I reviewed the texts messages and they are interesting. Your wife went from 0 to 100 pretty quick. What is also interesting is her behavior the next day—she texted an apology and then called. This indicates a recognition that she may have stepped over the line.
This may surprise you but her behavior is unusual.
Most people on this web site will tell you they do not receive this level of an apology after an abusive exchange. At most they may receive a text. But your wife’s actions (a text followed by a phone call) indicate she may be genuinely concerned her behavior could have an impact on your relationship.
Do not jump to the conclusion she wants to reconcile. But recognize her behavior doesn’t indicate she is pushing away.
The escalating nature of her texts indicate she may have been having a tantrum.
Remember that I told you to check for randomness and before you replied to step back and analyze. I said “If the text isn't about you don't make it about it about you.”
Did you notice any randomness?
How did the conversation begin with Amazon and 3 messages later...with no input from you...suddenly become about where the girls are going to live and who is paying child support when you are divorced?
Jefe…no one has filed for a divorce.
Why did you take the bait? She lured you into a false discussion with a false reality.
Again—no one has filed for divorce. There is no custody. There is no child support. Therefore the appropriate response should have been:
Jefe: Hey…Are you okay?
You should have shut the discussion down and changed the subject. If she kept bringing up divorce and child custody then you should have kept redirecting it back to her until she told you why she was discussing this topic.
You should not have been having this discussion until you knew why you were having this discussion. And the only person who could tell you why you were having the discussion was your wife.
Serious as a coronary at the divorce lawyer's office...
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
I don't know why I took the bait. I certainly did, though didn't I? The first four text messages after the Amazon one were practically on top of each other in rapid fire. It catches me every single time. I need to break this pattern. The "Is everything okay?" would have been great.
Yes, I texted him (sponsor) the minute the spew started and he always says the same thing, LOL. "Pull the plug, shut it down. If she's negative, don't answer. You are not obligated to listen to garbage."
I gotta tell you, ANY form of apology from my wife is unheard of. I was telling my sponsor right after this went on that I would not expect any form of apology from her for any reason. Then she surprised me with that one. He wanted me to ignore, I said not a good idea with her when she is attempting to offer an olive branch. I was completely blown away.
She has been all over the map today. I could sense she wanted to blow her top this morning but restrained. Later in the day when she called me from the cel store, I got a little stern with her. She was about to make a few monetarily poor decisions. She reacted the opposite of how I expected. She said, "You're right. I'll wait for you to decide and we'll do it together." This totally caught me off guard.
I'm in no mental state to attempt to read this situation, and even if I was I would still see it through my lens. That's why I have you guys. And thank God I do. And Hope, you've been pretty dang accurate about a ton of stuff which blows me away considering you only have one very blurry side of the picture.
She left here on a neutral to positive note, tonight. So I'm going to leave it at that.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
So as I sit here in the waiting room of the counseling center I watch the people coming in and wonder. Is this woman going through what Rppfl is? What kind of pain is hiding behind her smile? How about this guy over here, is it possible this is Shakspr or is he going through a similar struggle, or worse? I see people so differently these days. What are our private struggles that each if us is fighting with.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Empathy... it sure kicks in when we go through this.
Shows you a whole other side of things, doesn't it?
This is a good thing, especially for a guy.
Sometimes being cut to the bone leaves us more..."open"... in a sense. That wounding doesn't completely heal and there is an increased sensitivity.
I hope the counseling is helpful for you.
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Helpful? IDK. First meeting and all. We'll see. I'm sure it will be after this poor guy catches up with the situation. Every week for now till he screams mercy or I go completely broke.
Thanks GG, I appreciate your support here recently.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Keep in mind you don't have to stay with a counselor if you don't click. This is a very important relationship and you should find a counselor that makes you feel heard, validated and safe.
He was a tad soft spoken and passive for my tastes. But it's the first day. I'll try another session or 2 and we'll see how it goes.
He said he thinks he can help, but I did not get a sense of standing for the marriage. He talked about the drama triangle a bit, and so on.
I actually "feel" worse now than yesterday. But it's all in my head. I just feel like I'm drowning. Thank God I have Celebrate Recovery and Worship tonight. (I'm playing) It'll be good.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
