn't surprised to see that you had gotten some stuff this week, but I'm sorry it had to be yesterday.

On another note, glad you are having a good hair day and your dinner is delicious. Kudos to your oldest daughter for coming through today.

P.S. You aren't ruining anyone's holiday by your postings. MLC, depression, etc., doesn't take a holiday and that's why we are here posting, i.e., to help each other get through the holiday.

[LoisB]

He texted D12 and without saying Happy Thanksgiving, asked her, "Do you like going to work with your mom?" He then made some light comment about the snow and said he loved her. He also called her by the nickname his family insists on using with her, although, she hasn't heard from them in what? a year?

Job,

I really wasn't offended, necessarily...for me, IDK, sometimes I don't clarity on why I do the things I do until I have some adrenalin surging through my veins. I had a moment of clarity about my father and I let it out.

I'm doing ok. I managed to read two Harry Potter chapters and I brought in three buckets of Christmas decorations and helped, with D12, to put things out.

D20 cooked a really, truly fabulous dinner. It was awesome. We sat on our beanbags and watched Elf while eating way too much.

I'm now taking a two-hour break from the girls. I told them I am napping. I just need to turn it off for a bit. I'm ok except my chest sorta hurts. I feel lots of tension.

He hasn't asked for custody. And, honestly, I'm not sure he will. I panicked and that's my worst fear. Absolute worst fear. The reality of this, however, may not be based in fact.

You know how MLC-ers are struggling to find their own identity?

Well, the thing that's always scared me with Smokey is his LACK of identity. He is easily pushed, pulled and prodded along. And, combine this with some really crazy inlaws and a mean atty...I'm sure he has convinced them all that I've kept D12 away from everyone. Well, and my inlaws are more than willing to go with that story because they get a Get Outta Jail Free card too.

Mom is spending Thanksgiving with crazy stepdad. I knew she was keeping him available in case her high school sweetheart didn't work out. Ick.

[LoisB]

D12 is giving me tons of resistance about counseling and dance lessons and everything else right now.

I may need to have talk with both girls and tell them we need to be brave as we move through this last phase of things with Smokey. He's obviously looking for our weakest link. I will pray on this.

I can't, however, put my career on hold for this divorce. I may need an extension to get things in order. My job HAS to come first.

[job]

Heather,
I'm going to be perfectly honest w/you, the question he asked your daughter about her going to work w/you isn't innocent, he's digging for info and is trying to find out exactly what your d12 is doing. He is trying to find out if her homeschooling is structured, if you are devoting the necessary time required for her homeschooling or she's just doing whatever she wants.

I do think he truly loves is girls, but he doesn't know how to relate to them because he's not been a permanent fixture in their lives for a number of years. As for calling her by the nickname his family insists on using, it tells me that he's been talking to them about your daughter. Not to scare you or give you an additional worry, but you don't know what he and his family have come up w/in regards to D12. Don't be too sure about the custody request. You haven't gotten everything out on the table yet. I don't trust none of them at this point.

I'm glad your mother is spending Thanksgiving w/someone. I hate to see people be alone on holidays. I know you don't like your stepdad, but if he's making her happy right this minute, that's all that matters. At least she's not crossing over on to your street today and getting in your business.

Any way, take some time out and pamper yourself this afternoon. You've had a really tough week all the way around. Hopefully tomorrow will be better as it is TGIF!

Take care.

[LoisB]

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. That's what I'm thinking too.

Smokey doesn't want custody, but this fear where his parents are concerned has always scared me...even when the girls were babies. At one point, MIL actually said she wanted to take D20 from me because she wanted to parent again.

I need to balance this fear, however, with the reality that they haven't reached out to the girls in forever. And, I have the history of text messages to support my claim.

I fucckin hate this. This is every worst fear of mine coming to fruition. Did I Do THIS? Am I somehow to blame?

It will mean having a sit down with D12. Not today, mind you. But, she needs to understand, somehow, the importance of creating a life here. A balanced, activity-filled life with people around her who can support her and support that this is where she needs to be. D20 can hear the sordid details and, I may need to tell her straight out that I cannot have her budge on her loyalty to me right now.

If, on top of moving and everything else, I am going to put D12 through some more pain...That letter. What did she say in the letter? It's all my fault.