Jefe ... I follow your sitch ... and what Hope just pointed out registers with me. Just an observation I made with my W, she would pick a fight the day prior to going out with OM, its like she needed this to justify her going out. Not sure if your W does the same .... but I can not imagine my W is the only one who does this .. especially when they are all over the place .. confused with the 180's and GAL we have done .. I mean how dare we do these things when they are doing their thing .. lol
Just maybe think about WHY she is spewing, if it has teeth or not .. I have adopted some new goals .. and no arguing is the latest .. I just realized it has done nothing but create more distance .. and its not what I want so I just listen, tell her I hear her, and leave it at that .. no return fire. Hard for them to keep punching you when you just take em, they tire eventually.
Hang in there ... keep that GAL alive man.
Yes, I have come to notice the spewing comes after "they" have hung out. I still have no clue if anything is going on other than courting on her part.
Originally Posted By: Shakspr
Praying for you now, jefe. Be a man. When you do respond, do so firmly and with love. Set a healthy boundary. You are a child of God.
Hope is right - we are here for you.
Thank you guys. I wasn't prepared for the direction that string of texts was headed.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Hi Jefe. I hope you have a better day today....remember...breathe....
I think your sponsor was right about shutting down the text convo. It just gets unproductive and damaging. Next time that happens, you may want to close it down much earlier - maybe saying something like - we can discuss this on Thursday (or whenever) when we meet.
You may want to think about going dimmer on this one maybe.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I went through a period almost identical to this one with my XW. I was an @$$ - knew it because she told me so frequently. I was miserable and making her miserable. This divorce was all about MY failings.
It's all a smoke screen. She is making decisions that she thinks are best. So are you - and anything you do that runs counter to her view of how the future will go will be attacked. She is texting from a place of raw emotion, without empathy, consideration for you, or logic. Ultimately, refraining from rising to her level of hate is something for which you WILL be thankful.
In a way, I am jealous, while admiring you (although your situation does seem a bit different.) I let my wife take the kids because I was getting a good deal - and plenty of time with them. And because farking lawyers have already got enough of my money in this life. But my children no longer "live here." It's a hard pill to swallow at times.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
"It's all a smoke screen. She is making decisions that she thinks are best. So are you - and anything you do that runs counter to her view of how the future will go will be attacked. She is texting from a place of raw emotion, without empathy, consideration for you, or logic. Ultimately, refraining from rising to her level of hate is something for which you WILL be thankful."
I hope I did not rise to her level in that conversation. I intend on just being steady and stand. I'm sorry if that angers her.
She sent another text that said: "You busy or not want to answer?"
I waited 5 minutes then replied: "Thank you for the apology, a little busy at the moment."
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
She took it upon herself to go to the school today and eat lunch with the girls. They are both home with me running a fever. So she starts spewing about me not telling her that they are sick. Considering what we just went through last night, I was planning on waiting a bit before talking to her today.
I'm doing the freaking best that I can.
More text spew. A little lighter, but lashing none the less.
You know, this is what a divided home looks like. I expect more of this if we stay separated or get the big D.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
She probably felt pretty embarrassed, turning up at the school - as the parent who doesn't know what's going on. Add in her general guilt about the situation, and I can understand her spewing.
However, her text behaviour yesterday has implications - one of which was that you held off updating her this morning.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Why would you EVER withhold information about the children's health? If it's a runny nose or slight cough that is one thing but enough to keep them home from school and she needs to be informed. DB techniques should NEVER be used as "punishment" or a weapon. Be very careful. I would be angry if my ex didn't send the boys to school and didn't tell me. And your comment about "this is what a divided home looks like" is WAY out of line. Just remember divorced parents CAN AND DO communicate about the kids in a respectful and timely manner. You may not get to decide if your children live with divorced parents but you DO get to decide if you contribute to a "divided" home by not sharing information.
Originally Posted By: Jefe
And it just keeps getting worse.
She took it upon herself to go to the school today and eat lunch with the girls. They are both home with me running a fever. So she starts spewing about me not telling her that they are sick. Considering what we just went through last night, I was planning on waiting a bit before talking to her today.
I'm doing the freaking best that I can.
More text spew. A little lighter, but lashing none the less.
You know, this is what a divided home looks like. I expect more of this if we stay separated or get the big D.
Last edited by twinmom; 11/18/1405:25 PM.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Twin, the comment about a divided home was me venting here. Not something I said. My point was is that this was a miscommunication all the way around and this is what happens when you now have two homes we are trying to operate from. I apologized for my part in it promptly:
"I am not withholding information. I just haven't talked to you yet. This is just a breakdown in communication. I apologize for your extreme inconvenience and my slow notification. It was never my intent to withhold."
Now given what the conversation was last night I was a little hesitant to contact her right away. A mistake on my part, probably.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
