I have adopted '50s style dresses they are so fashionable right now. Having still a slighty larger figure they look elegant. Think all about that bass singers dress.
So go the 30's if that era suits you.
I get dressed up lots, today I'm having a hard time not getting dressed and heading out. S16 went to bed so he can sleep after being up campin all night with mates.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
My middle son gave me a t shirt with a Mae West quote 'I used to be Snow White until I drifted' I wear it to garden in and it makes me smile!!
GGG I love your posts, but have little to offer: my xh is still in never never land, and I while I applaud anyone who hangs in there, in my own case I realise I would have probably been sensible to call it quits earlier than I did. Easy to be wise after the event.
In a way it is a gamble - hard to predict which ones will make it through. I both do and don't regret how much time and emotional energy I spent on this guy!! Regret is pretty pointless, and I also learnt a lot about myself. I stopped trying to 'fix' people or feel responsible for their happiness. A big breakthrough.
Well, the Square Dance continues and H is mostly off the beat.
He was here last night, all pleasant enough, and I went to a Halloween Costume Ball, had a great time.
He seemed relaxed and in decent spirits.
So now it's about dinnertime and he's back at "his" house.
I just got this series of texts--I have not responded to anything yet because it's just too bizarre!
1."Wish I could have stayed over tonight too, but too much to do for graduation tomorrow. " "Soon we need to talk about the future--Me"
2. "I want to see you in jeans...and a crop top...just a dream..." (WTF?)
I was thinking about if/how to respond to the above ^^^ when this comes in about 20 minutes later:
3. "That was the old days...No more. no more. Time for the next chapter. BYE!!!!!!!!!"
He almost had me at the first two. I was going to respond with something lighthearted but non-committal, like, "Would that be with or without baseball cap? "
But then I started to think about how this once again is about MY BODY. Seeing my body this way or that. One of the issues in our R was his objectification of my body parts and separating sex from emotion. So that was weighing on me a bit and I didn't want to "encourage" talk about how he'd like to see me--FOR HIS OWN PLEASURE.
But he nipped that in the bud himself.
Text #3 sounds testy to me. As if he felt he extended himself emotionally, and the fact that I didn't respond (yet) made him lash out with that "No more...no more." And "BYE!!!!" sounds a lot to me like "F-U!!!!!"
It stinks to try and unravel text convos like these. It involves a LOT of mind-reading and I hate that. My guess is he's drinking, lonely, and irritated that I am not doing whatever it is he wants me to be doing.
On the other hand, any emotional bids from him should be fielded with care, so I do feel some type of response is warranted, not flippant and not joking. He doesn't take that well.
This is now the third time he's stated that he wants to talk about "The Future" and although he has been in my presence a lot lately, he's never said a word about it.
The other thing about these texts is that they are DIFFERENT.
After BD and OW, he said "I'll never be attracted to YOU again!" and other things along this line. As if I had upset him so much with my negative response to his adultery that he no longer felt he could trust ME with being close.
So him even mentioning the "jeans and crop top" means he is thinking about me in a sexual way. (And I guess after he spilled that, he wanted to retract it.)
Oh--wait!!! There's MORE! This about 15 minutes later:
#4:"I'm sorry. That is not who we are. You are a good woman...It's just time to move on... Text when you are safe.... Me."
WHAT is "not who we are"? This makes no sense, so best to ignore. So much for "I wish I could have stayed over tonight too and see you in jeans and a crop top."! I swear the "time to move on" stuff is just him trying to hurt me for not--I don't know, doing the work for him?
It feels like he's MAD. Why mention "moving on"? He filed for divorce, I'm living my life mostly separate from him. It feels like a dig at me:"Don't get the idea that I want to be around you. I don't. I want to move on..."
Blah, blah, blah...
Guess he is GUBU tonight! Alrighty then!
DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING THEY SAY.
Clearly he's stumbling around somewhere in his tunnel and is bumping his head. I was waiting for the roller coaster to start again and here it is. I knew that he was coming out of his funk, but from everything I've read, it doesn't go smoothly and I was prepared for GUBU to make several more appearances before this is done. And he wants something from me here; he never writes this much, or about this sort of thing. He is rambling and reaching for something from me.
He's like the Beast with Two Heads, and both of them are talking: "I want to talk about the future" --- "There IS no future!!!" "I think you're cute"---"No I don't, you're horrible!"
Whatever.... Thoughts?
I am tempted to not respond at all. Just too weird. And I feel like anything I might say will just add to the confusion. I don't want to engage with that.
-----(G)GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
Yes, Mae West is super cool. If I had a little more meat on my bones I could channel her more effectively.
And Ggrass, I am envious that you can rock those '50's dresses!
---(G)GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
As always, I am not objective enough to see my own sitch as clearly as I can some others. So input would be appreciated.
I *think* I'm on the right track with ignoring crazy talk... but I don't want to miss an opportunity to reward his initial attempt to reach out.
(Of course, he quashed that with the follow up, but still.)
I'm thinking of saying something like:"You take care. Hope graduation goes well,. Talk to you tomorrow...."
I'm supposed to go to another party tonight and he'd asked me to text when I got home safely, but I'm really tired (third GAL party night in a row), so I might not go.
Maybe I'll just say--later on this evening as IF I HAD gone out (not lying, just not saying either way; it's not relevant): "I'm safe, all is well."
???
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
I WILL, however, take the "You are a good woman" comment as an indicator that, at least for brief moments, he does visit reality on occasion!
That's actually the nicest thing he's said to me--about me--in almost a year. Prior to this it was pretty much "I don't understand why other people seem to like you so much, because I don't."
So I'm looking on the bright side... And laughing to myself about how wacky he is.
Funny thing, if I wasn't on this board, I'd be spinning like crazy because I would be trying to "make sense" of this nonsense. Since I know what it represents, (MLC/WAS confusion and tunnel life) it doesn't really affect me.
I'm feeling pretty detached. It's like I'm watching a movie where a character is just being weird.
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
That sounds very reasonable and if he continues, I will express some concern. (Don't want to come off "motherly" or "superior" though, you know, like circling a finger around the side of my head--"You OK??? CUCK-KOOOOO!")
But I almost don't want to encourage him to add anything else to this convo by suggesting that I *want* clarification. I don't think it's there to be had!
I think if I engage with him at all, that it will just add fuel to whatever fire he's got under his butt.
But advice taken.
We'll see if he fizzles out or keeps it up. As far as he knows, I'm at a party and not getting any of these.
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
But I almost don't want to encourage him to add anything else to this convo by suggesting that I *want* clarification. I don't think it's there to be had!
If one wants a clarification, one would say, "What do you mean? I don't understand."
You DON'T want to rile up H by asking that ^^ type of question. Which is why I suggested a neutral tone. Simpatico.
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