All I can say is WOW! Let start off by saying that the wife has been trying to call me non stop from yesterday afternoon. I finally took her call this morning.
She cut ties with OM. She wants to do what's right. I'm so flooded with emotion right now it's unreal. She wants what's best for the kids and every thing. Now this fixes nothing between us. But she even told the kids there relationship with him is over. She wants to be happy and it's not there with him. She said she doesn't want to jump back with me either. She wants to figure out her happiness. She was calling yesterday to do some thing with me. There is a lot more but I can't put it into words right now.
How do I proceed??????
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
I not sure. But hope to be in your position one day. I think you try to keep things slow. Maybe a few dates etc. I really don't think you should move back in together right away. And try to keep kids out of it for now as well just in case and i'm guessing there will be a set back from what I have read. Good luck to you.
M:35 W 31 D's:6, 4 & 2 T:9 M:7 ILYBNILWY- Mar/14 DP Served Dec.17/14
I'm not sure either, but just like most things on here. Take a step back, breath, collect yourself. Remember, if its for real; its not a fleeting opportunity that you need to do everything perfectly. She will continue to try and work on her changes.
I'd be careful that this is just an emotional reaction to losing OM. However, it is good news. I would seek advice on here if a MC would be a good idea...Not for the R, but to make sure that things start to go smoothly with the kids. I'm not sure.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
That's very good news! Let's celebrate the baby steps and this one's a big baby's. Getting the OM out of the picture is the first condition to a reconciliation (lucky you!). You're switching to a different phase. Nothing is won, and she still says she won't reconcile with you. Proceed cautiously, don't look needy, be available but not too much, etc. Have a look at DR again, you'll get instant advice.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
That's good! It is a start in the right direction. As you said, ending the A is not an auto fix to the M issues.
Your emotions are high, with good reason. However, stay cool and calm. You need to continue to wait for her to initiate contact with you. Also, maybe show a little more warmth in your voice and be a little more friendly in your conversations/responses. Just do not overkill. If you aren't very careful, your excitement over the A ending will cause you to push for more way too quickly.......and it will be like pouring ice water on her.
She has not given you the green light on anything yet, right? So be careful that your actions do not indicate that you assume she will want to come back. You saw for yourself that she "will" pursue you. My advice is to let her continue to pursue a little longer. She doesn't need to feel smothered, and I am concerned that's exactly what you would do.
She did not tell the kids she was coming back home, or wanted to work things out with you. It bothers me that she's still looking for her happiness. Apparently, she still doesn't believe it is her H and kids.
The next several weeks will be tough for her, if she really stops contact with OM......and did she say she would, or that she just ended it? The cravings will kick in and she will want to make contact again. But since she has not committed to you or the M, you can't start telling her what she needs to do b/c it make you look like a controlling jerk.......when she didn't ask for advice or support. In fact, her freedom is still important to her.
So go about your business and keep GAL. Let her continue to pursue you. You will need to hear a lot more from her, but this is a great start. Did she really say she wanted to do the right thing, or we're you using my words.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
