Edz - Tough Times ahead proceeding with caution

[edz]

Thanks South

Not a bad plan actually, this morning was a keep hitting the snooze button till I absolutely had to get up as I didnt sleep well. But I think I'll try that from tomorrow.

Feel, unsettled today but not as bad as yesterday. At least at the moment.

[edz]

Then wife texted me and I'm back where I was, she thanked me for her presents and commented that she didnt even know one of the books I got her was out yet (always knew what she would like book wise) but she didnt answer anything connected to the card, sicne our last anniversary card I found in the recycling the next morning I dont have hopes for my card even being opened sadly. Not all that was said but then she's laser focussed on when am i going from the flat.

Dont know why such a small message brings me down so quickly but it does, suppose when I hear nothing my mind runs on hope and then when she contacts me it gets dragged down to earth again. All part of detatchment, sadly its rather apparent how much I seem to suck at it!

[edz]

Just had a long IM chat with a mate of mine, got to unload, feel a little better for that.

[jim0987]

Thats good. Unloading makes me feel better.

I can't remember do you have an IC?

[edz]

Hi Jim I have had counselling through my health plan and outside that as well. Direct DB councellor no. Only real reason Ive got this far, cant praise AXA enough really in the help they offered me.

[jim0987]

I don't know if it's an option for you but I'm still seeing my IC regularly (not DB coach) just to unload and help me understand what I'm feeling. I find it really helps.

But I get what you say about the small message. I'd rather my W didn't get me a birthday card than the cold impersonal one she did get. Its why some people prefer no contact.

[edz]

Im really dreading my birthday, in some ways more than christmas. If the dates work out I'll be in my new place but then what? If W doesnt want to come to dinner or S isnt available I dont want to run back home to my dad (difference between W and I, I care for my family but I dont consider running home particularly a great idea at this point in my life).

I got W a card - nicely written not too mushy but reinforcing that she is missed I am honored by the 15 years we were together and that I could call her wife and hoping we can work a way back together in the future and leaving it at that - too mushy? Maybe, I dont think it was needy or pushing my agenda just being honest and it may be the last year I get to call her wife for all I know. Will she send me a card, well I've had 5 years of not particularly romantic cards anyway (she's always been the colder one in our relationship anyway) I'll have a nice card from S hopefully (Im expecting one anyway!) and from my Dad and family, would be nice to not be alone though and I dont have any close friends who will be around to come over / out so whatever else would happen I'd have to set up.

Been reading on planning for first christmases alone, lots of advice on planning to avoid voids in the day and descending into dispair. One reason Im trying to get wife to commit to what we're doing now before MIL gets her cold claws in to dominate christmas again.

Cant presently afford IC all the time, had 3 months or so regular visits and have paid to go myself a couple of times, with the move and other costs cant afford it this month but when ive moved and registered at the doctors may try to get on to get some through the NHS if possible.

[edz]

Quick addendum when I say getting wife to decide I mean on schedules / son not on coming back to the marriage!!!

[jim0987]

Don't think of it as running home. I'm sending some quality time with my dad - something that was missing from my childhood. I'm bonding with him while he is still here.

You got your W a card for your birthday? Or am I misunderstanding?

Take the lead on Christmas if you can. Say how you think it should work So you get what works for you.

You should be able to get some help through your GP. Equally there are some organisations that help with this stuff. Also have you tried the Samaritans? There be a local branch to you or there is an anonymous number. Its a really good charity that helps a lot of people.

[edz]

Ha! no I got her a card for her bithday just gone (gave her a present bag and card on saturday)

I get your idea on family, my dad and I have had our ups and downs, best we've been really at the moment. I'll be back there before christmas though.

Spoke to the samaritans the first week after W went when I was the darkest. They were great and I'd advise anyone to speak to them who is feeling depressed in any way. Donated to them a few weeks later as well.