Arthur and his trusty servant Patsy "ride" along through the woods. Suddenly they come apon a stream crossing where two knights are battling in a heated duel with giant longswords. One is dressed in green and one in black. Arthur stops and watches the fight.
The two knights attempt to maul each other in many various ways and with many different tools of medieval weaponry. Finally, when the green knight is charging the black with a battle axe, the black knight throws his sword straight through the slit in the green knight's helmet. The green knight falls to the ground, bleeding profusely. The black knight steps forward and pulls his sword out of the helmet. King Arthur, impressed with the black knight's fighting, motions to Patsy and they "ride" forward.
Arthur: You fight with the strength of many men, sir knight. (The black knight does not respond) Arthur: I am Arthur, king of the Britons. (no response) Arthur: I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me at my court at Camelot. (no response) Arthur: You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me? (no response) Arthur: You make me sad. So be it! Come, Patsy!
As Arthur and Patsy start to ride past the black knight, he suddenly speaks:
Black Knight: NONE SHALL PASS. Arthur: (taken aback) What? Black Knight: NONE SHALL PASS. Arthur: I have no quarrel with you, good sir knight, but I must cross this bridge. Black Knight: THEN YOU SHALL DIE. Arthur: I *command* you, as king of the Britons, to stand aside. Black Knight: I MOVE FOR NO MAN. Arthur: So be it! (draws sword)
A short battle ensues, where Arthur, relatively unencumbered by armor, easily dodges the slow and heavy strikes by the black knight. Finally, Arthur dodges a strike, steps aside, and cuts the black knight's left arm off with his sword. Blood spurts from the knight's open shoulder.
Arthur: Now stand aside, worthy adversary. Black Knight: 'Tis but a scratch. Arthur: A SCRATCH? Your arm's off! Black Knight: No it isn't! Arthur: Well what's that then? (pointing to the arm lying on the ground) Black Knight: I've had worse. Arthur: You LIAR! Black Knight: Come on, you pansy!
There follows an even shorter foray, at the end of which Arthur easily cuts off the black knight's right arm, causing it and the black knight's sword to drop to the ground. Blood spatters freely from the stump.
Arthur: Victory is mine! (kneeling, praying) We thank thee Lord, that in thy mercy--
He is kicked onto his side by the black knight.
Black Knight: Come on, then! (kicks Arthur again) Arthur: (on the ground) What?!? Black Knight: (kicking him again) Have at you! Arthur: (getting up) You are indeed brave, sir knight, but the fight is mine! Black Knight: Ohhh, had enough, eh? Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left! Black Knight: Yes I have! Arthur: LOOK!!! Black Knight: Just a flesh wound! (kicking Arthur again) Arthur: Look, STOP that! Black Knight: Chicken!!! Chicken!!!!!!! Arthur: Look, I'll have your leg! (The Black Knight continues his kicking) Arthur: RIGHT! (He chops off the black knight's leg with his sword) Black Knight: (hopping) Right! I'll do you for that! Arthur: You'll *WHAT*? Black Knight: Come 'ere! Arthur: (tiring of this) What're you going to do, bleed on me? Black Knight: I'm *INVINCIBLE*!!! Arthur: You're a looney.... Black Knight: The Black Knight ALWAYS TRIUMPHS! Have at you!! (hopping around, trying to kick Arthur with his one remaining leg)
Arthur shrugs his shoulders and, with a mighty swing, removes the Black Knight's last limb. The Knight falls to the ground. He looks about, realizing he can't move.
Black Knight: Okay, we'll call it a draw. Arthur: Come, Pasty! (they "ride" away)
Black Knight: (calling after them) Oh! Had enough, eh? Come back and take what's coming to you, you yellow bastards!! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!
Quote:
Goals:
1. Put God's Will First. Trust God. Focus on each day as it comes and Take Joy! from each day. 2. Live proactively as opposed to living as a reactionary to life. "As I think, so I will become in my actions." I need to plant the seeds for tomorrow. I want a tomorrow that is calm, cool and collected...Intensive application involves planning and thinking ahead. Leaving room each day for spontaneity which is a natural part of who I am. 3. Take care of my health (mental and physical). 4. Give my kids the things and time they deserve without DOING for them things they should DO for THEMSELVES. 5. Enjoy the contentment with my life that comes from working on the first four goals: travel, fun, friends, family...TAKE JOY!
