H's MLC #5

[2BHappy]

Yeah its like a catch 22, if the LBS makes the choice we never know if more time would have ended with a better M or ended the same.

I guess in the end we decide either way, we either end it, or the MLC/WAS returns and we accept them back.

[job]

Always remember, you are the one that will determine whether you want to reconcile or not, if the opportunity presents itself. Sure, the MLCer may wake up, resolved his/her issues, and want to reconcile, but it's not their choice...it's yours. You are the one that will determine if you want to try again or not....the ultimate decision on this will be yours.

[daring]

Hang in there 2B- I totally understand your frustration. I am feeling the same way. But because I am not sure I am ready to walk away, and more think I'm just tired and frustrated with limbo, I work very hard at not having my crazy a$$ moments and blow ups seen by H. I know it's harder when they live with you- but maybe you can take a walk or even lock yourself in the bathroom with a good book ( ummm yes- I have done both) to avoid the mini confrontations.
I know its hard- sending you hugs and strength.

And Forever Young knows where to find extra strength DB patience shovels with Kevlar hand grips if you need them

[2BHappy]

job, wounded and daring I totally appreciate your comments and your continued support I'm preparing to reread divorce remedy and divorce busters starting after I return from my weekend with my friends.

[Mighty]

Hey 2B, I am not fully aware of everything in your sitch, but I did think of something I wanted to share and I hope it helps.

If you are in the position of trying to figure out where your r is headed, if you want to stand, etc.... I say back off from it a little bit.

I am, by no means an expert, but what I mean is this:

I think you should focus on you more and less on h and r. DBing is a great practice for whatever the outcome. Doing it effectively will help you progress and deal with things better.

So, use them! They are great techniques to help you along, regardless of how the r turns out.

Detach, get the distance, gal, focus on becoming the best you that you can. You can still keep an eye out for h, but keep the focus on you!

Whatever happens, you will be better prepared. Maybe you will catch his attention, but, you will still be focused on you! This will keep you from going in circles and help you progress forward. You will find only more positive results will come from this, rather than feeling like you are going in circles. Does this mean it is a linear shot forward? Nope. There will be moments of ups and downs, and circling around, but, hopefully you will have more ups and less of the others.

I think that after you focus on yourself, get some strength and clarity, you will have a better understanding of what you want. Your h will have had time to process on his own, and you will see where things stand from a much healthier and more stable perspective. I'm not implying you weren't those things before, but bd has a way of really disrupting what was healthy and stable. Plus it is has a way of shaking up things that we wouldn't have noticed before.

You are a good egg, 2B.... keep at it. You can do this!

[2BHappy]

Thank you Mighty..

I will TRY my very best to back off. Put the focus back on myself and my son.

I still have work to do on me, working daily on being a better person.

[job]

Mighty has given you some excellent advice. It's best to keep the focus on you for now. Learn, grow and rediscover the person that you once were. Dbing is about helping you to navigate the pitfalls that come along, not just in relationships, but all walks of life.

The answers will come...but only if you sit quietly and allow the man upstairs to do his work, not only on your h, but also to help you too.

[mleigh4]

2BHappy - just be careful. The blow ups push away the MLC. In my experience, I would look back after a blow up and think, crap, what did I do? I always feel better when I talk myself down. Also one thing that helps me greatly is having that mirror in my face. It doesn't always help! But if I remember to use it, my actions change.

I hope you have fun with your friends. We all backslide, we just need to learn from it.

[woundedfool]

Part of GAL's are to keep you so occupied you have little time to dwell on H or your R. And frankly yours seem to currently be a cursory distraction.

It's good to focus on S and make him a part of a dew GAL's, but the bulk of them need to be YOU-centric.

Immerse yourself in a "selfish" GAL. Give us some ideas of what you always wanted to do.

[2BHappy]

I wanted to learn to dance salsa, now need to lose 40lbs first to take pressure off knees. Working on losing weight!

I need to find more GAL that are very inexpensive, I'm planning to start having game day parties at my house after the holidays.

GALing this whole weekend with my BFF's, s14 will be with my Mom.

I feel like I've gotten back on DB track. And I truly believe this DBing is more for the LBS then the MLC/WAS and that it may or may not save the marriage but it will save ME!!!!

Monthly GALS with BFF's are planned.

I just cannot tell you all enough times how much your feedback and support has helped me. WOW THANKS THANKS THANKS