I live next door to my grandmother so we can look in after her from time to time. She fell this early morning and had to go to the ER (she is still there). My wife called to check in on things and while we were talking we got on the subject of her pool league and her trying to make it to play tonight. I asked her if it was really that important. She responded that it was just as important as my band rehearsal. That's when I told her that I hadn't been to rehearsal in months. She said since when? I said since family became more important. It just doesn't matter like it used to any more. She answered, "Oh." Maybe another 180 for her. IDK, and honestly today, I don't care. I don't care about DBing, I dont care about Rogers or Johnnys, I dont care about my wife's attitude, I don't care about any of it.
The kids are out of school today, I have a full plate of work I need to try and figure out how to get done with 2 small children, and a grandmother with stitches in her face that is getting more frail by the day. I have a marriage that in unraveling, a financial situation that is stressful, and God has chosen now to convict me of all of my behavior for the last 8 years - marital and otherwise.
So, my plan for the day today is to breathe and ask God to show me my next step. Which may be just as simple as putting my shoes on.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
God never gives us more than we can handle. Just try .. as hard as you can to keep the backslides down at this stressful time ... If you have truly made these changes then even when the chips are stacked against you, you have to prove to yourself you are a better man now .. and how you handle things now everyone takes notice .. do not look at this as Gods conviction, maybe he is giving you an opportunity to step up and be the man anyone would want in their lives ... taking care of himself, his kids, and his family ... this includes your Grandmother.
Now is your time to just take things day by day and continue to work on yourself. I am sorry to hear about your grandmother. Right now your wife is not who you thought you knew. Let her go do her own thing. Focus on you and your children (grandmother too)
You've worked hard on your changes and we are all entitled to bad days. But don't let her actions hurt your PMA
Jefe, you have not been a d-bag. If BioDad signed away his rights, I would do the same thing. Your daughter needs 1 Dad. Especially when she is so young...how confusing does your W need to make this stuff? Imagine yourself at 7? Heck, I had two older half-brothers show up and that age and it took me a year to get my head around the idea that my Dad could be married more than once.
Did you formally adopt? I just want to make sure I'm getting the whole story here.
I don't understand this bio crap. I really don't. My D21 is interested in her bio-dad's family. AND HE'S A RAPIST.
Rant over. My two cents may be unwarranted here. But all this unnecessary confusion initiated by "well-meaning" adults into the lives of children drives me batty.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
Thanks for the support everyone. I'm just beyond overwhelmed today.
Shake, in short, no I did not adopt. I signed the birth certificate because I was the one that was there when she was born. He11, I got to hold her before my wife did. Don't try and understand it. All I can say is that the difficult dynamics in my wife's life have led us here and regardless of what I think about it or how much I've tried to control and change it, it still is going to be exactly like it is. Time for me to stop trying to be my wife's enemy and just embrace it the best I can.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Jefe, I don't understand ANYTHING. But I do know that love is boundless, and you have a lot to give. Like me, you wish you had tapped into that reality earlier. No worries. You have 40-50 more good years left in you.
Peace be unto you. Now get to work.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
Well, OM2/Johnny has moved further up the ladder. If they aren't actually dating it's not for a lack of her trying. She's pursuing him hard. Like I need this extra crap today.
I waited an hour to answer her last text. She was just asking for money for her league tonight and I'm not really okay with giving her money to be away from the family.
I'm choosing to remain silent about the intel I have so as to avoid a lashing episode.
I would like Hope and Starsky's input here if they are kind enough to share.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
This is why I don't like to validate -- or more -- spouses while they're still wayward. It only fuels their sense of entitlement, at a time when they are still feeling HIGHLY entitled.
You do the selfless thing and validate your wife's complaints about your stance toward this man, and this is how she rewards you: BY PURSUING HIM, HARD.
I keep repeating myself here, but I still say THERE WILL COME A TIME, if you are fortunate, that you can make your amends towards this woman. While she is still wayward, NOW IS *NOT* THAT TIME.