Specific Sub-Goals: Create and follow a reasonable spending plan. Track my expenses daily. Earn at least $60,000 per year by December, 2015...or sooner.
I really thought maybe he was waking up. And, at the very least, this D could get easier. Just this part could be easier.
Herein lies the problem: you allowed yourself to get a little hopeful, and then, when he didn't say "Heather, I realize how wrong I was and I want you all back!" you lashed out and unloaded on him.
I'm not saying that he doesn't deserve it, but it came out of an irrational abandoned child place of yours and was a disproportionate response. As a divorce strategy, it was kinda stupid.
This negotiation is about BUSINESS at this time, stop dragging the personal into it.
Legitimate points: - the tools were bought with OUR money during the marriage and were joint property. - you had ample notice to retrieve your things - you were not contributing adequately to the household expenses and the sale was necessary to provide food for your children.
YOU don't need to make those legitimate points - your LAWYER does. Give that breakdown to the lawyer so he can make the appropriate arguments. You weren't a vengeful wife selling off hubbie's toys for pennies for revenge - you sold some abandoned joint property for necessary food money.
H's attorney will try to put a value on the tools and subtract it from any money H owes you; you counter with the value of anything H took that should have been 1/2 yours. This is just the dollars and cents negotiation stuff and you need to leave your emotions out of it. That's why you let your attorney deal with most of this. In fact, you letting H know how eager you are to be done gives him leverage - he'll feel like you're more willing to take a crappy offer just to be done.
What the heck did I miss???? OMG! I thought you were done after our texts this morning. Geesh... I didn't realize it was continuing.
Heather, I am, by far, no expert... but please don't give him what he wants. He is looking for this engagement. Don't give it to him. I vowed to not give in. Well... I initiated a little bit, but I tried hard not to bite. It makes you feel so much more powerful not to bite. Don't babe!
It is so weird that both of us are experiences some of the same things right now. The pet questions, the kindness and inquiries about life...
Ugh.. it can be exhausting to our already overwhelming lives. So... please, try not to engage. Give it time before you respond, if you have to. And when you do, make it unemotional. BECAUSE, he will make it about you.. I know you have these emotions to address. I SO get it. Don't do it when he is trying to bait you. It gives him the upper hand. You don't want that! You have worked to hard, come to far to even give him an ounce of what you've accomplished.
I understand the emotion of it, truly, I do. I hope to see you soon. We have so much to catch up on. We are in such similar positions now. And, we are embracing this early winter weather, right?! Let's go, Buffalo!!
I never heard about the micro question from last thread I asked??
I cracked under the pressure. I caved in and unloaded. It was desperation on my part to put one thing to rest. The thing that is the most senseless of it all and a grown man crying about his tools.
It wasn't the hope that he would say, "I'm sorry, I'm coming home."
It was the hope that one thing in my life would ease up and I could stop receiving discovery letters in the mail that require time and energy for me to fill out.
It was the anger and frustration that we are both spending all this money on a divorce when it could just easily be ended now with the same financial result for both sides.
It was anger that I had to pay another $1000 and I was at Walmart with our kids. D12 was asking for things for Christmas. Let alone our bills. Finally, had to call about heat.
It was the pressure that I have to put out another newspaper and, with each one, so far, there has been some miserable surprise waiting at the end of all the hard work.
It was my mother calling me after she had obviously been crying again.
It was the family that's all angry with me and judging me and requires another truck load of energy to deal with.
It was D20 who is planning to go back to school next semester. Which is actually the least of my worries.
He caught me at a weak moment
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather. DO NOT RESPOND TO ANY MORE TEXTS FROM YOUR H! I knew he was up to something when he started become the chatty cathy of the world. They are very seldom nice w/o some unlying reason for that behavior.
Now, I want you to go back and re-read what kml told you. This is a business deal gone bad and you need to put your business hat on and leave the personal stuff at the door. The emotions have to stay out of it and you need to be as clear and concise on the paperwork. Yes, it's a lot of paperwork, but it's some that has to be done w/every divorce and no, it's not the MO of his attorney. I had to do them and my xh should have, but he didn't. It's called discovery for a reason, i.e., to find out what your expenses, assets, debts, etc. are in order to lay the ground work for the divorce.
