Hey Heather, Tread mills are one of those things that many people buy and never use. Check out Craigslist and I'll bet you can find one really cheap! Try to take some time this weekend and relax, you deserve it!
And, No, there's not pleasing the perfectionist editor. He reminds me a lot of my father and Smokey...I could contort myself into ridiculous positions and he still wouldn't see me doing enough.
This is a demon I have yet to face. I can't run from this one. I have to face him down...my imperfections and all. I still have value. I'm still an asset to this company...but, I may never please him.
Strange how I have to get honest with my dad at this time...things always seem to come full circle, don't they?
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I need to find a way to make this new life work for ME. My own words are ringing in my ears. A way to make this new life work for me...Not according to the standards/expectations of others...but, for ME.
So how does this life look?
I've come up with categories that I have to deal with every 7 days...
Maybe it's time for a new set of goals?
Me--continued healing and moving forward. Newspaper D12 Bills/Money--something I don't have enough of and it's causing me more stress.
Haven't heard back from my atty since I said that I wouldn't make any more payments to him until he was able to give me some idea of when I could expect to receive support money...more than $200 per month.
The rest...
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
1) You - forget the treadmill for now, stick to your videos and to bubble baths, look for cheap used exercise dvds at the Goodwill.
2) Work - get your hurt emotions out of the way and look at the constructive criticism as just that, CONSTRUCTIVE. What do you need to work on? How can you do that in such a way that it is VISIBLE at work, that you have heard the editors comments and are incorporating that into your approach? Don't mix up work with your personal family of origin issues - your boss and coworkers are NOT your mom and ex and do not need to be treated as if they are.
3) D12 - she needs to be sheltered from your stressed moments - she needs to see you as strong and confident so that SHE doesn't worry. Can you get her to read Robinson Crusoe? I loved that self-reliant message as a kid. Help her to see this as an empowering adventure as much as you can. Also see if there's a way she can make a little pocket money for herself (dog walking? Selling crafts on Etsy?)
4) Bills/money - A) Check out Good and Cheap: Eat well on $4 a day, free pdf download. Also make a big batch of beans and rice or similar cheap eats. Check out mrmoneymustache and see how low some of the people there have cut their grocery bills. This is one place you can probably still save money. Make it a family challenge to see how low you can get the grocery bill. B) D's car repair - how much of that can she cover herself with her wages? Can she get a loan from Grandpa to fix it? Let HER handle it. c) Couch - look on Freecycle, Craigslist, local Goodwill. It may not be what you want for the longterm, but I bet you can get a couch for free or next to nothing that will do for now. D) I know the focus needs to be on your main job right now, but can you pick up any little online editing or writing jobs for a little extra cash?
A store in of of my coverage areas has decided to stop selling the paper. He hasn't sold one copy in 9 weeks.
Yes, I wasn't in charge of the paper 9 weeks ago. Still, I'm feeling discouraged.
The email with the info about the shop went to me and the the perfectionist editor. Great.
If this is going to work, I need to do this MY way and quit allowing all these meatheads to clutter the process.
They changed the name of the paper last week. That means I need a new sign, new emails, new facebook page...everything I worked so hard to put into place for the past month is now moot. Everything needs changed.
I feel, to some extent, set up for failure.
As this day wears on...I'm getting closer to my own truth with all of this.
The expectations put on me were unrealistic...even minus the whole filing for D and moving...
This organization has some issues.
This morning I allowed myself, again, to take the fall. That's what I do. I take it on. Other people take a crap, I take responsibility.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Well, I'm not sure what you took the "fall" for - but you need to get out of a victim mindset and into a team player mindset. Yes, it's a challenge - but you are up for it.
Bummer that you need to change the name, but the name change may be the entry to better sales.
Check Craig's List under "free" and you might find some decent furniture to tide you over until you can afford better. Heather, you've got to utilize the tools that are on the net. In my area, there are some really good free stuff that just requires a bit of airing and picking up. What about yard sales? Do they have them around you area on Saturdays? Check those out...some great deals there too.
I agree w/kml...you need to stop playing the victim and listen to the positives and the negatives and this is where you become a team player because you can take those negatives and turn them around. It's a challenge, but I've seen you do it before and you can do it again.
As for the store not selling papers...that's not your fault if it's been going downhill for 9 weeks. You aren't the miracle work here...you are new and learning very quickly and learn to speak up...don't take on all the bs that these editors and the staff are putting out there. If you don't speak up, they will walk all over you and sit back while you jump through hoops to please them.
Toughen your skin and next week start speaking up. If you don't like the way something is being done, speak up in a nice, but firm way. They will test you to see just how far they can push you. Time to stop that nonsense because all of you have one goal...getting a paper out on the street and selling it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
