I am looking to get some advice and help on what to do about my Marriage that is failing and seems there is nothing i can do about it right now.
The background i met my wife back in High school I was actually dating one of her friends. As soon as I saw her I knew there was something special about her. We became fast friends over the remainder of our high school years. We had a falling out when we went to college but she found me through a social media site sometime after she came back from college. I had already been broken up with her friend that she actually had not talked to in years either for other reasons. We met up and the spark ignited really fast. I tried to take it slow to ensure I was not a rebound since she mentioned that she had just got out of a bad relationship. It took some time for me to help build her back up and give her a back bone again and realize that her opinion matter both in fights/disagreements. We continued to grow and fall in love. We moved in together after about 1 ½ or 2 years together. New fights started but I figured that was due to living with a new person (Growing Pains) After another 2 years I decided I wanted to marry her things were not always the greatest but it’s how you get through your issues that defines you is the way I was raised. We were engaged for about 1.5years so she could plan the wedding. We got married had a great honey moon and after 4 months well… She is back at her parents and not talking to me. I did not realize a lot of what was going on over the years I started to recently and we had talks but neither of us took any action to remedy the situation. The situation from my stand point. We have not always treated each other the best and often took stress from anything out on each other. We never made time for US we would watch TV together but that is not grown that is just being together. We have both suggest eat at the table and do here and there but not enough. She likes to plan things every weekend and has since we got married 4 months ago after the honeymoon she has had something planned every weekend and we have not made time for ourselves. There is time at night but I work long hours and I am usually burnt out. Another thing over the course of time I have not always spoke to her the best both alone and around friends I have found and been able to catch it that I am often derogative and talking down to her which I know is not right but I never knew why until these past 2 weeks she has been gone. We have had a lot of tension recently addressed it but done nothing to fix it. I have found the littlest thing she does just gets me angry for stupid reasons. We were not clicking recently and it didn’t feel good. She is the love of my life and it hurts that we were not trying to make things work. Everything came to a boiling point about 2 weeks ago. We were drinking very heavily after a wedding I already was not in a good mood from how she was acting most of the day in a standoffish manner at her friend’s wedding whom which I did not know 1 person. All the depression from the being at a stale point in our relationship and stress and everything else to mix it with drinking. We had also quit smoking about 1-2 weeks before. She come up to the hotel room after sneaking a smoke I flipped when I found out since I was already almost at the point. She started yelling to. I actually cannot remember what she was saying to me and I was just saying hurtful things to her. We both blew up and when she got in my face I pushed her away and she ran to a friend’s room. Yes the push was not right but no injuries and I just didn’t want her in my face. Either way we drove home the next day together didn’t say too much about the night before. We got home and we just recovering when we got a phone call from her Mom telling her she needed to come home because her friend called her mom and said she was afraid for her because of the language that was used and the shove. So she listened and went. We spoke about a week later and the only thing she could say was she wanted a divorce and could not do this anymore and did not want to try. She also stated that she was no longer in love with me. I mentioned to her that the divorce thought was not rational and there was too much emotion going on to make a decision like that. I just ignored the she was no longer in love with me since you do not fall out of being in love with someone that fast. She continues to come by when I am there or not and get clothing and what not but that’s about it. I have realized that I have demons to face and have sought out help and been able to realize where my anger and resentment towards her comes from. I know I have insecurities that I have taken out on her in the way I have spoken to her. I also have resentment towards her since she still seems to put her family before me and brush my family off like they are not hers as well. I was able to express some of this when I spoke to her and mentioned that I am working on fighting off my demons and she just said no one changes in a week. I agreed with that but you cannot see the change happening if you won’t try or come home I thought. My fear is that we will get a divorce without trying to fix things she seems to just be running to the quickest escape to avoid the confrontation. The issue is she has a very unhealthy relationship with her family and the support system she is around right now is very judgmental and negative. They will put her on the pedestal and find no wrong in her actions or tell her to quit being a baby and go home to your husband. I feel that they will pressure her into a divorce without thinking about the consequences. The other fear is that she has already told her friends and parents that she wants a divorce and would be afraid to change her mind and let them down if she wanted to come back. I have tried to text her to express my love to her and mention how I felt when we first met and got married. I have brought up good times we have had but it seems she is just holding onto all the negativity and just surrounded herself with hate. I am not sure where to go from here I have friends that say fight for her text her once a day show up at her parents how tell her you miss her an love her. I have others that say give her your space which may look like I have given up. I am at a cross road and looking for advice.
