As I mention at the end of my previous thread, I want my H to leave me alone now. I need space and lots of it. If he hadn't left first, I think I would be tempted to be a WAW right about now. I KNOW I KNOW -- I'm a terrible DBer. This thread is my confessional for how much I feel I don't belong here right now.
I am doing all the right DBing things in front of my H, but my head and heart are no longer in it.
Just sharing my feelings -- I don't need to be set straight. I am fully aware of how far astray I am veering from the DB course.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
I'm trying to think of a context when I would EVER buy someone champagne, let alone the spouse I left recovering from a brain MRI. That is some dopey stuff right there. I guess he could have gotten you underwear or hired a skywriter but other than that I can't think of anything less appropriate.
M: 33 W: 33 M: 9 T: 10 3 S's: 8, 6 and 1.5 BD: 8/3/14 Living together
Plus, I'm sorry, but who the heck buys someone champagne when they don't even know what the outcome of the MRI is? Please! Craziness!
Even if they did know the outcome, I'm with 1foot, still a little out of bounds.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Gah!!!! How many times do you need to be reminded that DBing is for YOU???
Because of your demeanor here I often forget how far behind me you are in the timeline. Nobody here is invested in whether or not you really want your H back. We are invested in YOU and your well-being. That's all.
Because Vossy has a mental trick she uses where she stops negative thoughts by imagining a positive spin on the same circumstances, I'm going to throw one out here for you: your H bought champagne because he assumed you'd have a good result. He can't imagine you not being well.
Now don't pursue that thought with any observations about selfishness or OW or anything. Just imagine a good thought from him. And then leave it lying there. Because you need space from him, right?
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
"Because Vossy has a mental trick she uses where she stops negative thoughts by imagining a positive spin on the same circumstances, I'm going to throw one out here for you: your H bought champagne because he assumed you'd have a good result. He can't imagine you not being well. "
Me thinks I should employ this trick as well. And go looking for more about it.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I had read DB at the library so I don't have it on hand. What does it recommend doing in situations of cake-eating? I'm guessing NC? How does one be friendly and PMA and also go NC? I guess that's where I'm struggling. I am not capable of acting all "happy happy joy joy" around him anymore, so total NC (aside from communication about D14) is what I am wanting -- more for my own sanity than anything else.
I would love to assume a positive about his actions, but he has left me, and is not providing any monetary support for the household, and has left me to manage the raking, mowing, cats, bills, etc. alone, so his concern about my well-being is not something I can really invest a lot of confidence in at the moment. I think I'll instead spend the positive thinking on myself. Now I have some champagne to break out at New Years with my friends. And today I'm going to book a trip to New Orleans for my birthday with another friend. Things to look forward to!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Ahoy, I'm at a similar mindset to you , there is no way I could be happy and joyful if I was to be in the same room as my W . So I'm NC about everything even when she doesn't bother with kids I just leave it . Wonder who has stolen there minds ?
Me 40 W 37 Together 22 years S18 D12 WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life After the 2 weeks she has left .
"I would love to assume a positive about his actions, but he has left me, and is not providing any monetary support for the household, and has left me to manage the raking, mowing, cats, bills, etc. alone, so his concern about my well-being is not something I can really invest a lot of confidence in at the moment. I think I'll instead spend the positive thinking on myself. Now I have some champagne to break out at New Years with my friends. And today I'm going to book a trip to New Orleans for my birthday with another friend. Things to look forward to!"
I can see where your coming from here. Have fun in NoLa!
"Wonder who has stolen there minds ?"
I don't know but when I find out I'm going to go all Dawgy on them and kick them in the....
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I would also like to know how to act when H is cake eating. I understand that I should be acting "as if", etc. . What I wonder about is if I should tell H to arrange to meet D18 and D23 somewhere other than our house. Maybe meet for lunch or something. Perhaps that would allow him to miss me (maybe, maybe not). But if I do that then I won't have opportunities to show him changes I am making within myself. I'm confused.
On a positive note, I am feeling stronger with fewer crying spells. I actually had a day that I didn't cry one time!!!! That's progress for me!!!!
Me: 54 H: 58 Married: 29 years Together 33 years H admitted to A: 5/29/14 H moved out :6/15/14 OW lives 4 hours away and "occasionally" stays weekends with H D23 D18
