I'm glad you made it through as that could not have been fun. Hopefully you can relax a bit and enjoy the holidays with the kids.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Mom is hanging in there. Memory is still quite poor and she struggle for the right words to use. But the nurses and therapists say they see some slow improvement which is good. It's hard for me to fully gauge as I visit in the evening when she's tired out and not as sharp.
I'm trying to take care of myself. I made myself go to boot camp today even though I felt tired after the IRS hearing. I'm glad I did. I continue to try and sleep and eat well. My IC reminds me weekly to keep the focus on self care. Im feeling emotionally " down" right now but it's not overwhelming and I feel like it will pass soon. I've got some fun activities planned this week so hoping for some relaxation!
Last edited by daring; 12/16/1402:16 AM.
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Interesting thing happened a couple evenings ago after tax hearing. I was looking through my accounts to see how much was in there and what was left to be paid. I see a ton of PayPal withdrawals that added up to a little over $1000. I called H to check on it b/c I don't have a Paypal, only him and the kids. He looked and it turns out it was his travel tickets for upcoming interview and consulting trip. First he said it will be reimbursed. I said you need to tell me when you do these things I'm keeping a tight budget with IRS payback in front of us. He said you're right, I didn't realize my paypal wasinked to that account I'll change it. I said thank you. He asked if I felt better after IRS hearing and I said a little but still have to come up with a chit ton of money every month. He said I know I will help. Then he asked about my mom. After filling him in I ended the call.
He started traveling yesterday and I haven't spoken with him. But last night and this morning I'm in a weird place. One I have somewhat been in before but much more definitive. Maybe I am hitting a better phase of detachment, I don't know. I certainly have had incredibly emotional months recently.
So to elaborate- I felt this morning that I really need to get this crap with H over and done with. I imagine saying to him that I don't want a D, I don't agree with a D, but if he's having papers drawn up that's what he wants at the moment and if so lets get it done and move on. I'm not thinking I wouldn't consider an R in the future with him, but I just feel like between the IRS stuff, and my moms situation ( probably long term skilled nursing facility), I feel like this D is hanging over my head. And we haven't separated our accounts or bills or anything else yet. He rarely does something like he did with the PayPal thing so I haven't been in a rush to do it. But I just feel like Im being dragged down by this looming process.
I won't say or do anything yet- I'll sit with it a but first. I can always start working on transferring some bills and automatic payments into another account.
GAL tonight- office Christmas party- hope it will help my mood!!!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Won't you be in a better position if you wait to do the divorce until he has a job? Would hate to see you stuck with paying him alimony on top of everything else.
kml I hear you on that! This far he is not asking for alimony. He had said all along that he doesn't want it and the plan is to have his lawyer draw up the papers based on the terms we decide on. Of course that could change at some point but I don't think he will go after it. He feels guilty and seems to want to prove he can make it without me. ( I think is job issues are big contributor to the MLC).
I haven't seen the papers yet so will see what it looks like....
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Soooo- apparently I am about to get into an epic D battle. H sent me papers via email last night. He did request spousal support and said it was a result of " division of assets". It also has in there that we can't have alcohol when we have the kids ( me since he doesnt and has an issue when I do). I lost my chit. I texted him that I'm sorry that he has an issue with alcohol and the kids seeing it and that his BJs, emotional affairs and financial irresponsibility are conveniently hidden from the kids. He texted me back saying he wasn't trying to destroy me ( I mentioned that about the money he put on there for me to pay him plus the IRS chit) and that we will work it all out. We will see- I told him if he goes down the road he has thus far- which is about the furthest from the " collaborative D" he said he wanted- than this is going to get ugly and expensive b/c I will fight him.
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
daring, I'm very sorry to hear this. Divorce from crisis people is never easy and it can be down right ugly. I'm not surprised he came back and wanted spousal support. Why should you be paying all of the IRS bs as well? Can I assume he was in the middle of that mess too? Then he's responsible for half of that if his name was on the tax papers.
I hope that you have a good lawyer who will fight for you and your kids because this man has been talking to someone and they've filled his head with sugar plums full of bs.
daring, divorce is ugly and you can't be friends w/them when you are discussing assets and division of property. Unfortunately, he is now the enemy and you will need to stand your ground and get tough. Get angry, let it out and keep your business hat on.
Good luck! Again, I am sorry to hear that he's going down this road.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
As they say don't believe anything you hear in regards to MLCer.
Clearly he has a Lawyer who is advising him to go this route. It is amazing how easy a Lawyer can direct a MLCer to do just as your H is doing. They seem to need to be lead by anyone but you.
I would not email him anymore in regards to the divorce. I hope you have a lawyer and that he/she filed a counter claim with the court. If not, then do so now. Then I would have them file for temporary orders for child support, spousal support, etc. Go for broke. These need to be strong and in his face at this point to push him back on his a** and make him realize either work this out the reasonable way or the hard way. You have the upper hand if you respond immediately with a hard response. With 3 children at home you will have a commanding edge in this and his lawyer will line his pockets with your H's money while H looses.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Job- thanks for the support. My business hat is most definitely on- I did push back hard on the financial pieces. As far as the IRS- he is responsible for half ( he created the d@mn mess!) but unfortunately if he can't pay it I'm still responsible for it. The D doesn't erase half of the debt for me. I don't want to risk defaulting on the payback so I'm making sure that I have it set aside. I consulted a lawyer early on in this process but she was more for collaborative approaches. I'm going to retain a more aggressive one at this point.
LT- you are so right about these lawyers " leading" the MLCer. And since his empathy chip is currently broken he can't see the impact. This is actually a draft that he was supposed to review and send back with his changes but he shared it with me for us to review.
He is backing up a bit now- he sent an email apologizing and the plan is to sit down this weekend and go through it and make changes. I'm on guard though- as you said Job he is now the enemy and I am definitely angry. He can't afford to fight this out in court but I will not hesitate to go there if necessary.
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Job- thanks for the support. My business hat is most definitely on- I did push back hard on the financial pieces. As far as the IRS- he is responsible for half ( he created the d@mn mess!) but unfortunately if he can't pay it I'm still responsible for it. The D doesn't erase half of the debt for me. I don't want to risk defaulting on the payback so I'm making sure that I have it set aside. I consulted a lawyer early on in this process but she was more for collaborative approaches. I'm going to retain a more aggressive one at this point.
LT- you are so right about these lawyers " leading" the MLCer. And since his empathy chip is currently broken he can't see the impact. This is actually a draft that he was supposed to review and send back with his changes but he shared it with me for us to review.
He is backing up a bit now- he sent an email apologizing and the plan is to sit down this weekend and go through it and make changes. I'm on guard though- as you said Job he is now the enemy and I am definitely angry. He can't afford to fight this out in court but I will not hesitate to go there if necessary.
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
