Good plans - don't beat yourself up if you fall off the wagon from time to time. We all do
And for the record last time I spoke to my xh he was still blaming me (over eight years on!!) So it is good to get a PMA.
As to the new baby. Babies are a lot of work. The not-very-nice bit of me would love it if the poor little soul turned out to be rather obviously not your xh's. But it did not ask for all of this, and it has hardly got the best start in life.
I think I have posted before about MLC men who have fathered more children, and gone on to regret it all. Remember that they have zero sympathetic imagination - if they had they wouldn't be behaving the way they do. Oh, and they aren't very mature either!
2. I will not feed into anger. I will remove myself from a situation where this is happening. (Excuse me. I am not engaging in this.)
When I read your list, it seems to me that if you master this one, the rest will fall into place. Even the OW.
You could be right. He may be attacking you as a way to lower you to his level in front of the kids. i.e. "if mom is as bad as I am, then why won't you talk to me? See what she's done? See why I HAD to leave? See what she caused, and you're angry with me?" Or something like that. Kind of like a teenager that wants something and needs to bring others down to their level.
The idea that he would bash the parent of the children he wants to connect with?? Really? You could have been an axe murderer and it has no relation on the family impact he has so far caused.
That's not healthy. That's not right. That's not productive. But if you master the above, I think you'll see him more like a child in an adult body - can't figure out how to get what he wants without hurting others or bringing them down.
Either way, your list rocks!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks for digging my list. It think it is how I feel MOST of the time, and I am able to follow MOST of the steps.
BUT, well.... you know...
Kind of a tough day... but a good one, too.
Kids are gone... s17 having dinner at gf house. D13 at volleyball playoffs ("working" for league playoffs every night this week until late- Sat too!)
Anniversary today... but it was OK.
So when I was at work today, a girl came in a and sat next to me. I realized it was the girl my friend knew and "was friends" with hww. She was young... like 25.
Then, anxiety skyrocketed! It is weird how it catches you off guard. But, I just stared at her for a min. Then I was thinking about how she was good friends w hww and close with her. Ugh!!!! Too close for comfort. She didn't even look at me. I got up and left.
I talked myself down and focused on my work. Then I saw her a little bit later. I caught myself really looking. She was the same "build" as described by bil. And similar... my thoughts started to take me away...
In my space... at work. I feel bad bc she didn't do anything, and I wasn't upset with her, it was just me. My own issues.
Then anniversary became a thought... not hearing from him... baby coming... everything.... I had a moment.
I try not to show my mom my emotion... she was there today subbing (recently retired from same place I work).
I had a moment. I cried a little. It doesn't happen often. It was after kids left. Just a lot coming out of the frustrations of the sitch.
When I got home, I hung with s17 & his gf for a little bit. Then talked w d13 and friends for a few before I took them to vball.
My brother stopped over for a little bit. It was just the two of us. It's not usual that the two of us are alone. It was nice. We used to be pretty close. He also had a great r with xh. We haven't talked much about it. I had a drink with him. Told him it was anniversary. We laughed a lot. We have similar personalities and are known for jokes.
It was a blessing having him stop by. It made my night. I'm good. I am aware of these blessings. God puts people in my path when I need them. Good people. Just the right people.
Then my mom called right after. We had a nice talk. We laughed, but I know she worries. She understands, very much, what some of this stuff is like.
It's a good night. I have lots to be thankful for. I know I will have these crazy emotions, but I also know I am totally capable of enjoying life.
I am really getting anxious to see just what this life has in-store for me!
