Bond, I have brain tumors. Two years ago I had MAJOR emergency surgery to remove a mass that filled about 1/4 of my overall skull. I know I don't have control over ANYTHING, right? I'm not trying to control H. I am letting him go. That's what I'm saying here. As for consequences, I'm not being punitive, I'm just saying that this is the logical outcome of leaving your spouse. He will lose me. That's all. Please no more devil's advocate today. It has been an emotional draining day for me, hours in hospital, anxiety, no sleep. Okay? Just let me have one day to deal with my health and not give a chit what my H is doing. I need to focus on ME right now.
In other news, H just dropped by out of the blue with champagne and flowers because he knew this was my big day in the hospital. Why? Why can't I have just one day where he would leave me in peace. This isn't about him wanting reconciliation (he is going to his GF's place this weekend). This is about him wanting to be my friend and appease his guilt. This is not mind reading. This is a fact, so please no 2x4s (see previous paragraph). He wants to cake eat, and I want him to go away.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
In other news, H just dropped by out of the blue with champagne and flowers because he knew this was my big day in the hospital. Why? Why can't I have just one day where he would leave me in peace. This isn't about him wanting reconciliation (he is going to his GF's place this weekend). This is about him wanting to be my friend and appease his guilt. This is not mind reading. This is a fact, so please no 2x4s (see previous paragraph). He wants to cake eat, and I want him to go away.
Have you told him this much? It's okay to do that.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Jefe and Maybell, I think I will ask him for space if he persists. I really do need him to leave me alone right now. Maybell, how did your H react when you asked for space? Did he back off? I think it will help me to focus on myself if he would leave me alone.
Card, I'm glad you think I'm inspirational. It's hard for me to see how, though! I feel like I've been all over the map the past few weeks, but I'm suddenly in a new place. And this place is called I don't care what my H is doing as long as he leaves me alone.
I think I'm reaching the end of this thread, so I am going to start a new one. . .
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Screw persistence. Proactively and kindly deliver the message of your wishes. Then if he persists, that's on him and you have every right to be pissy after that. Just my 2�
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I'm glad you're dealing with this now. My H kept reaching out and withdrawing for about three months and because I get an A+ in wishful thinking I kept imagining that it was because he thought he wanted to explore reconciling. After some gentle encouragement here and IRL, i eventually totally lost my cool and told him very loudly and emphatically that I needed space.
In that argument he did not appear to have believed me (which I understand) and he dragged the fight out several more minutes until I told him he had to leave. Then I slammed the front door behind him.
I did apologize a few days later for losing my temper and repeated calmly that I really do need the space. Of course he tried to play it up as something he wanted too, but except for parenting stuff I have persisted in radio silence. This seems to be surprising him, he's poked a few times but I don't give encouraging responses so he hasn't crossed any lines. It's been about a month. What a month!! I could not have calmed and adapted so much without the time apart. It has been KEY.
So no, I haven't gotten any push back. I do think a lot of that has to do with my H's conflict avoidant personality. But I'm glad to have gotten this time of peace and I'm nowhere near ready to give it up.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Hi Ahoy - I'm so delighted that your MRI went well. That is very good news indeed. I'm not going to comment on your desire for your H to just go away, other than to say that I do believe that there are cycles and that we all probably have to rinse and repeat a few more times.
For what it's worth, I think you are the only one who knows what is right for you and you seem like a sound decision maker to me.
