Well it's been a few months and I'm struggling with dropping the rope . I feel like I could be waiting for ever . I have no idea what my W is doing or thinking .
How do you actually see the concept of dropping the rope? Did you ever play tug of war? What happens to your opponent if you suddenly let go of the rope? What do you do after you drop it? Do you stand there, watching and waiting? Do you try to figure out what your opponent is thinking or what they may do after you dropped the rope? Do you pick it up again and start furiously pulling?
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Seriously how long do I put up with having to deal with an upset daughter because W has more important thing to do than seeing here own daughter . This after a whole week of no contact and no attempts to spend any time with either of the kids . It was half term last week.
How long do you put up with it? IDK, what can you do about it? What are your options? You can't make her be a good mother if she doesn't want to be. That's not really your job, anyway. Your job is to what you can to take care of your daughter and help her get through this ordeal. Finding her a good counselor or pastor/priest to give her guidance. She really needs someone who is not emotionally involved. In the meantime, you develop a stronger bond with your kids and try to give them as much stability in the home you possibly can. Their lives have been shook to the core, so they need some security from their father. Instead of seeing anger in you, they need to see you focusing on them and making a home for the three of you. The anger you feel toward their mother can hurt your R with them. You may think you hide it, but they can tell.
It is so tough! But families can survive. Be their lighthouse. They need to see how a strong man handles these crises in life. Be the role model for them to know how to pattern themselves. You can do it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I am learning . Had a brief exchange with MIL and kept it very brief . I'd normally start pouring all my emotions and what I want in the future and also how this whole thing is affecting the kids to her in hope that she may help . When I have done this before it has backfired with me the messenger getting shot .
Me 40 W 37 Together 22 years S18 D12 WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life After the 2 weeks she has left .
Fair enough she has left me but not the kids also .
This is causing so much trouble between my son and daughter because W has seen daughter more times than son. I'm not joking in 2 months she has seen son twice and my daughter. 6 times . 5 of them were just for an hour in costa .
Hope she comes to her senses soon before it's to late
Me 40 W 37 Together 22 years S18 D12 WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life After the 2 weeks she has left .
Maybe the 18 yr old needs to consider his sister is still a little girl. He has a right to be upset about his mother, but he should be mature enough not to battle his kid sister over her seeing mom more than him! Have you thought about having a man to man talk with him?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Yes I have explained to him that he is an adult himself and as such should start behaving like one . To be honest after that chat he has been more behaved and less abusive towards his sister . I mentioned to him something that someone posted to me that it was just him his sister and me and that we had a roof over our heads etc.
Just hard trying to keep him in check when I can see things set getting to him..
Going to circuits with him tonight so some good father son time as he really enjoys circuits and lets him burn of excessive energy and anger .
Me 40 W 37 Together 22 years S18 D12 WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life After the 2 weeks she has left .
Thought things were going to good 2 weeks and no stupidity . Vent alert Then Massive bust up with kids again . Apparently D was humming so S starts playing musc loud and were supposed to be going out . We get in car S has headphones on and tapping floor to beat of music . D then bangs floor to get him to stop . We literally get a few hundred meters down road and I'm turning car around and going home . I'm done can't cope anymore crying my eyes out . Full time job full time house money is tight and then I've got to be the referee between the kids . I'm seriously thinking about throwing S out as he just escalates everything and the stupidest things trigger him.
I can't hold this all together any more I'm crumbling . How can I have a life when I can't leave kids together in house for fear they will argue . I feel like a prisoner Aaaagggghhhhhhhhh.
Me 40 W 37 Together 22 years S18 D12 WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life After the 2 weeks she has left .
That's tough South. But ... you just have to hold it together. Sorry, there is no alternative. You have to have another chat with your son.
I know it's easy for me to say, but I reckon you know it anyway. Come on man, breath in shallow and out long. You can do it, you can be strong. Go and see some fireworks. Thinking of you.
Old Dog xx
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
