THIS is where the MAGIC happens.

[BrightFuture]

Shining, great post about Letting go. I needed it today. Thanks!

[123Gwen]

Yes Shining, great post. I want to get to the point where I can let go and move on. Something to aim for as we get used to this new situation.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend,

[uRworthy]

Shining, what incredible kids you have. Im not surprised..look at their mom.

I hope you know what a gift it is for you to be able to say you hwould do it all the same.

So, my friend, I thought that I would let the holiday pass before I started to remind you about you wanting to get yourself a plan...yea, I know, darn UR, doesnt forget a thing. LOL!

S, I always tell you that you dont have to decide anything today. I know that you are missing being married a lot and missing all that goes with that. It's hard.

I tried not to get too far ahead of myself. Not that I didnt wonder about the future from time to time, because I did. But, I worked at not worrying about when or if I was not going to stand or when I was going to date if I stopped.

I just tried to live each day and do the work. I kind of let it all unfold the way it was meant to. I found that when I started to worry about it all, it set me back some.

You have a lot of stuff coming up. Your boy coming home, your other son leaving, the first holidays apart from your h.

Im thinking you dont need to think too far passed all that for now, ya know?

I hope your Thanksgiving was a good one.

I wanted to tell you that I am so thankful to be able to call you friend.

[daring]

Shining wow- what amazing kids you have! And as UR says- of course- look at their mom.
Sounds like you did great handling H. I find that when they are acting like a$&hats it sometimes makes it easier to detach.

By the way- I did not realize you lived in the lone star state! I somehow missed that and saw it on Mighty's thread.
So....... Me too. Maybe we can get together sometime- though I'm not sure how we contact each other if we can't put our email on here???

[Shining]

Bright, and Gwen, I agree! I need that "letting go" reminder everyday.

I am learning to put less pressure on myself to "get there". I'm learning that letting go, detaching, and obviously grieving, are all processes. They are not necessarily going to ever become completed, as a task would. They simply evolve over time, in layers.

I've noticed that when I consciously try to accept where I am today, even the emotional stuff, it tends to bring me some feeling of peace. It's as if I have permission from myself. And I forgive myself for not being where I want to be yet. It's a much kinder way to talk to me.

Some hot little bat-swinging, Brooklyn ball of wisdom taught me that....because APPARENTLY I wasn't so gentle with myself, especially in the beginning.

uR, I agree about my kids. I have been saying, that if during my lifetime, I get only one thing right in this world....I look at the way my kids are turning out. I got the most important one right.

I do want to make a plan for the holidays. Thanksgiving was a dry-run kind of scary reminder that I am headed for some painful days if I have no plans in place. I've been tossing ideas around in my head.... And now my head hurts.

I currently have exactly zero great ideas of things to do for myself on the 24th and 25th. And hey....It's up from the negative number it once was.

I know uR, you see me often getting ahead of myself. I am trying not to and wow is it a challenge! I'm noticing how easily I fall into that habit. And then there are times I don't notice....at least not until I trip on it later.

With my sitch, I naturally imagine different outcomes, and I'm trying to be open to whatever my life brings me. I can be completely full of hot air when I lie to myself and even entertain the idea a future with someone else. Who am I even kidding? I know it isn't in my near future. It's not where my heart is. I can fool myself for, oh..... 5 minutes or so. Long enough to post the stories I tell myself, and not be able to edit them out after I return to my senses.

I sometimes have to "try it on", sort of... See how my conscience responds. Yeah, no. That was easy. Or.....not easy. Idk. It just is.

I still love my H. I miss that man. I don't know if he will ever be that guy again. I can't control it either way. I never have to stop loving him.

There is a part of me that often smiles....just knowing he is still alive. Because last February, he may not have been. But he is. And because of this, I know there is still hope.

And this may seem weird to some, that I recently find myself smiling, knowing he is on his own journey.

And regardless of me, it is a rather beautiful thing to watch.

I'm sure that sounds strange. I see him. I see his heart trying to get where he wants to be. His way is not my way. And it doesn't have to be.

I can love him for exactly who he is. That doesn't have to pertain to our M. I love him for being a man who gave me and my kids everything he had, until he simply could not.

Idk if that even makes sense to anyone because as I go back and read this, I'm not sure why it even makes sense to me.

More shout-outs:

Thank you, daring! You and uR gave me the biggest compliment about being my kids' mom.

Yep, I'm here in the land of Chuck Norris . And....Barney, as it turns out...heeeheee.

I haven't shared my location much here...I didn't know how the privacy thing worked, and I wanted to have the confidence that no one close to me is reading.

Now I care a lot less what people know. I am who I am. What happened, happened. Eh. If someone wants to know badly enough, what is going on in my life, that says a lot about them!! Sadly.

I'm in north suburbs of big D. Where are you? I'd love to get together!!

Sharing personal info on the boards is frowned upon, from what I have read. Meeting can still be done, though:).


Time to play some tunes, dance around my apartment like a weirdo, and (sniff sniff....ew). Wash my dog.

[uRworthy]

My friend, I love the way you write. I love what you have to say. What a generous heart you have to feel as you do about your h.

As much as my xh has done to me, I still wish happiness for him. When I see him and I look at his face, I still see sadness and discontent. I wish so much that he finds peace. Everyone deserves that. I understand completely how you feel about your h.

I so wish you lived closer so we could hang on the 24th and the 25th. My sister comes to my house on Christmas eve and my son is with us. He goes to see his dad on the Christmas day. I could go back with my sister and sleep over. But as her kids are young, I think its important that they spend the day together...just them.

So, I will probably be by myself on Christmas day. I was last year. I woke up late and took a hot bath. I rented a movie and made a special meal. I volunteered at a soup kitchen. It was actually pretty peaceful and nice.

I know its hard for you right now...I so wish it wasnt.

[123Gwen]

Shining, your post is beautiful. I totally understand your love for your H. I also still love the man I married. In fact, all of this has made me realize that my love for him is much deeper and profound than I imagined. And UR I also understand your wish for peace for your H. It is sad to think all of this destruction in their quest only to think they never achieve that peace in their lives.

It is hard for people to understand who haven't dealt with this extreme behavior. Society just wants everyone to move on and be happy on your own. It just doesn't work that way.

[Shining]

How do I know I've been reading faaarrrrrrrrrrr to many of these wonderfully insightful and heartbreaking threads?




Because I just now finished my prayers....... to God.... Yes, GOD, with:

"Hang in there. You're doing great."





I'm certain God feels much better now.







Wow...yeah. Go to bed, Shining. Time to be still.....Goodnight, all!

[Ss06]

I'm sure he feels very supported and encouraged.

You're there for everyone. Even a God.

Keep it up!

[daring]

Shining too funny! Nice of you to help out God and all

I know how you feel about not wanting people to know. That shame hits hard in the beginning. But the more I begin to love myself and realize this is not my doing I'm like you- says more about others who are stalking us than anyone else!

I'm just north of Austin- meeting up could definitely be accomplished over a weekend! between the two cities there's plenty to do!

I'm beginning to feel more compassion for my H as well. The anger and crazies are less often. Hopefully that means our journey is progressing.