25, Wish I could believe the comment about WAW and the loving interactions a dad has w/his kids.
Why wouldn't you? You think your wife doesn't care about the kids and their happiness, or she does not believe you care? Or what?
Saying "No woman is unmoved by the loving interaction between her children and their dad" is something I stand by. I'm certain of it, but let me qualify it.
No mentally healthy woman is unmoved. So are you saying your wife is nuts? Or evil?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
2) read Divorce Busting only. Would you recommend Divorce Remedy for my sich?
They're similar. Div Remedy is like the 2nd edition of Div Busting, imo. But it has a bit more techniques and a bit less of why divorce sukks.
That's how I recall them and btw, I read them both, at least 2-3 times.Also read the Five Love Languages, which was an easy read with good reminders.
And "Boundaries" which is probably mandatory for co-dependents and those who are lousy with boundaries. Also I heard but did not read "Co Dependent No More" is good and my sister said "After the Affair" was excellent.
Til your wife is sure she wants to work on the m, of course those books are only for you. And most of them will always be only for you.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Can you elaborate on or answer the other questions I Posted?
Like what the marital issues were and what SHE would say if she were here?
Thanks.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25, Wish I could believe the comment about WAW and the loving interactions a dad has w/his kids.
Why wouldn't you? You think your wife doesn't care about the kids and their happiness, or she does not believe you care? Or what? Saying "No woman is unmoved by the loving interaction between her children and their dad" is something I stand by. I'm certain of it, but let me qualify it. No mentally healthy woman is unmoved. So are you saying your wife is nuts? Or evil?
I sympathize with bravo61. It seems like my W is using my good parenting as a rationale (not a reason) for leaving me. I'll remain the dad anyway so the kids will not lose that. And we get along so well about parenting issues, which is the only thing we'll have to communicate about. Perfect! (imagine how it feels to be told being a good dad makes it easier to leave you...) She even called me last Thursday because she was overwhelmed by D6's attitude. I listened, reassured that it was sometimes hard for me too and gave her some tips (I doubt she was listening though). Perhaps I should cut these calls -- it was the first.
My wife treats the kids as work more than people. She's dutiful and does her half, but you can tell she mostly distributes the workload between us and "her" week is the free week. A barrier to our reconciliation is actually the fact that it would mean for us to have the kids 100% of the time. Imagine that.
Anyway, it seems like some women don't factor the good parenting in their assessment of a life partner.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I have to say that to an extent I agree with mozza and bravo on this. It feels like seperation is win win for my W as she gets to have kids but has a reliable willing and free babysitter whenever she needs.
We couldn't go out as a couple as she wouldn't let anyone other than her mum babysit.
I suppose I'm not saying she is unmoved but that the knowledge I will do what's in the best interests of the kids makes it a lot easier for her as it reduces the harm to them and she gets the freedom she craves.
Having said that I 100% think you should try to be the best dad you can.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
I don't understand what you men are saying. Or maybe you don't understand what 25yrs is saying. What if your assumptions are correct about your W's? Are you going to make her sorry, or wrong, by not being a good father to your kids? I don't get that line of reasoning!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, I think they're basically saying "I will be the best dad I can be, because it's who I am and it's the right thing to do, but I'm not buying that my wife is 'moved' by it."
Sandi, I think they're basically saying "I will be the best dad I can be, because it's who I am and it's the right thing to do, but I'm not buying that my wife is 'moved' by it." I think???
Yes Starsky309, that's what I'm saying. There's no way I'm going to be less of a good dad because my wife uses it as an excuse to split. I go through this separation with my head high, making every effort to act in a way I will be proud of two, five or twenty years down the road.
I guess our struggle comes from feeling we're working against our own good by doing the right thing. This being said, let me be clear that my W wouldn't have stayed anyway if I was a "bad" father!
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I will absolutely be the best dad I can because that's right for me and for my kids.
I don't buy for a second this makes it harder for WAW because she is all about reconnecting with her 25yr old self. that's easier when you can guilt free leave the kids. Id find it easier to believe that she thinks she is doing me and the kids a favour.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
