frankly my darling...

[MrBond]

"I don't want to have a book on D sitting around for my teenage daughter to see, which is why I don't keep it in the house."

Not sure what this has to do with you not getting the book for yourself. In fact, it could be a plus to show her what makes a good relationship. Sometimes I shared a few things I read with my kids when we were going through our troubles so they could understand what the right thing to do was.

It also allows you to write notes in the book that refer to your specific situation.

Just saying.

[raliced]

Hey Ahoy - How's it going? Everything OK?

[Ahoy]

Hi raliced -- thanks for checking in. I've been trying to focus on other things for a while -- I tend to get sucked into the boards, and needed a break. (i still read your thread though and keep tabs on your situation)

I've been doing better, moving on with my life. A friend (who works with H) wrote to me today to say that my H copied her on an email to boss asking if he could include me in a dinner event for work. What is up with that? He just got himself a new bed and visited his girlfriend, so I can only think that he is wanting to invite me as a social lubricant (because I'm good at those things) or to show his work associates (many of whom are my friends) that things between us are amicable. Either way, it only serves his needs as usual.

I plan to decline. I'm trying to decide whether to just decline, or to say "I don't feel that it's appropriate to attend a work dinner as your wife when you are seeing someone else." Would welcome advice.

When I first heard that he was thinking of inviting me, I was upset because at this point I just wish he would leave me alone if he doesn't want to have a future relationship with me. I want him to stop yanking my chain. So I have to stop allowing him to yank my chain.

Of course, before I came to this logical conclusion, I ran out and bought a hot dress to wear to blow his socks off at the dinner with my new bod, charm, social graces, etc. Then I realized that I don't want to audition for my marriage, and remembered that he has a girlfriend. No thanks.

[Ahoy]

But at least I have a new hot dress!

[raliced]

I plan to decline. I'm trying to decide whether to just decline, or to say "I don't feel that it's appropriate to attend a work dinner as your wife when you are seeing someone else." Would welcome advice.

I would totally go with #2 - but I seem to be a little more of a harda** than others here. I would probably just add "Thank you for the invitation"

You need to find another opportunity to wear that dress though!

[SunnyB]

Definitely need to rock the dress somewhere else! You go girl!

[T384]

I know this mindset is controversial on here but I remember Train giving me advice along the lines of H I will not live in a open M. While I didn't say this because I had already been served with D papers and H still wouldn't tell me he was dating someone I did go a different route. H showed up in a car and acted like it was from his shop. I knew it was a lie. I just calmly said as he was spewing his story.. Please don't insult my intelligence. We both know that's not the truth and definitely not a car a 'man' would drive and maybe one day you can be honest with yourself enough to figure out what truth you are living. And got in my car asked the boys to say bye and left.

Not that this is tailored to your situation but I guess you have to figure out where you stand. This is all hypothetically speaking if he does ask you but ...

What purpose would you attending serve for you?

I personally don't know if there is a right or wrong answer. If you are adamantly not okay with your H having an OW (and I'm not insinuating that anyone is okay with this but meaning are you willing to stand up and put your foot down versus sweeping it under the rug) then I would not go. He needs to know an OW while married is not acceptable and you will not be arm candy to make him look good and that things are okay.

I don't know if me changing my mindset from finally not putting up with his sh!t woke him up or what but things really started changing for me when I started standing up for myself when I knew he was lying vs me just shutting down and acting like it wasn't happening

[Ahoy]

Thanks ladies! And I certainly welcome the advice. T0324 -- I agree. I have nothing to gain by going. It would only serve his own purposes, and I don't want to be in an open marriage or pretend to be his best buddy. Let's see if he even gets up the nerve to ask. Meanwhile, because he is too lazy to use his new address for anything, he just received what looks to be a notice from the bank and a new credit card, as if his cards had been stolen or lost while he was visiting his girlfriend. Losing his cards and racking up parking tickets -- the fun never ends!

[Jefe]

Number 2 for sure. He needs to be real clear why you're not planning on going.

[LisaB]

Hi Ahoy, devils advocate time.

Are you sure he is only inviting you as a social lubricant or to show his colleagues that things are fine with you? Are you certain?

If I had an important work event the last thing I would want to do is invite my ex with whom I have a strained relationship, no matter what their social skills are like. But maybe that's because my social skills are ok? haha

Maybe he is inviting you because he feels you might accept since your friends are there? Maybe it is a "safe" way for him to invite you to something.

Maybe he would rather be there with you than this new girlfriend of his.

Of course, you know him much better than I do but from your description I am not convinced he has such selfish motives.

Personally I might consider going if I could rock a hot body in a sexy dress, show off my social skills that he is jealous of, socialize with friends and have a good time at a free party. Show him what he is missing out on.

Just another view point, feel free to tell me to piss off.

Hugs, Lisa