The beginning

[stuie]

Here's my story.
Late june W questioned me a couple of times 'whats happening with us?' I said were ok arent we. Im knew something was wrong but was not sure, looking back have been in trouble for the last 3.5 years since fly in fly out work while she was pregnant with S. W says I was there but not there emotionally im starting to see both sides of the story now as to how we have both done things to each other for me to get that way. She has always said to me 'if you dont love me leave' and she has gone away a couple of times in the past for a couple of nights when things got too much for her. So back to now, early July we mutually agreed to split as it was taking a toll on us and the kids (bad to leave the house I know but things werent good) so early august moved out. Got the 'im not sure I love you any more line as most people get. Then 3 weeks later got the letter its over we will never ever be getting back together. I was in shock that night and had the most casual talk a out what out plans were from here. Thats a bit of a start...

[Cadet]

Welcome to the board

Get out and GAL.

DETACH.

Believe none of what she says and half of what she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon

[Mozza]

Welcome, stuie, to a place where you can find help, hope and comfort.

So back to now, early July we mutually agreed to split as it was taking a toll on us and the kids (bad to leave the house I know but things werent good) so early august moved out. Got the 'im not sure I love you any more line as most people get. Then 3 weeks later got the letter its over we will never ever be getting back together. I was in shock that night and had the most casual talk a out what out plans were from here.

Your story is intriguing. You seemed to be going along with the separation until she said it was real. What made you think it wasn't real before? And what makes you want back in so bad now if you were fine separating before?

[stuie]

Hi mozza
Yes I had my head in the sand about just how bad moving out was. We agreed or I agreed because things were very tense and it was starting to show with our kids and the way we both handled them with the stress of us. Previously I had never put any work into the relationship and can now see just how ungrateful I had been to her especially in the last 3 years. I never really looked into the problems we had because this was just how I thought mairried life must be. And to be honest looking back I want that happy either. But once I was out I was gutted, I left wanting to work on things to make the situation better but I was gutted I lost my whole family life my home that I was so ungreatfull for,...

So I've been to see psych and been running 5k 2-3 times a week doing weights. Working on my porn problem that began when I was working away, have just discovered how it effects how you interact with others so have given it up 16days now. Reading relationship books and lots of work on how to resolve this situation. Most of it seems to work on your self so working on that, joining 4wdclub.
Just hanging out for this book to arrive so I can get a plan onto place

[stuie]

Well things have been going well over the laast week or so invited over for dinner 3 times. Our conversation is getting allot easier.
That said I know w is active on dating sites and meeting OM. And met up with one the other night then came and lied about where she had been... i was gutted but managed to hold it together. Just got to let her do her thing.
Book finally arrived and I'm getting stuck into it now to come up with a plan. Looking forward to that
Blood donation on Wed night followed by church. This nite have 4wd meeting then Fri night have the kids, while W goes to OM again, that hurts...
Thanks for listing

[Cristy]

Hi, I am sorry for the situation you are in. The best advice I can give you is to speak with a Divorce Busting Coach today. Divorce Busting coaches will give you the best guidance on how to save your marriage and get things moving in a more positive direction. A DB Coach can also help you navigate the situation with the OM & her activity on dating sites. Please call me to discuss our coaching program 303-444-7004.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[stuie]

hi cristy, yes i am looking into that at the moment.

one thing that i don't think i have done is to tell her firmly that i am standing for our marriage, and think we need to look into it, is it a good idea or not and or how should i do it.

other than that i am getting stuck into DB book 3/4 done.

just thinking

[gan]

Hi Stuie,

The general advice around here is not to talk about the relationship unless she brings it up and even then you might like to try to avoids the topic. There's a great post here about how a walk away spouse thinks:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2501272#Post2501272

G

[stuie]

hi ganb8e
i see your in straya too

thanks for that link, i was thinking there we were doing all right there last week when we had dinner at home with the kids 3 times. but i think its the so called "cake eating" too but when you've got kids in the mix its hard to know what to do??? but the other weekend she invited me to a family birthday 2 nights, but i thought it was the intention that i was going to get used to look after and bring the kids down, but i declined, which i think was a good move.

I'm working on trying to keep our lives separate as in i have the kids or she does if we have to go out together get it over and done with and vanish into the night.. but its hard when you think your making progress and you are having the best conversations that you've had since long before we separated and you just want to have a happy family again..

thanks people
Yessss im off moderation

[stuie]

just thinking.

when she was "out" ( i know where she was) the other night and didn't get home till midnight (i was looking after the kids) i did get an apology the next day (any thoughts on that???) i replied and was firm that i needed to be kept in the loop. think that was a good reply though?