When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do after I shut off my alarm on my phone is read my daily message on an app. It is "Inspirations" and I read it before I get out of bed.
After a tough & emotional night, this is what I read first thing this morning:
Psalm 147:3-6
He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds. He counts the number of the stars. He calls them all by their names. Great is our Lord, and mighty in power. His understanding is infinite. The LORD upholds the humble. He brings the wicked down to the ground.
Hey Sweetie. I so get what you mean that you have to process stuff in order to let it go.
The thing with this is that this crisis makes it near impossible to understand. I mean we can say we understand it, but, we really cant because we arent in one.
What you had with your xh was real, M. Dont allow what they have done to taint your memories. They are yours.
The foundation of what they have is the breaking up of a family. It is built of lies and cheating and deceit by two broken people. It is a house of cards, destined to fall down. A relationship cannot sustain when that is its foundation.
But that doesnt matter. Not in any real sense. Because the truth is that what matters - is you.
You dont have any control of that mess. The only thing you can control is yourself. You have such power in all of this. You get to decide how you are going to act and who you are going to be...regardless of his actions and words.
The ow....she doesnt matter, M. Not one bit. Dont give her such importance by letting her get into your head.
You are an amazing woman, Mighty. Really and truly.
Yeah - and give yourself a break, Mighty. You've had a lot less time to process this than most, given that it was so sudden and so complete. Most people at least have a while to get used to the idea of OW before having to adjust to the OW being pregnant. You got hit with the triple whammy all at once and a certain amount of PTSD is to be expected.
However - also remember that you may have been given a gift, you just don't know it yet. My ex always saw me through a hyper-critical lens (the same one he turns on himself, btw). I remember him commenting about a photo from our honeymoon about the saddlebags on my thighs (I'm 5'6" and weighed about 120 lbs at the time - actually underweight for me lol).
Now I have a man in my life who sees me through metaphorical "beer goggles" 24/7 - in his eyes I'm a goddess who can do no wrong, and every inch of me is perfect. It's delightful and I'm so glad I get to experience this kind of love.
Hopefully life has similar delights in store for you.
Oh--the parties we could have--maybe some Bowling? With Blacklights and DayGlow paint?
"Quit'cher Bitchin!'" in a nice plaque over the stove.
And maybe, "A$$HATS Allowed Only at the Discretion of the Management."
Mighty, you're a tough cookie.
---(G)GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Yeah - and give yourself a break, Mighty. You've had a lot less time to process this than most, given that it was so sudden and so complete. Most people at least have a while to get used to the idea of OW before having to adjust to the OW being pregnant. You got hit with the triple whammy all at once and a certain amount of PTSD is to be expected.
Dittoooooooo...I agree with Ellie.
Might, you have had some huge realities to swallow all at once. In most situations, there are months and years between all of the truths you've been burdened with.
Go easy on yourself. And, like Ur said...don't diminish or underestimate the relationship you had. I think Bea said it so well when she said that ours isn't a situation where the marriage broke down...it's the experience of loving a person who broke down. Remember how Shining's ex told her that it wasn't humanly possible to be the wife he needed.
This is where we each have to rally on our own journey, to avoid taking this rejection personally. It's so hard to do, but it's possible with some diligence and patience and kindness to ourselves.
Love to you...you made through yesterday!!
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
You dont have any control of that mess. The only thing you can control is yourself. You have such power in all of this. You get to decide how you are going to act and who you are going to be...regardless of his actions and words.
Yup. This is what my brain tells me most of the time. I'm getting there. Well... I will get there. I think I can, I think I can...
kml:
Quote:
However - also remember that you may have been given a gift, you just don't know it yet. My ex always saw me through a hyper-critical lens
I see the gift. I appreciate more often now. That lens... is no good.... does not benefit anyone. I am enjoying not having a lens on me- at all. So glad to hear bout those beer goggles. That is awesome!
GGG:
Quote:
Holy Cow! A 42 foot long kitchen?
Oh--the parties we could have--maybe some Bowling? With Blacklights and DayGlow paint?
"Quit'cher Bitchin!'" in a nice plaque over the stove.
And maybe, "A$$HATS Allowed Only at the Discretion of the Management."
GGG! What am I doing wasting my time having professionals come in here helping me with this design! You laid it all out for me right there! Plans- done.
Heather:
Quote:
I think Bea said it so well when she said that ours isn't a situation where the marriage broke down...it's the experience of loving a person who broke down. Remember how Shining's ex told her that it wasn't humanly possible to be the wife he needed.
Hokey Pokey rhythm and clap, "That's what it's all about."
When I blocked xh email addresses at work I just see that it goes to my junk folder. (I like the sound of that- junk email- exactly right.)
I see he sent an email yesterday. The subject said "[s17]"
Xh: Failing three classes.
Today
Subject "football banquet"
Xh: did you get a form to complete?
Money & reservations are due today. He is on the same email list as me and knows this. I sent it in along w my payment for the ticket. S17 said he didn't want xh to go, but that's between them. I didn't say anything. I figured they could work it out or xh could reply to email and figure it out.
Then I get a text: Did you get a form for the football banquet.
Me (at my convenience): yes
Xh: Did u add me?
Me: No. I figured you could make your own arrangements. I don't like being in this position & don't get involved. Sorry.
Xh: Haha.. Don't get involved??? You are the source
Hey Mighty, Don't let that stuff bother you one little bit. He is the "source" of his own problems with his S17 and is just a coward for not facing that reality. What I want to know is why on earth he would EVER think you would include him in ANYTHING. He wants to have a new life without you, he can start taking care of things on his own. Better yet, if he so needs someone taking care of things for him, let him get his new woman to start taking care of his chit! I bet that would go over really well!
I really, really don't like your ex. He is such an a$$hat! He makes all men look bad. Hope all went well on the medical front for you. Stay strong and keep your head held high!
