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Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: wmwb123] #2510652
11/24/14 11:47 PM
11/24/14 11:47 PM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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Wonka Offline
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Wonka  Offline
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Posts: 7,319
WMB,


Originally Posted By: wmwb123
Perhaps if we have positive interactions she will realize/remember that I'm not such a bad guy after all. That should cause internal conflict, right? I mean, she had to demonize me in order to justify the affair, but if I'm not such a bad guy after all, her justification disappears, right?


Sadly, it's par for the course. Many WASes vilify and demonize the LBS so they can tell themselves that they were "right" to leave their spouses. Otherwise, why would they leave a spouse who is a nice guy/woman?

Consistent actions will slowly turn around that ship. Give this process time. A looong time, in fact.

Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: Wonka] #2510655
11/24/14 11:50 PM
11/24/14 11:50 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
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wmwb123 Offline OP
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wmwb123  Offline OP
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Posts: 316
Originally Posted By: Wonka
WMB,


Originally Posted By: wmwb123
Perhaps if we have positive interactions she will realize/remember that I'm not such a bad guy after all. That should cause internal conflict, right? I mean, she had to demonize me in order to justify the affair, but if I'm not such a bad guy after all, her justification disappears, right?


Sadly, it's par for the course. Many WASes vilify and demonize the LBS so they can tell themselves that they were "right" to leave their spouses. Otherwise, why would they leave a spouse who is a nice guy/woman?

Consistent actions will slowly turn around that ship. Give this process time. A looong time, in fact.





Even though divorce is imminent? Is there still hope? Or have I lost her for good?


M 16 T 17
W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14
ILYBNIL 5/14
A discovered 6/14
D papers served via USPS 8/14
Filed my response 9/14
D final 5/15...
Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: wmwb123] #2510657
11/24/14 11:52 PM
11/24/14 11:52 PM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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Wonka Offline
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Wonka  Offline
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Posts: 7,319
WMB,

One is never done until one says it is done.

I've seen DBers reconcile long after D papers were signed. One cannot predict the future. Who knows that you and W can reconcile down the road. Just keep doing what you've been doing.

I am so sorry that W is really pushing for a D very quickly! I am surprised at the speed of it.

Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: Wonka] #2510658
11/24/14 11:57 PM
11/24/14 11:57 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
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wmwb123 Offline OP
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wmwb123  Offline OP
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Posts: 316
Wonka, it's lightning fast. She met the OW at work last August. They became friends around November of last year. They started texting frequently in January of this year. They began an EA in March. It turned into a PA in May, and my wife moved out and in with the OW as soon as it got physical between them, so she had known the woman less than 9 months before moving in with her. She immediately began talking about divorce.


M 16 T 17
W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14
ILYBNIL 5/14
A discovered 6/14
D papers served via USPS 8/14
Filed my response 9/14
D final 5/15...
Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: wmwb123] #2511150
11/26/14 03:39 PM
11/26/14 03:39 PM
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Posts: 7,319
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Wonka Offline
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Wonka  Offline
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This is really awful, WMB. Just stay the course. What are your Thanksgiving plans?

Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: Wonka] #2511171
11/26/14 04:31 PM
11/26/14 04:31 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
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wmwb123 Offline OP
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wmwb123  Offline OP
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Posts: 316
Thanks, Wonka. Going to spend Thanksgiving with my dad. I won't be alone, but this will be my first Thanksgiving without her in 17 years. Are you suggesting that I stay the course because you think there's still hope? I am feeling so hopeless lately.

Hope you have a nice Thanksgiving.


M 16 T 17
W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14
ILYBNIL 5/14
A discovered 6/14
D papers served via USPS 8/14
Filed my response 9/14
D final 5/15...
Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: wmwb123] #2511314
11/27/14 12:00 AM
11/27/14 12:00 AM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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Wonka Offline
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Wonka  Offline
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Posts: 7,319
WMB,

Originally Posted By: wmwb123
Thanks, Wonka. Going to spend Thanksgiving with my dad. I won't be alone, but this will be my first Thanksgiving without her in 17 years. Are you suggesting that I stay the course because you think there's still hope? I am feeling so hopeless lately.

Hope you have a nice Thanksgiving.


What I meant by 'staying the course' is keep doing what you've been doing and keep coming back here. I do want to comment about the 'hope' thing. Hope and faith are two separate & distinctive areas. Sometimes it is okay to keep a small ember of faith going inside of your heart because it is one and constant. That is your motivation to keep moving forward when the going gets tough at times. Hope comes and goes at times. In my mind, hope is a related term of expectation. Make sense?

Happy Thanksgiving too!

Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: Wonka] #2511487
11/27/14 05:34 PM
11/27/14 05:34 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
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wmwb123 Offline OP
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wmwb123  Offline OP
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Posts: 316
Hope everyone is having a nice Thanksgiving. I'm headed to my father's house where I get to explain to extended family that I'm separated and in the middle of divorce proceedings. Not really looking forward to that. frown


M 16 T 17
W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14
ILYBNIL 5/14
A discovered 6/14
D papers served via USPS 8/14
Filed my response 9/14
D final 5/15...
Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: wmwb123] #2511506
11/27/14 07:35 PM
11/27/14 07:35 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 841
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HPoirot Offline
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Posts: 841
I'm sorry your in this sitch wmwb123. Stay strong and enjoy your family.


Me: 44
W: 45
S: 11
Married: 15
Together: 18
BD: 9/29/2014
OM discovered: 10/16/2014
I left her behind: 12/14/2014
Re: Am I on the right track? (3) [Re: HPoirot] #2511509
11/27/14 08:13 PM
11/27/14 08:13 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 316
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wmwb123 Offline OP
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wmwb123  Offline OP
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Posts: 316
Thanks, HP. I hope you're having at least a tolerable Thanksgiving. I know you're dealing with this, too.


M 16 T 17
W moved in w/ AP (OW) 5/14
ILYBNIL 5/14
A discovered 6/14
D papers served via USPS 8/14
Filed my response 9/14
D final 5/15...
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