Well, I cannot sit on it for the weekend. He arrives on Monday and wants to pick up his mail. Now, that our mutual friend is not staying with me, I don’t how H is planning to come over for the mail. I need to have clear plan. I don’t want him in the house without me, but I also don’t want to be the one to make the arrangement with his brother to pick the mail if he meets him or whatever…
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, Put the mail in a small box or trash bag and sit it on your front porch or somewhere outside where he can get it very easily. There is no reason for him to come in the house at this point in time. Once you decide where you are going to place the mail on Monday morning, notify him and tell him where to look for it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, I haven’t even thought about this. Thanks. This actually revealed that my mind is still not where it is supposed to be. My thinking is still directed to accommodate H and make it easier for him, sigh…
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
It's time to think about what is best for Bright. Accommodating your h in some things is okay, but if you don't want him in the house, the best thing to do is leave the mail in a place outside where he can pick it up.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, I don’t want him wondering around the house without me in there. But, I think I would like to see him. Do I? I have to go to work on Monday. Do I ask to work from home on that day? All these questions are popping into my mind like crazy. I am still having a hard time deciding what I want to do when it comes the time when H is passing by from/to the vacation home. I think I’m doing well when he is away and not bothering me. Then I slide back…
I think he is trying to avoid seeing me. This is why he booked his ticket to arrive on Monday and also made the arrangements to leave for the vacation home on Monday as well. He knows that I work during the day. If he would want to see me, he would pick a different schedule. Do I just go along with that and not force the situation?
I’m going to think a little more about what I want to do on Monday.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
You could always remind him that you are working on Monday and give him two choices: 1) schedule a time to pick up his mail when you are home; or 2) you can leave the mail in a specified place outside. Don't spend a lot of time over thinking this one. Give him the choices and see what he opts to do.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks, job. I sent him an e-mail with the updated file (I paid the taxes, so nice of me ) and validated the fact that he is having a bad year. I asked him what time he thinks of picking up the mail, so I could make the arrangement. Will see what he says. Last May he came to pick up his mail and some other stuff, I was in the house getting ready to leave for work (I just started my new job back then.) I thought that he would come over, pick the stuff and leave. Instead he asked if he could stay longer, because he wanted to use some tools in the garage to make some repairs to his camper. I was caught off guard, so I said “yes” (being the nice me as ever…) and left for work. He still has the key to the house. He actually asked me last time if I changed the locks, and I said no. I trust him to not take stuff without my knowledge. He would ask if he would want something. I think…
I had my tile and grout cleaned this morning. I found the cheapest price in the mailer coupons. Lessons leant… The guy was kind of strange. He kept talking to me all the time. His helper was a young boy and kind of dumb. He asked weird questions. I noticed that the two little tile steps were not cleaned, so I asked the guy why. He said that he personally cleaned them, but they have to dry to see the result. I had to let the sealant dry for about an hour, and then I looked at the steps and they were not cleaned. He sealed them though. So, I had to clean the steps myself. They also missed some spots here and there. I was upset at first, but then I looked at it and it still looks a lot better than it was. I can live with it, for a third of the price. Next time I will be smarter in selecting the service.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Hi BF, Just a warning and I'm not saying this is the case with your H, but my W felt she had a "right" to take the things she felt were "hers" (as well as things that she KNEW she had no right to) and did so when she came to the house when I wasn't there. You may think he won't but don't be so sure. They really can't think of anything but themselves at this time and think nothing of how you may feel about it. Just be careful. I had to get my lawyer to file an order to stop my W and even then she just didn't see why she didn't have a "right" to just take what SHE saw as hers. Just be careful.
Matt, thank you for the concern. It is too bad that your wife would snick into the house to take stuff. I’m pretty sure that H would not do it though.
Update. H replied to my e-mail yesterday telling me that he would be at the house around 10 am. There was no other questions, like if I would be home, or if I would leave his mail in a designated place. I thought that he was just going to come in the house, since he has a key.
And I was right. I stayed home this morning, working remotely. I also had to make a phone call and discuss my other work that I picked up on the side. So, it was perfect timing. I was on the phone when I heard the knock on the door and almost immediately the key inserted into the lock. Then I’ve heard H saying “hello, is anybody home”, while walking in the door. He saw I was on the phone and went directly into the kitchen where I had his mail ready on the table.
I cannot believe this guy. Does he still think that he can just walk in the house at any time, using his key? I didn’t tell him he could not, but he didn’t ask. He just assumed that he can do it and I would not mind. It just leads to some analysis here. He is still under impression that everything is the way he left it. I would not be surprised if he drives his car back in a week and asks me if he can park it in my driveway.
When I got off the phone, he was ready to leave. I gave him his shoes that I found in the closet. Then he asked me if I wanted to come out and say hi to our mutual friend (who arrived back from his country) and another guy from the vacation home who was driving (he came to the city for the football game and was leaving today, so it worked out perfectly for H and our friend to get a ride back to the vacation home.) So, I came out for a min. I asked my friend if he received the flowers I sent for his Mom’s wake, and he told me that they were beautiful. H looked at us and said “I pitched in” and we all laughed. I thought it was a weird comment.
So, H looked the same, not better, not worse. I was in my office clothes, looking cute. I didn’t notice if H was looking me over. I think he didn’t. It seems like he wanted to get out of here. Well, people were waiting for him, but still… I wonder if he set this up in this way, so he would not have to stay longer or have a conversation. I have a feeling that he is afraid of any conversation with me at this time and trying to avoid me. Maybe he is afraid that I would bring a D subject, LOL. I think that he feels uncomfortable around me, which is strange, because after all this time he should not care, right.
I felt fine though. Pretty relaxed. Seeing him didn’t bother me as much this time. I’m going as usual with my day.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Oh, yeah, forgot to mention, H did say “thank you for collecting the mail for me”. And he looked happy. I guess it feels good to be in worm place after freezing his a$$ of in the state he works at.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
