Shining. My girl! First, the Dave Grohl scenario... I dig it.
Quote:
A part of me still blames me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down, tiger. I get it, I really do. But, I think if I said that, you'd punch me in the face if you could reach me.
Let me be a little more graceful. You know, tact is my middle name (Or is it attack... nope... that's not it.) OK, so to find some grace and tact, I have to look elsewhere.
OK, so.... drumroll..... my fried, AJ says...
Quote:
At some point, you'll absorb the fact that it's not your doing. You could have been "perfect" (and probably were/are) for him. I'm not saying you are perfect - nobody is - but for him, likely. You didn't cause this. You can make it worse by pursuing, blaming, etc. But you can't make it worse by doing what you need to do for YOU. And for your kids. That's on him, you are just reacting to enforce your boundaries. What he does with that is his to deal with.
Case in point, Shining. XH said straight up tonight, that I didn't do anything. He does not even know why this happened. He was pretty confused, but is fully aware that it wasn't me. And I can assure you, that it ain't because of my pores either! See what I'm saying, dear.
Dems be blowin in da wind. No direction nor clue. Looking for the next thing they think will make them feel better.
You're my girl, Shining. I wouldn't lie to ya. It is his major loss... you are truly amazing. Irreplaceable.
Oh my I needed that laugh- thread fight- love it!! I probably look very weird laughing out loud while I'm by myself at a table for lunch- but whatever!! I decided to take a "me day" and I'm enjoying it!
So Shining- that whole still blaming ourselves- I get it. But I've also figured out why. Many of us are fixers, and I remember reading on your thread somewhere that everything you wanted previously- you MADE it happen! I am that person too- I don't fail. Probably a result of unhealthy perfectionistic tendencies that I think will protect me from being disapproved of or abandoned, but hey, what perfectionist isn't messed up??? It s¥ck$ donkey balls but we can't perfect our way through fixing them and we couldn't perfect our way from preventing this either. I love AJs quote above.
Don't be so hard on yourself! ( said to myself too as I need daily reminders).
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
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