Glad your brother came over and hung out with you.
If it's any consolation - I no longer even think about my anniversary until after the fact. This year it was about a month later before I realized what would have been my 30th had passed. Just doesn't mean anything in my current life. It'll shrink in size in your life too as your new life gets bigger.
Yeah, some of those days are tougher in the earlier parts of the trip. For what it's worth, I have to think really hard to remember what my anniversary date was. I only thought about it because you brought it up. That's a past part of life for me. A different chapter.
Funny story: when we married, a friend gave us a picture frame with the wrong date on it. It was a day early on the frame. For years, I would look at that frame and think my anniversary was a day early. After a while, I would compensate for the frame and remember to calculate it. Some awkward moments before that happened though. What can I say? I'm a guy
Ever hear the story of the Chinese farmer? The point of that tale is that you never know if an event is good or bad until much later. I think you'll see what I mean as time goes on
Glad your brother stopped by and mom called. Family can be a mixed blessing at times. I know my friends and family have been.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Oh my gosh... you guys are the best. I know that our anniversary will be an after thought eventually. Our "wedding" is actually a funny story... that's why I loved it. We got married after I got out of work one day. We didn't even have rings. It was right before he went to basic training. We had a date planned for a real wedding, but the recruiter gave the wrong date of him getting out, so it didn't happen and we had to announce to everyone that we had been married for months!
He gave me a ring after basic. It was very over priced and small, but I loved it. He was always embarrassed of it and wanted to replace it. I refused. I just remember getting it and how cute and humble he was. It was so sweet. I love it. I know he could have gotten me a rock since, but that didn't matter to me. It wouldn't have meant as much. I knew where we came from. I appreciated it.
Anyway...
I had a little breakdown tonight. It's all good. I'd rather get it out. I hated it while it was happening, but I feel like I got somewhere with it.
I had this realization. XH was my world. I loved him to my core. Unconditional love. We were best friends, we had this r that was amazing. People admired it (I still hear that). We had this amazing connection. I thought it was irreplaceable.
So the thought to some other woman laying down with my husband hurts. But I realize it was totally superficial. It made them feel good and feel better about themselves. But, again, totally superficial. They didn't know each other very well.
Now they are having a baby. A family. Like replacing what we had. They don't think it is superficial anymore. They think it is more.
I guess that's the heart of it. They *think* they had what we had. So easily. Makes my life seem useless. So easily replace. With..... someone.. like........that......
I guess that's the crux of it. Something so superficial takes away from my life. Our sharing of kids, me being the mother of his children, sharing a life together, sharing a family. Sex... superficial sex... took that away. What was so important. The most important thing. My family. A new family. Taking away my family to make THAT family.
Maybe I can't explain it now the way I was realizing it earlier. But I'm trying. That's what's important to me now. Making sense of these crazy and overbearing emotions. I have got to make sense of them so I can put them in check and move on from them.
I just feel so annoying. It seems like I'm beating a dead horse. I know. But I also know I have to do this. I have to make sense of it. Process it. Feel it. Accept it. Move on from it.
Peace.
I don't know what I'd do without this forum. Seriously. Gratitude.
Mighty, I completely get what you wrote. The love you had, to your core, the unconditional, you definitely had a connection.
M, that was real. Your love for each other was real. It happened. Your feelings were real. Your memories are always going to be real. It was exactly as you said. No one can take that away from you. Not ever.
I understand the feeling of the new R with hww, somehow "cheapening" what you had. IMO, just because they're having a baby, it doesn't make their R more connected than yours was. Their mess happened under some less than desirable circumstances. Lies. Cheating. Selfish selfishness. Not even close to what you had.
Might, I'm sorry you feel that what they did makes your life seem useless. You are not easily replaced. In fact, you are irreplaceable, and xh knows this. He does.
I am the least violent person I know...however, I hurt for you so much sometimes, I want to come through the screen to your city, have at it with your xh and teach him a "real good southern lesson." I don't even know what that is, but it sounded tough.
They are fools. Xh can't put toothpaste back in the tube. Xh can't appear to be wrong, or have made a mistake. After all the destruction he left in his wake...he has to prove to himself and the world that he was right. Whatever he acts like, whether he's happy or not, it doesn't change who you are, or what you do.
As far as what they're thinking about whether their R is real or not, who knows. By my definition, what they did is not love. It is not a R built on anything but lies and selfishness. I know timelines are taboo here, and I am no psychic. However, I would be shocked if it lasts beyond 2-3 years. It certainly could. Just my .02
So, I'm not going to tell you to not think of them today. You know how this works, and you know it's not where you want to live. It's not where you want your attention.
You are human. It's natural to wonder these things. It would be weird if you didn't, Mighty.
This turn of events has affected your life, and changed things forever. I would be EXACTLY the same way if it was me. Of course you think about the baby issue for now. Give yourself permission to feel what you're feeling. And let it wash over you. Just keep reminding yourself it can't stay this way if you are to heal. You will get there. I'm certain.
Wooop, woop! Getting plans and pics next week for the kitchen! Yes! I have said every day since Sunday (to the kids), I can't wait to see the pictures of what the kitchen is going to look like! It's no joke. My kitchen is now 42' by 13'. It is so long. I don't even have that big of a house. I live in a little cape. My kitchen is like most of it now! Haha! So glad you asked. REFOCUS! The owner (founder)of a local and popular kitchen place married one of my mom's friends recently. He came over and is making the plans. It should be done in a week. Woo hoo!
Let's have a party when it's done! I can't wait!
See what you did there? REFOCUS!
Gotta say... some crying tonight. Not normal for me. But I'm glad, cause there is some junk in there I wanna get rid of. Just don't know how. Lettin it go. Figuring it out. Then kids come and make me laugh.
S17 was all concerned about a group of boys d13 hangs out with. Apparently, good boys gone bad. Yikes! Close eye out. Glad s17 is stepping up and laying it down for d13.
I have had some angels put in my path. I am fully aware of it. I know when it happens. Blessings. Shining... you are one. (wink, wink AJ, Heather, uR, bea)
Mighty, I was thinking about you today. Post your feelings as much as you want. This is the way to get them processed and move on. I know I needed to do this. I agree with Shining about the timeline. I would not even give it 3 years thought.
Sorry, cannot post more. Just so tired tonight.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I feel ya, Bright. Sometimes I just get so tired....
So glad you stopped by. I love to hear from you. I'm just having a night. I'm gonna have it. That's that! Tomorrow is another day. I know I will be good tomorrow.
I am so glad to hear you are meeting some new people, Bright. That's awesome. One of my goals. I'm really glad for you.
And, again, see why I shouldn't mention "names"?! Bright's my girl! Shining Bright! Love it! "Shine Bright like a Diamond!" Now all we need is a "diamond"... sounds like a dancer... hmmmm... I need to get my kitchen done somehow.... hmm..... ha! JK, late, tired, silly....
