Ellie, there is some definite depression. He has been in counseling & taking ad. I have given him countless resources & he has several good men who reach out to him. I am finding that there is a lot more pot being smoked than I thought. He is now a big advocate for legalizing. He just sounds silly. But he is so incredibly angry, it's disheartening.
Thanks brook... I know I was able to let go of my childhood anger. But what I have learned this year- I just wish I could put into his brain. He just doesn't want to hear it most of the time.
Heather, I do see a lot of similarities with our kids. That's what in doing now... Standing firm. Even though he says I'm being a b. seriously... I'm not standing for that. He is going to learn things the hard way.
We will see what happens tonight... He has a plan in his head. I told him the boundaries. I have to leave later for my nieces confirmation practice, which he doesn't know yet. Poor d13. She just watches this garbage. I know it bothers her.
It [censored], it's a HUGE pain the A$$, but if he knows you will check at a reputable testing facility...he will tow the line.
I sent D20 to jail for two nights. The probation department was the best co-parent I've ever had.
Look around for a strong male who can back you up on the drug testing. Surprise him after school with a pi$$ test. If you can, consider having a strong uncle or someone to pick him up. He will fight you, but not so much someone else. Not sure you can have the sheriff's department help with that or not? Might be worth checking.
I know this all sounds scary and awful...but, this boy has had the sh!t kiccked outta him with his dad's actions. He deeply needs a dad/or someone to replace that strong adult male he lost.
Make a list of rules. Short list.
No weed. No disrespect to you or sister. No walking on eggshells by you or baby sister.
Any violation means he can't live there with you.
That reminds me, I need to come up with a list for D20. She has side-tracked me with all her paying for her Jeep and shid. She still needs to attend A.A.
I need to write my list down again for her. Put it on the fridge.
Ya know, D20 may not be such a bad person to talk to S17?? Hmmm...Think about it. She is an awesome kid and so helpful when it comes to talking to other kids in similar situations. She is trying hard to get back on track. Just know she is around.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
And now he's gone. He left. He told me earlier he was leaving. I told him he can't. He left anyway. He said that he wasn't going to come back. I told him this wasn't a rotating door. He cleaned his room then walked out.
If he leaves, I lose support & we lose the house.
I question what is wrong with me. My dad left, my husband left, now my son.
Mighty, I'm so sorry your S is behaving that way. My heart aches for you.
I can't say whether you're there yet... But there does come a point where you know you've done all you can do. You love your S very much, and he knows that. His anger toward you is hurtful. But he will be ok. He's figuring things out, too. There may be some big consequences down the road, for his choices now, depending on how far he takes it. His future may not be what was originally planned. Same with yours. But that doesn't mean it's any better or worse.
The support and house stuff is scary... I feel you there. We are somewhat paralyzed by fear because we still depend on our x for our daily expenses. I know it wouldn't be ideal, but if that changed, you would still be ok. I know you would.
There is a whole big picture out there we can't see. By living with your own true values and going back to those when this stuff happens, you are doing exactly what you are supposed to do.
You always seem to be true to who you are. I admire that about you. Stay on that path. He will figure out his. He is a good kid. He is smart. He knows the dangers of his choices. You have put counseling and mentors in front of him. You have set boundaries and consequences.
Love him. Continue to guide him, while being his rock. It's clear he still feels he can talk to you, even if he's angry. That's huge.
You have done and continue to do all you can. Now have faith, and breathe.
In my eyes, you're superhuman. Love and hugs, Might.
Consider, too, the possibility that his antidepressants may be making him worse instead of better. They have their place, but it's also true that they can actually increase suicide risk in teens. My daughter was on high dose prozac for an eating disorder at 13. It helped, but if she missed just one or two doses, she got completely WHACK. The psych kept insisting that the half life was too long for that to be a problem, but it was unmistakable and reproducible.
Where did he go? To a friend's, or to H's? He may just need a couple of days to cool off.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
When he left, d13 saw him go to bil next door. Prob to get a ride. Randomly, a friend texted me about a couple hrs ago & said she saw him w his gf getting gas. Right then, he sent me a txt, "I'm sorry mom." I said, "pls come home" he didn't respond nor come home. I'm gone now. Taking n16 to confirmation rehearsal.