As for your h, he's hung up on tools and he'll be that way for a very long time. Yes, he had ample time to come get them, but that's history now. Sit down, write up everything that you've had to pay for that he should have provided for. You need to understand that this isn't just about his tools, he's passively angry that you and the girls left and left him w/a house that required cleaning and repairs. Don't be surprised if he doesn't come after you for some of the major repair work on the house. People in crisis don't look at things the way we do. They don't look for fairness and trust me, it's all about money and what they feel they are entitled to. As for the tools, heck he could have bought a whole new set of tools with the money he spent over the last couple of years. Didn't he also take out a large sum of money from his retirement and spend it? If he did, put that down as that could have been viewed as partially yours in the divorce settlement.
Please, please, no more texting w/him. Leave them alone. Do you still have my number? Call me if you need to talk.
Again, please listen to what we are telling you. We are trying to help you get through this and no matter what you think, he's not being nice because he's waking up. He's far from it and right now, he's very toxic and out for blood because in his mind, you took away everything he valued. Yep, he's not to be trusted.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
One last thing, do not share any more info about what you are doing w/your life, especially your career. Do not provide him w/the names of the papers, etc. Also, do not share w/him any extracurricular activities that you are hoping to get D12 into or what your D20 is doing. Why? Because he's going to use that info against you and state that you have this fantastic job that pays extremely well and will want to lower child support and any other monies he owes you.
I know you want to share w/him because of your long history together, but you can't, at least not right now. I know you want to show him that you've survived and are doing well, but this is not the time to share. You have to face the fact that he's jealous of what you are doing w/your life and he's not happy right now because he was left with what I call "responsibilities" that he needs to finally take care of.
He is not your friend. He is out to get what he can and he will do whatever it takes to do it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job & Ellie are spot on. Don't engage with nuttiness. It's not a smart business decision.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
From my own experience and many thousands of dollars wasted, the best thing you can do is minimize you your costs in the divorce. How I would handle this is to tell your lawyer upfront that you have minimal money and no way to get more. Instruct him that you want him to minimize his time as much as possible. That you will not pay for things that you do not authorize. I would minimize contact with H as much as possible. He will grab onto everything right now.
Are you in the discovery phase of the divorce? If not then I would ask your lawyer if you have to even respond till a proposed divorce agreement has been presented. If you filed for the divorce, then get going drafting a divorce agreement with your lawyer. If her filed, then sit back and do nothing till his lawyer forwards one to your lawyer. It is the responsibility of the person who filed to craft it unless you both can work together.
Is his attorney sending things to you directly? If he is then inform your attorney and ask him to inform H's lawyer to not contact you directly.
Do this to separate yourself from his madness. Let him incur as much expense on himself as he wants. Don't let him drive up your bill.
Come here and ask questions as you go along. I am sure there are plenty of us who have paid dearly for this experience.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Heather, As Lifes Twists pointed out, you want to advise your lawyer that you want him to minimize his time as much as possible as you don't have funds to continue this back and forth for another six months. He needs to understand that you are the client/boss here and only you can authorize additional work when necessary.
There are plenty of us who have gone before you in the divorce arena who can provide advice and hopefully try to help you save some money. It's not easy, but you've got to separate your emotions from the business deal at hand.
As for items that your h has identified, well, that's on him. He should have removed them when he first left, or at least removed them once he was settled in his new place. He's had ample time to come and get them. This is a moot point as you have mentioned them to him several times and he didn't make a move to come get them. Once this is addressed (again) w/your lawyer, it should not be brought up again and I would advise him of this. It's like my xh constantly talking about missing mail when he had 5 mailing addresses. I nipped it in the bud and advised the lawyers that he should put in a change of address and that I wasn't going to address the issue again. You have to take this bull by the horns and nip this tool and other property situation in the bud. If you don't, it will continue on and on. It's the only things he has to keep niggling at you with and it's adding up $$$ wise.
I do hope you are feeling better today. I know it seems like the world is tumbling down, but it's not. We are here for you.
